Barak Obama, Facebook & Miss Hooters International

On July 10th, Leangela Davis was crowned Miss Hooters International from 100 contestants around the world.  Basically, this means she's an uber babe.  Obviously, beauty is subjective but if you were to walk by Miss Davis on the street you'd probably think she was effing hot.  Of course even though this is readily apparent people have to complain.  She's too manly, too tall, too thin, too fat.  But of course the obvious thing people feel they need to comment on is that she's too black.  Yay, let's be lame and say stupid shit!

Rather than simply regale you with my feelings on racist fucks, I'm going to regale you with a number of little Facebook comment gems left on the Hooters fan page because every knows it's easy to be an idiot when you're hiding behind a computer screen in your mom's basement.

No Beter, she is in fact not white.  GASP!  How did you figure it out?!  I never would have noticed.  I feel so tricked by this little minx.  Seriously, who cares.  Yes, she happens to be African American, but last time I checked nowhere in my job description does it say I have to be white be employed by Hooters.  Shit, I must have missed that part.  Evidently I have to be white to be pretty.  Who knew?!

I totally agree, Keenan.  Of course by totally agree I mean you are clearly lame not only because you're a racist idiot, but because you are a typing cat.  Actually, it's pretty sweet that you figured out how to use a keyboard with those little paws, but might I suggest you let your mind evolve a little more before you log in.  Wouldn't want to sound stupid or anything.  Oh wait, you already did that.  I don't know if you heard, Keenan Kitty, but any woman is beautiful regardless of her skin color.

Now I'm not totally sure what Eric is trying to say - no offense, dude - but I like the he has the sense to realize her winning has nothing to do with skin color.  But of course, Sage brings us back.  It's all about skin color.  Really though, I posted this because Sage is an idiot.  The last two winners (2008 & 2009) were both blonde.

While Beter and Keenan are small minded, these next geniuses can talk politics.  This obviously makes them the smartest people in the history of thinking.

Hi, my names Michael and I know political buzzwords.  Title 9!  Roe v. Wade!  Prohibition!  Magna Carta!

Thanks for taking it step further and says our "presudent" had something to do with outcome of a Hooters bikini pageant, Alex.  This presudent guy probably singlehandedly created Justin Bieber and made Oprah go off the air.  One thing is certain though and it's that the presudent clearly didn't help you with your spelling.  Maybe "they" can help with that since according to you they get everything because of presudent.  Now, my buddy, Jim, thinks Obama (I'm assuming he's related to Alex's presudent) just decided the whole effing thing.

So you mean our President, Barack Obama, took time out of his schedule to pick the winner of the Hooters pageant?  Dear Lord, someone needs to tell CNN because this is fucking breaking news.  It's not like he has anything important to do like run a country or anything.  But really, how much time can being President really take up?  It can't be that hard, right?  Not according to Jim!  Hey, Jim, I really like the way your close mindedness brings out your eyes - and cowboy hat. 

Lucky for Jim I made found this picture on the Internet to totally back him up.

Shit, Obama told did rig the eff out this whole pageant.  That smile clearly says, "I'm in charge muthafuckas."  Anti Blonde Act?  That's so racist.  Guess blondes are gonna have a hard year.  Just look at Kristin Cavallari if you don't believe me.  And it's all Obama's fault; ruining the world one unimportant pageant at a time.

While none of this is true.  Obviously (don't tell Jim or Alex).  There is still the question of whether the pageant itself is rigged or predetermined.  Doug is pretty sure it is.

So is it rigged or not?  I may or may not have a pretty good idea if it may or may not predetermined, but I'm not going to say.  I will say that there is a fair amount of politics involved in the pageant, as there are in any pageant.  I will also note that Leangela didn't really look all the surprised when she won.  Lord knows when I win I anything I am really effing excited and everyone is going to know it.  I'll let you decide for yourself what that that may or may not mean.

I'll leave you by saying that I think Leangela Davis is a GREAT Miss Hooters.  Not only is she gorgeous, but I hear she has an amazing personality.  And really personality is number one at Hooters no matter what anyone says.  Tara, go ahead and wrap it up for me.

Hans and the Bikini

Hooters can give one a little bit of notoriety.  Not so much in the way that you're actually important, but more in the way that you might get noticed in awkward non-Hooters sorts of places - like the grocery store.  That's fun.  But it's also cool because you sometimes get your picture up on the wall of Hooters.  And by cool I actually mean it can be a little weird to serve some dude wings under a picture of you in a bikini.  Here's your wings and oh hey check out my nearly naked body as you get wing sauce all over your face.  Yes, I realize I work at Hooters.  It comes with the territory.  That realization doesn't make it any less weird. 

But this story isn't about the picture; it's about the content of the picture.  It's about me and more specifically it's about the bikini (and no, that's not my bikini, the photo just fits the story).  And it's about Hans.  You see one day recently, Hans came in on one of my days off.  Naturally, Hans was disappointed and to appease him his Hooters Girl showed him the picture of me newly added to the wall.  It seems Hans was impressed because I was soon informed that Hans wanted to pay for my bikini.

A week later, I had all but forgotten Hans desire to pay for the bathing suit I'd purchased over two months ago.  In came Hans and he made his way to his usual table.  Still unable to drink beer after his recently heart attack, Hans ordered a water that I promptly delivered and sat down to talk to him.  Before I even had a chanced to get two words out, Hans stopped me.

"First we attend to business," he said as he reached for his wallet and removed three crisp twenties and a ten.  He'd done his research on the cost of my bikini it seemed.

Graciously I attempted to decline.  After all, I'd already purchased the bikini months ago.  Plus it didn't seem right for me to accept the money.  But Hans wouldn't let me say no.

So he drank his water, we talked as always and Hans left me $70 to pay for my bikini.  Hey, at least it's not a couch.

Decisions: Bikinis or Guitars

Our Hooters Bikini Contest is just around the corner. Taking place on May 3rd, my body is hot and ready (thanks boxing/bootcamp/running my ass off) and I just bought this hot bikini from Target that totally looks just like a really expensive one from Victoria's Secret (sweet find!). So basically I'm ready to go and flaunt my body in an attempt to win some very awesome prizes and hopefully a trip to Florida.

Well not quite ready. Actually I'm not participating at all - though I had every intention to. So what happened to make me miss out on this once in a lifetime chance to parade around in my cutest swimwear? The Colgate Country Showdown happened. Not only did it happen but it happened on the exact same day as our Bikini Contest. Damn.

So what is the Colgate Country Showdown? The Showdown is only one of the biggest talent competitions in country music. To give you an idea of how big, Garth Brooks participated way back when and didn't even make it nationals. That's right, one of the biggest country recording artists (or just recording artists in general even) didn't even get to the national level. Basically it starts at the local level at hundreds of competitions around the country. If you win your local contest you head to state, win that and head to regionals, win that and you compete at nationals on live TV. The national winner gets $100,000, crazy amounts of exposure, and of course a recording contract.

It'd be a very long shot to make nationals, but I would kick myself for not trying. I would at least hope to win state because at that level you win $1000 and still get a healthy amount of exposure. Also, I'll get extra points for not only playing my guitar but for singing original material (a fact that makes it superior to American Idol in my opinion) and after watching another local competition I've realized that most girls sing cover songs with karaoke backing tracks - more points to me, hell yes!

So why am I talking about all this now? Well my demo is due to the radio station today; today officially starts my journey to the Colgate Country Showdown. Technically, it probably started when I was recording in my closet (which actually makes a pretty phenomenal little studio with a decent mic and GarageBand) which of course was done last minute. Anyway, my demo is due before 5:00 and I'll know if I was selected sometime next week. Then, if selected, there is a preliminary on May 3rd (Bikini Contest day for those paying attention) and a local final on May 17th. Here goes nothing!

Oh and as a side note my managers wouldn't let me choose the Bikini Contest over the Showdown (in fact one of my managers was the first to hear the radio commercial for it and tell me I BETTER do it). A part of me still is a little bummed that I can't be in the Hooters Bikini Contest, but country music is my dream. Maybe I'll just play the show in my bikini - I wonder if you get extra points for that.