How to Get Fired for Idiots - And Then Apologize for It

You all know what happened.  An underage coworker of mine was caught lying about her age to get a drink at the bar.  Of course this got her fired.  Which is exactly what should have happened.  She left.  We all talked about it as a restaurant full of women is apt to do.  And that was that.

Until it wasn't.  In a total out of character move for most fired restaurant employees, the girl in question actually took the time to write an apology to Hooters.  Yes, actually WRITE.  She didn't email or call or text.  She actually put a little bit of effort in an drafted an apology.  I have to admit that's pretty astounding in this day and age.

What I find most impressive though is the fact that it wasn't one of those underhanded apologizes that's actually begging for your job back in disguise.  She made it clear that she understood and didn't expect to be asked to return to work.  She was handling her shit like an adult.  I like that.

In addition to all of that, she took the time to specifically apologize for possibly putting the bartender's job in jeopardy as well as her own.  In the end it seemed that that was the fact she was most regretful about.

So while I still think what she did was entirely stupid, I am pleased to see someone take responsibility for their actions.  A little consideration is just nice now and again.

How to Get Fired for Idiots

CREDIT

I’ve never found myself in a position where I needed to worry about being fired.  Not only is doing a job poorly not in my personality, but being the daughter of two bakers/business owners who have dealt with their share of shitty employees I know what not to do.  However I imagine that if I ever was going to do something fire worthy I’d be sure to go out with a bang.  I’d throw shit and punch a couple customers in the throat and scream obscenities in the most profane combinations.  I would be fired, but I would be a legend.

The following – which happened last week – is what I definitely wouldn’t do:

One of our newest girls had just gotten off shift when she decided to stop at the bar.  Sitting down and talking to a regular, he kindly offered to buy her a drink, which she readily accepted.  At this point the bartender – who had never worked with this particular girl – asked if she was old enough.  Well of course she was old enough!  She was 23 after all, she pointed out.  She was soon enough sipping a sugary blended margarita full of body warming tequila.

Just about then the manager walked by.  Though this manager had never worked with this new hire either she was pretty sure she was not 23.  In fact she was pretty sure she was under 21.  So she asked a few girls and finally went to the employee files.  You know, where important things are kept like Xeroxes of IDs.  It didn’t take long to find what she was looking for.  I’ll give you one guess who was 19.

The manager approached the girl and a bit of a commotion began.  Just as the drink was being taken away our owner, who happened to be sitting directly behind the underage employee in question having a few drinks with friends, overheard what was going on at the bar next to him.  After he heard what had happened he fired her on the spot.

Yes, that actually effing happened.  First off, how dumb do you have to be drink underage at a place where you’re employed?  After all they have all your information readily available for cross-referencing.  That’s just down right stupid.  And that’s before you account for the fact that the man who owns the restaurant is close enough to smell the tequila on your lying breath.  I’m sorry, but that’s pretty much one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.

Of course as the story began to spread around the restaurant like wildfire it became apparent that she’d not tried to drink at work once before, but twice.  She went from plain stupid to downright slow as shit.  I’m still amazed at the IQ deficiency that sort of decision-making would require.

And as far as the bartender goes, who wouldn’t believe a fellow employee who so adamantly claimed she was old enough?  Honestly, I think I would have served her too in that situation.  It would never have crossed my mind that she’d lie with two managers and our owner milling around.  My guess is she probably didn’t even think about it.  Or didn’t care.

So that’s this week’s top way to get fired.  I’m sincerely hoping no one tops it.  For this week at least.

NASCAR Almost Got Me Fired

Once upon a time in the infancy of my Hooters career, I actually thought I was going to get fired.  Yes, the amazing Sauce left her job one fatefully day nearly crapping her pants that her next shift would bring nothing more than a pink slip of doom.  I really was that scared that I'd messed up.  I think I even might have cried.

Did I drop a plate of nachos on someone?  Did I scream at a guest?  Did I just all around suck at my job?  No, I did something much worse.  Something nearly unthinkable in its awfulness.  I changed the channel off NASCAR.  Yeah, you read that right.  I thought I was going to be fired for changing NASCAR to some other sporting event I can't even recall.  That's probably a cardinal sin.

After seating a family at a round high table, they nicely asked for me to change the channel.  It might have been to football or basketball or curling, but they definitely wanted anything other than the NASCAR on the screen above them.  I cordially said I would, running to grab the remote after I noted that no one seemed to be watching the current channel.

No sooner had the TV flickered from one channel to another than I heard a grumbling behind me.  It didn't take long for that low grumble to grow into full-fledged yelling from a table of men a few feet away.  I nearly immediately registered that all the screaming had to do with me changing the channel.  So, as I figured the dude yelling at me laid claim to the TV first, I kindly explained to the family that I'd have to change the channel back.

Of course this wasn't good enough.  The twenty or so seconds the TV had been off NASCAR were apparently the end of the world and even though the cars were once again zipping around the track the yelling didn't stop.  And then I heard it.

"I can't WAIT to tell (owner's name) about how awful it's been at Hooters today."

I whipped around quickly and the yeller immediately registered the pang of worry strike my face.

"That's right, I know (owner's name) really well and he'll be hearing all about this.  I'm sure he won't be happy."

I was almost instantly afraid.  While getting fired over something so ridiculous seemed insane, I was new.  And no one really cares that much about a new girl.  As the rant continued to grow more angry and more specific, my fear turned into shear panic.  I was sure I was going to be fired right then and there.  It suddenly seemed a certainty.

But of course I wasn't fired.  Or even talked to.  Turns out it didn't matter at all.  And my guitar probably saved me from - at least - a write up.  Yes, I'd brought my guitar that day and, even though I was upset and worried, I had promised to play.  So I played and that's right about when the crazy yeller fell in love.  Seriously.  In.  Love.

So not only did my guitar save my ass, it created my biggest Hooters fan.  Yes, it's time to be introduced to a new character.  He shall be called Talladega and though we didn't start well AT ALL I totally love him.  Funny how that happens.

Talladega is now one of my favorite regulars.  He's fun, nice, down to earth and head over heels in love with his wife in the cutest way ever.  He's the only customer who has a CD of my music and I hear he's worn it out.  He's more than forgiven me for changing the channel.  I'm good like that.