Don't Do This If You Want a Job

Today an ad went up on Craigslist looking for new line cooks at Hooters.  Naturally this brought applicants out in force for what I can only imagine is one opening.  It's amazing how competitive the job market can be even for fry cooks.  Welcome to 2011, friends!

Please note the absence of alcoholic beverages.

One of our first applicants sauntered in just after we opened at eleven and took a place at the bar to fill out the application.  As he began to write, I casually asked him if he'd like a water or something else to drink while he was filling out the paperwork.  Now usually I get one of two answers: "no, thanks" or "I'll have a water, please".  This time I heard, "I'll have a Jack and coke - you can make it a double."

Double Jack and coke?  I was surprised, but being as I really couldn't tell him it was a bad idea, I made him the drink.  I watched him casually sip and write his way through the first half of the application.  About the time he flipped over the paper, I asked him if he'd like anything else.  He asked for a Bloody Mary.  I didn't even give him the option of a double the second time.

The Bloody Mary went down faster than the first drink and as I grabbed the glass I once again asked if he'd like anything else.

"Oh I better not.  I probably shouldn't get too wasted while I'm out looking for a job."

You think?!  Better yet, you probably shouldn't even start drinking if you're looking for jobs.  If you really can't stop yourself from indulging, I'd advise not drinking at the restaurant you're applying to.  Especially not WHILE you're applying.  That's pretty much a sure sign you won't be getting a call.  Do all that drinking before noon and you can guarantee the phone won't be ringing.

I don't care if you're a raging alcoholic, I'd hope you're smart enough to not drink and hide that shit while you're applying for a job.  You'd think this would be one of those rules that could simply go unsaid;  Apparently this is not the case.  If it was the case I wouldn't have been serving this guy hard alcohol while he used his application as a coaster on a Monday morning.

If you're reading this, Mr. Drinks, you won't be getting hired.

If you're reading this and you're the guy from Georgia who applied I'd be expecting a call.  I put in a good word for you because you were nice and I liked your hipster blazer.

The Beginning

Once upon a time, I found myself at Hooters.  I had graduated college a few months before and just returned from a fantastic European adventure with my younger sister.  I was also unemployed.  Applying for several professional positions both before and after returning from my post graduation trip, I'd had little luck in my job search.  I was feeling the effects of the recession first hand.  So while I continued my less than successful job hunt, I had fun enjoying myself as if college had never ended.  And that is how I found myself at Hooters on a Saturday morning.

Hooters had opened just a month before.  I'd applied before leaving for my vacation but hadn't even received a second interview.  Unfortunately, my first interview not only followed a horrible attempt to change my hair color from blonde to brown, but also an intense sunburn that left my face peeling.  Needless to say I looked nothing like a Hooters Girl.  I wasn't surprised when they didn't call back.

Several months after my horrible first interview I ended up at Hooters that Saturday morning to take the complimentary shuttle bus to the local college football game.  So there I sat with two of my very best guy friends drinking Big Daddies and Clearwater Punches waiting for our ride to the game.  I was in white short shorts, tan and less than sober.  Luckily, my less than soberness allowed me to let my personality shine through - naturally.  So I was in white short shorts, tan, less than sober and extra bubbly.  Apparently I was Hooters Girl material.

Getting on the bus the general manager, who'd interviewed me a few months before, stopped me. 

"You'd make an awesome Hooters Girl," the manager beamed at me.

"Um, really?!"

"Oh yeah!  I'd love to have you on staff.  Stop in on Monday and we'll get you started."

It seemed that with my hair a perfect shade of brown and my generally clear skin not peeling awkwardly off my face I was actually exactly what Hooters had been looking for all along.  Go figure.  And that was it, I came in the following Monday, tried on a uniform and was scheduled to train the next day.  I'd gone from Hooters reject to Hooters Girl in no time at all.  Over a year later I'm still here.  Thanks, Big Daddies, I owe you one.