The Return of Nylon Man

Way back when in September, I had my creepiest, weirdest, most unbelievable Hooters customer ever.  He loved model trains and had jacked up, maybe fake, maybe real teeth and the advanced security of a belt/suspenders combo.  Mostly he was odd because he wore - and evidently looked really hot in according to him - male nylons which he called the perfect strip club attire.  He even gave me a card so I could check out the awesome myself.  I basically spent the whole time trying to not simultaneously laugh and vomit all over him.  If you missed this adventure, I highly suggest you visit it HERE.

Here we are nearly six months later and nylon man has returned.  Unfortunately, I didn't have the extreme pleasure of waiting on him.  You see I was too busy doing other things like running my car into ditches and stuff.  Damn.  But lucky for me (and you) my most favorite customer made sure to creep out his newest Hooters Girl by constantly asking about me and talking about me in the weirdest manner possible.  After severely creeping the shit of yet another Hooters Girl, the manager went over to catch it all for herself.  Evidently the conversation went a little something like this:

Manager: "So how was your meal this afternoon?"

Nylon Man: "Simply scrumptious.  Was missing a little extra Sauce though if you know what I mean."

Manager:  "Yeah, she has the day off today.  We can't make them work everyday!"

Nylon Man:  "Yes, I was told that, but I'm not sure I believe it.  I can feel she's here."

Manager:  "Well last I checked she wasn't.  Sorry to disappoint you."

Nylon Man:  "In that case, give her this note when she comes out of hiding."  I hear this was followed by a strange attempt at winking.

After returning to work a few days later I was handed the note at jumpstart.  I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I read it.  I now present it here unedited (including his own cross-outs) for you.

Sawuse,
I stopped by to get an idea some info on a patent.  Hah lawyer joke.  I just got back from Spokane at a model RR show.
I thought I'd say high.  I was the one who gave you the business card on www.comfilon.com.  I still wear my nylons if you were curious.
Give me a call if you want to talk about it sometime (phone number).
Rod (name changed)

WTF.

A New Take on Nylons

The first thing I noticed was that he was wearing suspenders - and a belt.  Apparently, he was the sort of man that was very interested in keeping his pants in the right place.  Or he liked contrast of the suspender, belt combo over his red flannel shirt, either way.  Needless to say, I was hardly surprised when he told me he was in town for a model train sale.  After all, what is more cliché for a toy train collector than flannel and suspenders?  The belt must have been for good measure.

After taking in his outfit, I noticed the size of his teeth.  They were the sort of teeth that might be dentures, but you're not really sure.  Suddenly you find yourself staring awkwardly at a middle-aged man's mouth unable to deflect your eyes.  Luckily, beyond being a snappy dresser, my guest was also a stunning conversationalist.  Of course by conversation I mean him talking and me feigning interest with a quick nod and smile here and there.

"I notice you're wearing nylons," he said pointing at my pantyhose clad legs without any warning.

"Oh yeah, it's a Hooters staple.  There have been Hooters Girls since 1983 and we're probably wearing the same nylons they did," I replied with a forced laugh.

"I do love nylons."  Expecting him to begin regaling me about his nylon fetish I braced for the worst.  Nothing could have prepared me for what came next.

"Did you know they have nylons for men?  My nylons look as good on me as yours look on you.  They do wonders for the legs."  Um what?!

Suddenly, I found myself being initiated into the unknown world of male active legwear.  Whereas I have developed a deep disdain for all things relating to nylons, my wing-eating guest raved about their comfort under jeans, khakis and all manner of pants.  Naturally, after hearing a rather lengthy review of male nylons, I made the assumption that my new friend must be gay, or a transvestite.  Luckily, at this moment of discovery, he proved me otherwise.

"You know, male legwear is really best at the strip club," he casually offered as I came crashing back to reality.  "I prefer spandex leggings when I'm at my favorite club.  You see with spandex the girls can really slide around.  They'll get stuck on jeans and they really hate that.  My favorite girl was telling me that just the other day.  Yes, they really don't like the jeans."

I stared blankly as I tried to process all the information I'd just heard and somehow managed to say, "I see."

"Oh, and speaking of my favorite girl reminds me that I really should get her a shirt.  Do you have something white?  I think that would show up in the backlights really nicely.  Oh and did I tell you she looks like Marilyn Monroe?  Yes, she'd look great in something white."

"I'll go grab you a few options to look at.  We'll find her just the right thing."

Bringing back an assortment of tanks and t-shirts, he settled on a classic Hooters tank top in a crisp white.  I bagged the shirt, handed him his check and brought him the correct change.  As I was counting out the appropriate coins and bills he pulled out his wallet.  Rather than simply taking the change, he reached into his wallet and pulled out a business card.

"You know you should really look up these male nylons," he said handing me the card.  "Great people over in Ohio.  I mean just dynamite people."

"Oh, yeah, I'll check that out for sure.  Sounds pretty interesting."

"Oh it really is, just amazing stuff.  One day all men will wear them.  I'm just sure of it.  And remember, if you're ever at the strip club look for the man in spandex!"

I cautiously smiled.  I'll be sure to do that, sir.

Check out ComfiLon's Activ Skin at www.comfilon.com.  Prepare to be amazed.