What's in a Name?

Thanks for backing me up, Ting Tings.  CREDIT.

One of the reasons I go by Sauce is because my actual name isn’t exactly common.  In fact, when I introduce myself to tables it often becomes pretty apparent that my name sort of scares the shit out of  people because it catches them so off guard.  Seriously, it does.  Quickly following my name with “Sauce” is somewhat of a necessity.  Otherwise people’s heads might spin off or something and that would make me a murderer.  I’m not into that.

Recently I introduced myself as normal to a guest at the bar and rather than the usual response of “your name is what?” or “how did you make that shit up?” I was met by, “well you’re pronouncing that VERY wrong.”

Wait, what?  You say I’m pronouncing my own effing name wrong?  Yes, that is certainly what the middle-aged man across the bar from me was asserting.  And he was asserting it quite strongly.

“I know a girl with that name and it might be spelled that way, but that is most certainly NOT how you say it.”

He then went on to “correctly” pronounce my name full of all sorts of letters that have absolutely no place amidst or connection to the actual letters in my name.  This guy was pulling shit from all over the alphabet and jamming it all in my name however he saw he fit.  For the record, I’ve heard my name pronounced lots of ways, but this was certainly not even close to one of them.

So I attempted to correct him.  He would have absolutely none of it.

Let me get this straight.  You’re trying to tell me that for twenty-six years I’ve been saying my name totally incorrectly?  You’re also telling me that my father – who is still a citizen of the country of origin of my name – has also been pronouncing my name incorrectly.  This leads you to basically be telling me that a whole freaking country has been pronouncing my name incorrectly for hundreds of years and not giving two craps about it.  Clearly something is not adding up here.

For the record, he never believed that I was pronouncing my name correctly.  It was clearly a lost cause.

If you’re reading this, dude.  It just might be possible that your friend’s parents were the ones who choice an odd spelling of a different name.  I’m not saying they are wrong, I’m just saying I’m definitely not wrong.  I know my shit.  And believe it or not I know my name too.  It’s a gift.

Sauce, not Sauce

"SAUCE"

"Sauce"

"Saucity, saucy, sauce."

I don't know how it took over two effing years for this to dawn on me, but it's really inconvenient to have the nickname "Sauce" at Hooters.  I mean sauce of some kind appears or can appear on almost every menu item.  Now as you can probably imagine this leads to an awful lot of sauce discussions both in the kitchen and on the floor.  None of which involve me.

So there I'll be walking by someone doing something of importance and suddenly I'll hear "Sauce."  Sometimes I'm smart enough to realize they're just talking about the deliciousness of spicy garlic sauce, but then there are the times I'm so enthralled in restocking paper towels that I automatically think that they are talking to me.  After all, I am pretty much the most important person ever.  Then I'll invariably find myself in some marginally awkward situation where I've interrupted a conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

HG:  "So our hot sauce is actually more to the medium side of the heat scale."

Sauce:   "You needed me?"

HG:  "Um, what?  No."

This is generally followed by awkward staring from both the Hooters Girl and the customer as I attempt to back away from the table as casually as possible.  I imagine that this is the point where the girl tries to explain that I have the most confusing name in the world and that Sauce is my nickname.  Or they just pretend I wasn't weird and move on to breaded or naked.

This is probably more common with the kitchen.  You see the kitchen calls for "Sauce" when my food is done.  So of course I'll hear sauce and find my way to the sell window expecting to pick up a delicious fried delicacy.

Sauce:  "So where's my food?"

Cook:  "Um, what food?"

Sauce:  "The food you called for when you called my name which you didn't really call did you."

As my trailing ramble progresses I am invariably met with blank stares that I can only imagine confirm how strange I really am.  Again I back away and pretend I didn't just look like a creep.

Note to self:  The whole world is in fact NOT talking about you all the time.  Only most of the time of course.

Share Some Sauce

I don't know if you noticed, but I added a fancy little SHARE button to my posts.  See him down there looking all cute and icony?  Yeah, I'm a fan.  A huge, nerdy, blogging fan.

Now if you read a post you particularly enjoy because I'm being extra awesome you can share it with your best friend/grandma/frenemy/boss/crush.  You know, all those special people in your life who could use a little extra Sauce.

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for sharing!

A Little Bit About Sauce

Our swimsuit contest is coming up in the beginning of April.  I signed up.  This is a decision I nearly immediately regretted.  First off it's really not my style.  It's also insanely expensive when all is said and done.  Being my father's daughter, I hate spending money.  He's Dutch, he taught me cliché, Dutch cheapness amazingly well.  In addition he also taught me not be a quitter.  So here I am somewhat begrudgingly preparing for my swimsuit contest debut (unless you count bikini skiing contest, I already have that championship under my belt).

This post however is not directly about the bikini contest.  Rather, it is about the questions we will be asked during the bikini contest.  In an effort to show that Hooters Girls do indeed have a personality, management has decided to include a small interview question to the contest.  This will either be the greatest idea ever or an incredible disaster.  Luckily the questions contain nothing of actual substance so we should be just fine.  We wouldn't want to challenge anyone.

Here I will present you with the both the questions (of which we will be asked two or three) and my own answers.  I figured this could be an interesting journey into the life of Sauce.  Or it will be boring.  Whatever, you'll read it anyway.

1.   Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Are we looking at this realistically or ideally?  Realistically, I hope to be a lawyer starting a family.  I hope to be successful both professionally and personally.  Mostly, I hope I'm happy and devastatingly in love.
Ideally on the other hand, I hope that I'm a singer that was successful enough to drop out of law school and devote myself to my music.  I still hope I'm happy and devastatingly in love.

2.   What' the worst pickup line you've heard at Hooters?
"So, you want my hotel room number or what?"  He proceeded to leave the room number on his receipt for me.  Seriously.

3.   What's your favorite word?
Plethora.

4.   If you had a billion dollars what would you do with it?
Honestly I'd probably just save it all.  I have a very hard time spending money, even when I have a lot of it.  Saving money gives me a weird high so saving a billion dollars would probably give me a crazy insane high.  Oh and I'd donate a lot to Parkinson's research because seeing my grandmother die from it was one of the worst things I've ever seen.

5.   Do you have any nicknames?  If so what?
Sauce, Hot Sauce and any variation therein.  This is a (somewhat) logical progression from my actual name that can be mildly confusing as it's anything but common.  I've also been called Big Dutch because I am tall and Dutch, but it makes people that don't know me think I'm obese and Dutch.  Since it's less than flattering I try to ignore that one.

6.   Who's your favorite Professional Athlete?
Current:  Usain Bolt.  I am a track nerd.  Plus, he gives tall sprinters hope.  Thank you.
All-time:  John Elway.  DON'T HATE!

7.   Describe your dream man.
First off he's tall.  I'm talking 6'3+.  I like to wear heels.  This is a no compromise issue.  But mostly he makes me laugh, makes me think and makes me feel loved.  He is trusting and trustworthy.  He is driven to be successful both personally and professionally.  And he's really, really cute.  Tall, dark and handsome?  Yes please!

8.   What's your favorite feature of yourself?
My quick wit.  Or my extremely long legs.  Either way.

9.   What was your worst dating experience?
I've had many less that ideal dating experiences.  It's hard to choose, but my worst would be the guy who took me to an Italian restaurant and used his hand to wind his linguine around his fork.  Watching him wrap those noodles around and around and around will forever be etched in my brain.  But I did date a guy who lived in a doublewide with his parents and was unemployed.  Obviously picking my worst is a hard choice.

10.   Have you cheated on a test?
I've never cheated to get ahead on a test, but I have helped others cheat.  I took Native American Studies 100 with a very serious boyfriend and he thought studying was overrated.  After he scored quite poorly on his first test of the class, I helped him cheat on the two remaining exams.  It was a large lecture class and we'd sit a seat apart with our feet touching.  I would then tap his foot to correspond with the answers; one tap for A, two for B, three for C and so on.  He got As on the remaining tests.

11.   What is your favorite activity to do at Hooters?
I love playing my guitar at work.  I don't know any other restaurant that would encourage me to do that.

12.   Describe yourself in three words. (for the record I effing hate this question)
Tall, glamorous nerd.

13.   What's the weirdest thing that has happened to you while working at Hooters?
Nylons man.   Enough said.

14.   Describe your first kiss.
I was almost seventeen.  You can call me a late-bloomer.  It was slobbery and awful.  I mean really slobbery.  Luckily, my second kiss let me know the saliva issue was clearly not my fault.

15.   What did you want to be as a child?
When I was really little I wanted to be President.  Then I decided I'd be a meteorologist.  This dream ended when I went to the National Weather Service at fourteen and every employee was an overweight guy at a computer.  I realized I didn't fit in.

16.   What is your favorite food at Hooters?
If calories didn't exist I'd say the Strip Cheese Sandwich.  Other than that I'd say oysters on the half shell.

17.   What is the most memorable day that you've ever had?
Winning the State Championship for high jump.

18.   Tell your favorite joke.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and rhino?   Elephino!  Read it out loud.  Seriously do it.  Stupid, I know, but people ALWAYS laugh.

19.   Why would you want to win this swimsuit contest?
I would want to win this contest to show that a Hooters Girl is not only about a certain look, but she's about personality and charm too.  She more than a pretty face, she's a beautiful person.

20.   What do you love most about Montana?
I love how in Montana you can drive five minutes out of town and be lost in the wilderness.  I love that juxtaposition of urban and rural that is quintessentially Montana.