The New Girl's Boyfriend

Over three years ago I began my job at Hooters.  Now three years is an awful long time, but even now one question stands out from my interview.

“Do you have a boyfriend or husband who would be jealous or uncomfortable with you working at Hooters?”

While that question would seem odd in most interview situations, it’s fairly understandable in an atmosphere like Hooters.  At the time, I got to say no and luckily I can still say no – though now just in regards to the second part – to this day.  This weekend however I got a front row seat to why that question, and an honest answer, is oh so important.

Saturday, we had a new girl on her second day of training.  She seemed like a good hire which given recent trend was rather refreshing.  She was inquisitive, helpful, friendly and actually studied for her tests.  No on ever studies for their tests no matter how many times I reassure them that they are actually hard.  Believe it or not I’m not lying to you when I say that it’s difficult.  And yes, I do take a slight amount of pleasure when you fail.  I did warn your ass after all.

Anyway, this girl – even on only her second day – seemed to me like a great Hooters Girl in the making.  Of course she just had to go and prove me wrong.  Or more specifically her creepy, clearly overbearing boyfriend decided to prove me wrong.  He just had to ruin the fun for everyone.  Douche.

New girl comes in, we set up the restaurant in record time and things are going well.  We’re ready way before opening at eleven because we’re totally awesome.  By the time we unlock the doors we’re ready to go and apparently so are the football fans; as soon as the doors are open people come streaming in.  Tables are quickly sat and drinks are run.  It’s a typical NFL Sunday and new girl is handling it like a champ.  I mentally add that to the list of things that will make her good at her job.

This is less creepy than what actually happened.

Then she gets weird.  She goes from bubbly to quite so quickly I think she’s gotten sick.  Suddenly something is wrong and it’s glaringly obvious.  Scanning the restaurant it’s apparent that the “something” is a single customer sipping a soda and intently staring at our newest trainee.  It is a powerful, disconcerting stare and even without being directed at me, makes me uncomfortable.  He watches her every move from her interactions with tables to the dumping a plate of leftovers into the garbage.  It’s all weird as eff.

“That’s her boyfriend or fiancé or whatever,” remarks the girl who’s directly training her today.  “He was here on her first shift too just hanging out and watching her work.  It’s so uncomfortable and awkward.”

And it was uncomfortable and awkward.  Especially when he started shooting the “I love you” sign at her across the room shaking his hand until she took notice.  That’s when enough was enough and my manager went to talk with him.  After a few minutes of talking, the boyfriend got up and left.  Finally.

Things returned to normal. Until he came back and found his way to my bar.  He took a spot in the corner and continued his staring.  Eventually, as I was putting in an order, he turned to me.

“Is it against the rules for you girls to flirt or something?”

I wasn’t really sure where he was going with the question, but I told him that while there was no rule against it, flirting wasn’t really acceptable but that often people take our good service and kindness for flirting.  Suddenly I found myself on the receiving end of him validating his reason for being there.  For a while I just let him go.

“You know,” I said eventually, “you really don’t need to justify anything to me.  And while it’s not technically against any rules for you to be here, it seems to be making your girlfriend really uncomfortable.  I mean don’t you think it makes it a little hard for her to do her job with you hanging around?  I promise nothing is going to happen to her while she’s at work today, but honestly it may if you keep doing this.  Our owner really doesn’t like boyfriends hanging around and I don’t think you want to put the job she just started in jeopardy.  I’ve seen people let go for far less.”

He thought about all that for second and again tried to justify why he was there.  I realized then it was a lost cause.  This guy was a controlling boyfriend in every sense of the word and nothing I was going to say would change that.

The next day, the new girl never showed up for her shift.  But I wasn’t surprised.  I had a pretty good feeling that she went home, he got pissed and she was told she couldn’t work at Hooters anymore.  It’s a shame, but hardly unexpected.  Boyfriends always have issues with Hooters, but really in the end the issues are far deeper than a job involving short shorts.

Too bad we lost such a good one.

Please remember to keep voting for me in the Hooters Halloween Costume Contest on Facebook!  You can vote once per day, per account until November 1st.  My poor, MBA school ass would really appreciate you taking the time to vote.  And telling your friends.  Or your mom.  Or you cat if he has a page.  You get the idea.

VOTE HERE!

The Boyfriend Question

And then sometimes work is like work.

Almost three years ago I had my first interview at Hooters.  Not having opened yet, I met the general manager in a stark hotel convention center next to the growing wooden skeleton of Hooters next door.  While the exact stereotypical questions I was asked now escape me, one not-so-typical question will always remain with me:

“Do you have a boyfriend or significant other that would have a problem with you working at Hooters?”

While that particular interview question seemed a little funny at the time, it also seemed entirely relevant.  It takes no stretch of the imagination to understand why the question is an important one.   An important question I could easily say no to.  At the time I was newly single and loving being completely unattached.  There was no around to worry about me working at Hooters except for me.

Regardless of my status at the time however, I knew I would never be the type of girl to let a man mandate where I chose to work whether my choice was Hooters or not.  I suppose it comes down to the fact that a guy who takes such a strong, controlling stance on one issue would probably do the same on others.  As an independent, self-sufficient woman I don’t do controlling guys.  Life is just too short to let someone else do your decision-making.

 I hadn’t really thought about all of this in a long time until just recently.  I was training a couple of weeks ago when my trainee began talking about her ex boyfriend.  As it turned out, he had urged her to apply at Hooters pointing out the opportunity to make good tips.  After he’d mentioned the idea a few times she came in and applied and to her surprise was hired nearly right away. 

And that’s when things got weird.  Suddenly the boyfriend who was so into the Hooters idea decided that he didn’t like her working there.  In fact he didn’t like the idea so much that he decided to breakup with her over it (while I am sure there is more to the story, this seems to have been the major point of contention).  Hooters was that big of a deal.

Now I’m not going to jump on how wrong his – or any other guy’s – negative opinion of Hooters is.  As I’ve always asserted, I have no problem with people not liking Hooters.  What I do have a problem with is people forcing that opinion on others.  And I’d say a boyfriend/husband/fiancé forcing his girlfriend/wife/fiancé to quit or never apply at Hooters if she wants to is certainly forcing an opinion.  That is something I totally take issue with.

So no, I do not have a boyfriend or significant other who has a problem with me working at Hooters.  In fact, I thing Dreamy likes that I work at Hooters.  Not only does it mean his girlfriend has a reasonable level of hotness, but a pretty decent personality too.  Plus all that work at Hooters bought him a PS3.  Here’s to working it at Hooters because I can and because I want too.  No man-pinions needed.

The Smoking Contract

I've got a new man in my life.  And by new man I actually mean a guy I've dated for a while but haven't talked about.  It's not that I don't want to talk about him, it's that for some reason blogging seems to jinx my relationships.  Of course it could also have a lot to do with the fact that I've had rather horrible taste in men in the past.  Horrible, horrible taste.  Naturally, that probably leads you to question my taste this time around.  Fear not, this time I have found myself a nice guy.  I'm talking southern gentleman nice.  And he's tall.  So in tall in fact that he makes me look short even in my most towering of heels.  He is six feet, eight inches of pure tall, dark and handsome awesomeness.  Plus he was a college athlete like me.  Plus he sings.  Plus he cooks me dinner.  As far as I'm concerned he's a keeper.

But not everyone can be perfect.  Even tall, gorgeous, compatible men.  Sometimes your dreamy boyfriend decides to have a vice that frankly disgusts the shit right out of you.  Sometimes your dreamy boyfriend smokes.  And that is a major turn-off.  Once upon a time I decided I would never date a smoker.  Then Dreamy came along and I broke my rule right in half.  Now by broke my rule I really mean that I pester him relentlessly to quit smoking.  And I never kiss him after a cigarette.  Maybe that sounds mean, but he's wanted to quit.  Why not help him along a bit by withholding my sweet kisses?

So he's been trying to quit.  Not so much for me, but for himself.  It hasn't been easy for him and though he's cut back significantly he still can't seem to completely kick it.  Which is understandable; it's addictive I hear.  So what are a boy and his adorable girlfriend to do?  Well they make a contract.  Wait, what?  Yeah, they make a contract.  He quits and I do something for him.  So what does he get out of quitting?  He gets blonde Sauce.

You see, long ago in the ancient times of two and a half years ago I was blonde.  In fact though I'm now brunette I was blonde for 23 whole years.  That's a lot of blondeness.  But one day this blonde decided to become a brunette.  And then cut her once long hair into a short A-line cut.  You could call it a change.  A sexy change that got tons of compliments.  But not everyone was happy with the new brunette Sauce.  By everyone I mean my Dutch dad.  After all what is more Dutch than a tall, blonde chick?  Well maybe a tall, blonde chick in wooden shoes, but you get the idea.

Then Dreamy came along and, after seeing a few pictures, joined team dad.  He wanted to see the blonde in person and not just in a bunch of old Facebook albums.  So after some thought I decided to offer to dye my hair in exchange for him quitting smoking.  And he loved it.  If he can quit smoking and maintain it for two months - and my spies confirm - I will become blonde once again.  I think it's a fair trade. 

By Christmas we may again have a blonde Sauce on our hands.  Don't worry, I won't let all the dye go to my head.

The Curse

There is an epidemic at Hooters of Missoula. Don't worry, it's not the swine flu; thus far that illness has been floating around the college bars downtown (seriously) and avoided us entirely. No, something much worse than vomiting and diarrhea has taken hold of our beloved Hooters, infecting our girls without concern or discretion - no girl is safe from this condition. Our girls have ugly boyfriends.

Since our Hooters opened just over a year ago it has been increasingly apparent that ugly men have weaseled their way into the hearts of many unsuspecting Hooters Girls. Now it's not simply one or two girls, but nearly all the girls have dated guys that could never be described as handsome. Please refrain from finding me shallow because often an

ugly personality has accompanied these less than attractive exteriors. Hooters Girls of Missoula, Montana somehow find themselves with less than attractive douche bags and lets face it, if you're going to date a douche bag he should at least be hot enough to take out in public. It's the classic "why in the eff is she dating that piece of shit" situation.

How these men get into their advantageous positions with Hooters Girls is a mystery that remains unsolved. It is also a mystery as to why this infection claims the lives of so many unassuming young women. Case in point, within month of pulling on the orange shorts for the first time I found myself in the midst of relationship with a classic tool bag who lacked the looks to support his overly inflated ego. How it exactly happened is entirely beyond me, but suddenly I found myself at the beck and call of a man I would usually fervently avoid. The disease that had infected so many Hooters Girls had claimed me as well. Luckily, a level head and a firm sense of self worth where the perfect prescription for uglydouchebagitis.

While I have recovered from this unfortunate ailment many other girls have not been so lucky. Some move from one bad relationship to the next. Others just stick with same a-hole they've been with since day one. Those of us have gotten out can only look on in horror as the ugly takes hold.

"Looks like we've lost another to the curse of the unattractive," remarked Ariel one afternoon as a newer girl gushed about her new boyfriend sitting at the bar.

Yes, souls are still being lost to this dreaded curse and the cause is still unknown. I have fallen pray, Ariel has fallen pray and countless other girls continue to fall pray. I can only hope this epidemic passes. Our causality percentage is already too damn high.

Girl Returns to Singledom

Probation didn't go to well with the boyfriend. Once again the issues with distance proved too much for him and made no sense to me.  I won't go over all the reasons why we finally broke up (you can read most of them a few entries down) but basically it comes down to the fact that he can't be with someone when any distance whatsoever is involved; no matter how much he likes me it can never work when we live apart in his eyes.

The worst part is that neither of us could say goodbye.  In a tear filled, three hour conversation at 2 a.m. we came to the realization that both of us are in very different places when it comes to our relationship and as much as I would do anything to make it work he just thought that it couldn't.  In the end we never said goodbye, but simply goodnight and it was done.  

I miss him dearly, but that was part of the issue for him - he missed me too much to be with me.  This point makes no sense to me because I'd rather miss him and be with him then miss him and be without him (a point he couldn't see).  I guess I just have to get over missing him and move on as impossible as it may seem. 

Right now I'm trying the good 'ol "give him space and he'll want you back" trick but if it doesn't work at least it's the first step in getting over him.  I'm also using this to write music (he always called me 'pretty girl' and this is turning into an amazing song: "guess your pretty girl isn't so pretty anymore") so maybe one day he'll be so lucky to hear me on the radio - now that's a nice dream!  Perhaps I should also call my old roommate, he plays for the Dolphins now and I'm sure he knows lots of single, athletic men (hmmm...another nice dream).

But don't worry, I'll be fine.  I'll just eat lots of ice cream and all the chocolate in the cute Easter basket I made for him - I knew there was a reason I got all my favorites.

The Boyfriend Story

So I was realizing I haven't posted in awhile.  Being that I live in Montana as soon as it gets above 50 degrees (heck sometimes even 45 if the sun is out) everyone gets out the shorts and flip flops and stays outside all day appreciating every moment because odds are it will be 20 degrees again and snowing in a week.  I have not wanted to miss out on this springtime right of passage, so I got a pedicure and bust out the wedgie heals leaving the computer all alone inside (hmmm, it's a laptop, maybe it could come with next time).  Anyway, the fact that I've been contemplating short shorts for everyday wear is not the point of my post.  The point is that I have to tell the story of taking back a guy who tried to dump me on (classy) Facebook.

First it must be known that my boyfriend and I are involved in a "distance" relationship; I place quotes around distance because we only live 120 miles away.  Now personally I do not find 120 miles a very long way, especially in a state where driving is measured in hours and it takes me 5 just to get from my front door to my parents.  My boyfriend on the other hand apparently thinks I might as well live in Egypt if I'm going to be any farther than 10 miles from his house.  

So basically to put a very long story short he attempted to dump me because though I'm "an amazing girl" and everything he "wants" and "perfect" and "fun" he just can't date someone he can't "see everyday."  Personally I found this to be crap and the stupidest excuse for a breakup I have probably ever heard (though I'll have to think on that, I've dated some real winners who were probably, sadly worse).  Last time I checked if someone is everything you want and amazing and blah, blah, blah you do whatever you can to make it work (especially if you're contemplating moving to be with that person in the next several months).

Yep, so he dumped me and I cried a lot and didn't eat and my friends did what good friends do and called him a total douche bag and said I could do so much better.  Then in a late night emotional conversation I told him that I was falling in love with him and suddenly it all stopped.

"You're falling in love with me?  That changes things."  

Excuse me, what?!  Perhaps I didn't hear that right, but no, I did hear that right and after a long talk about him moving and being more emotionally available and talking about crap rather than just dumping people we got back together - it had been 4 days.  So now we're dating again but he doesn't have a free pass, oh heck no!  He better walk on egg shells because if you make a girl cry, especially for days at a time (take note here guys) you owe her BIG time.  Consider him on probation - anyone know where I can get one of those ankle bracelets?

Oh and I also heard from his friend that he thought I was dumping him (dumbass) so he was just being proactive.  Conclusion: boys are dumb, why do I like them so much?