The Mickey Mouse Analogy

Last night, due to the whole corporate mishap, I got to teach Image Class to a group of newer hires.  Image Class is one step of many in the Hooters training regimen and its basic purpose is to teach girls what is required and expected under the title of Hooters Girl.  You learn the uniform and image requirements, tips and tricks for maintaining said requirements, what being a Hooters girl requires as far as attitude, personality and service and why it's all important.

Really, I've always thought that was the most important part of Image Class.  Why are the myriad of rules and requirements so important to being a Hooters Girl?  When I teach my classes, I always begin and end with the why.  I outline the fact that Hooters is a successful brand built around the concept of the Hooters Girl.  The Hooters Girl is the brand and as such there is an expectation held by each and every customer who walks in the door.  They know the iconic image of the Hooters Girl.  They expect that image.  If we didn't deliver it the experience would disappointing.

Yesterday, I finally came up with the perfect analogy for the importance of the Hooters Girl image:

"It's like going to Disney World when you're eight.  You walk through the park gates and all you want to see is Mickey Mouse because after all this is freaking Disney World and as good as all the other stuff is, Mickey is where it's at.  All day you're hoping to see him and finally at the very end of the day you get your chance.  You wait in line and suddenly it's your turn and you're so very excited with your little autograph book and pen ready.  Then you look up at him and you smile with utter happiness just as you're noticing that this Mickey isn't what you expected.  He's all mangy looking and too tall and not plump enough and smells and his ears don't stand up straight and there's no familiar smile.  This Mickey is downright frightening.  That would not only scare the crap out of you, it'd be the most disappointing moment of your eight year old life."

Yes, that was my Mickey Mouse analogy.  I've never used it in class before, but it seemed to get the idea of why upholding the occasionally tedious Hooters Girl standards is of the utmost importance.  A Hooters Girl is an icon and icons are universal images with universal expectations.  It might not always be fun, but there's a reason why I never have an off day.  After all, no one wants to be a mangy Mickey.  That's just not cute.

I Hate Uniform Fitting, Image Class and being a Total Bitch

Somehow I have become the "Image" girl at Hooters.  This means that I am in charge of uniform fitting and image training all new hires at my Hooters.  I'm not really sure how this happened, but one day it just sort of became my job.  It started with fitting one girl and then another and suddenly it was just assumed that it was my job from then on out.  And as much as it's nice to be trusted with a level of responsibility, it's not a job I particularly care for.

While it might sound easy to get a girl her uniform, it's really anything but.  There is nothing comfortable or fun about looking another woman up and down and determining her size.  There you are, alone with a nervous new hire and the first thing that happens is you judge the shit out of her.  You take in the size of her ass and estimate her cup size.  You look her up and down and determine if she's small or smaller or even smaller.  It's pretty much awful for both of us.

Then of course I have to make sure that the all the uniform pieces I chose for her fit correctly.  She'll already feel uneasy putting the uniform on for the first time and I'm forced to make it even worse for her by making her do "the turn."  The turn is a complete 360 that is meant to ensure everything is fitting where it needs to be fitting. 

In addition to making sure she's wearing the uniform correctly, I get to make certain her bum isn't hanging out or her top isn't giving her the dreaded double boob.  Trust me, there are few things more uncomfortable than looking at a girl and telling her she needs bigger shorts because her cheeks are hanging out too much.  No girl ever wants to hear she needs a bigger size - especially not from some girl she just met in a Hooters uniform.

All of this has made me very, very good at uniform fitting because in a situation full of awkward moments I want to avoid as many as possible and get my shit right the first time.  Of course even my Hooters uniform expertise can't save me from Image Class.  Image Class is a three-hour, intensive orientation where each and every new hire learns anything and everything about being a Hooters Girl and maintaining the Hooters Girl look.  This has also become my job.

Image class is where I have to tell girls they are too tan or too white.  I have to tell them their makeup is too heavy or too subtle.  I critique how they do or do not do their hair.  I tell them about proper eating and discuss their exercise regimen.  I do all that and a million other little things that I hate doing.  Of course I have to do it all with just the right amount of "I'm cool" and "I'm a total bitch."  Don't get me wrong, like I said, I love that I was given the responsibility, it's just not in my nature to be so blunt with people.  It's really effing hard for me in fact.

Tomorrow I get the joy of teaching yet another Image Class after a day of working the bar.  It's going to take some psyching up and intense mental preparation.  I've got to get into gentle constructive criticism mode.  Someone pass the wine please.