Are You Smarter Than a Hooters Girl?

She has glasses.  Obviously smart.

Wednesdays are trivia nights at my Hooters.  We call it “Are You Smarter Than a Hooters Girl?”  Feel free to make any jokes now.  I know exactly how that sounds.  Way back when we started doing trivia the name was just that – a name.  At no point did you actual play against a Hooters Girl.  This also meant that at no point did you get to find out if you were smarter than any Hooters Girls.  Unless you count the fact that I got the joy of writing all those trivia questions every week.  I’d say that made me a pretty smart Hooters Girl.  And one that totally hated Wednesdays.

Then a miracle happened.  In December we got Buzztime Trivia.  You know, that fancy on the TV trivia with the little blue answer boxes you can play at some restaurants and bars.  That meant that I never had to write another trivia question.  All these months later and I still haven’t had to write even one question.  It’s pretty much amazing.

What has changed however, is there is actually an “Are You Smarter Than a Hooters Girl?” game.  Of course we usually don’t play that.  It’s not that it’s not a good game, it’s that the crowd doesn’t like it as much as regular hosted trivia.  Hosted trivia is not only longer, but involves me as a host rather than a contestant.  Which people love.  I’m just loveable I suppose.

Of course this doesn’t mean that “Are You Smarter” has been totally avoided.  It’s been played a few times – mostly when our owner is around – including this evening.  And tonight, just like the other times we’ve played, it’s ended the same way.  I won.  In fact I am currently undefeated in “Are You Smarter Than a Hooters Girl?”  I suppose that means that no one is in fact smarter than this Hooters Girl.

While my success proves that fact, people instead see my winning as nothing but cheating.  It is assumed that I have seen the questions and answers before hand.  It is assumed incorrectly.  Believe it or not it is possible for a Hooters Girl to be smarter than you.

All my winning and all the subsequent whining has made it pretty clear that people don’t think smart and Hooters Girl go together.  Obviously this isn’t news to me, but it still pisses me right off.  Just because some girls aren’t the brightest bulbs doesn’t mean I’m one of them.  I’m lit up like a damn runway.  It also doesn’t mean I’m a cheater.  Guess what?  I’m smart and honest.  That’s just a few of the things that make me totally awesome.

Next time I kick your ass at trivia rest assured it’s totally reliant on my own laurels.  Yes, I really am smarter than you.  And look great in ultra tan pantyhose.  It’s a gift. 

The Waitlist, the Flu and Hooters Trivia

Yesterday, as I was sending my weekly trivia questions to my manager, I got an email saying I was wait-listed at my top law school choice.  Needless to say, I was devastated.  I was devastated and I had to go be cute and bubbly as a trivia host for three hours.  It was not a fun time.  Luckily, I am allowed to wear my hair up and throw my glasses on for trivia - fits in with the whole school girl theme we have you know?  So I trudged into work, looking like shit.  Naturally everyone noticed and there I was trying to explain what happened as even the mention of the words "law school" immediately brought me to tears.  Simplified, the night sucked before it even started.

Of course, it couldn't end there.  That would be nice and only mostly devastating.  Instead, my email decided to be a fuck and not send my trivia.  So I had to run home (which is luckily extremely close) and send it again.  This required opening my email, which forced me to see that stupid effing email again that screamed "you suck, but not enough for us to totally reject you".  It's like that boyfriend that doesn't totally dump you, but ignores you sort of until you go away.  You know the type.  It then took my email FIVE DAMN MINUTES to send a simple Word file.  All while that email laughed in my face.  Thank you, cruel irony!

So, I sped back to work realizing I was very glad I hadn't worn eyeliner.  Of course when I got to Hooters the internet was down.  They couldn't receive my email.  Note to self, purchase a printer.  Again I rushed home, this time grabbing my laptop and flying out the door.  I did not open my email.

Finally trivia got underway roughly 43 minutes late.  I was clearly an impressive hostess.  Actually, given the circumstances I was a damn good hostess.  I even got tipped $20.  I never get tipped for trivia.  In over a year of trivia, I have not been tipped once.  So to the man in the red shirt, I thank you.  While the tip made my night, the pain in my stomach did not.  I'd been feeling pained for the past day or so and assumed it was nerves relating to my impending law school notification.  I ignored it, finished trivia and went home to sleep off my awful evening.

Today, after a fitful night sleep, I woke begrudgingly and began to get ready for week.  Still my stomach hated me.  Along with my general sense of failure.  I was not even close to hooterific.  I tried desperately to remember what a wise woman from Hooters Corporate once told me,  "Put it all in a shit and leave that shit at the door.  Drop off your shit and you can pick it up when you leave."  But this shit was unrelenting.  It stuck right to my shoe and wouldn't let go.  Hooterific was an impossibility.

Luckily, it was slow and, understanding why I was in a desperate funk, my manager sent me home after only a few tables.  I was relieved.  But my stomach was not.  Getting home I suddenly realized that my stomach was perhaps more than nerves as my protein shake from a few hours before returned with a vengeance.  My shit that I couldn't leave at the door had multiplied into full blown, both ends, angry, vertical hating stomach flu.  Life delivered the final low blow.

So here I am on the couch, feeling like a failure, running to the bathroom every few minutes and wishing that my sister had a car so she could bring me some ginger ale.  I am not a happy camper.  I am however happy that I used my tax return on a couch.  Good foresight.

Damn Right I'm Smart!

Every Wednesday our restaurant hosts its own trivia extravaganza loving referred to as "Are You Smarter Than a Hooters Girl?".  Now let me just start by saying that in most cases you probably are smarter than a Hooters Girl (disclaimer to those that may work at Hooters:  I realize you may be amazingly smart but judging by my own fellow Hooters Girls I totally meant the previous statement).  In our game you unfortunately don't get to match wits with most of the girls, you get to match wits with me.  That's right, I'm the MC and being that I'm the host of this event I get to write all the questions.

Basically the way it works is that we have three rounds of trivia.  Each round is mutually exclusive and contains ten questions that cover a broad scope of subjects and get increasing harder as the round progresses.  You are given two life lines; you may cheat or copy.  To cheat you ask your Hooters Girl who has no prior knowledge of the questions what the answer is - in my experience she is generally wrong.  If you wish to copy you get to ask me, your lovely host, the difference here is that I know all the questions and answers but that doesn't mean I'll tell you the right answer (I love watching people try to figure out if I'm telling the truth).  If you win a given round you win a $20 Hooters gift certificate.

Now the best part of all this is that I love that I can stump people.  I take pride in coming up with really hard questions or really easy questions that you just can't remember the answers to.  

For example last night I asked, "What does a plant cell have that an animal cell doesn't?"  Answer, cell wall.  Now only one person in the whole restaurant got this right without copying, she was ten and had just learned this in 4th grade science.  I even had a neurosurgeon try and tell me that I was wrong and that all cells have a cell wall so I googled it and showed him.  That's right I stumped a neurosurgeon with a 4th grade science question.

Trivia night has been a huge hit for us and it's made Wednesday one of our busiest nights of the week.  Last night though I really realized why I love to do it.  I had a guy come up to me afterward and say, "I've been to many, many Hooters and this is the best one I've ever been to.  Your trivia is great."  It's just so nice to be appreciated!  So next time you think you're really smart remember that you might not be smarter than this Hooters Girl - even if you're a neurosurgeon.