Creeps

I'm not sure why being suddenly single brings the creeps out of the woodwork.  It's as if they have some sort of creep radar that tells them that this poor girl is newly single so they should try in all their creepy might to get into her pants.  Now why they think I want them anywhere near my pants, let alone in them, is beyond me.  Sorry that I'm not turned on by your charmingly cliche, tired pickup lines.  

Perhaps you are surprised, but girls generally don't enjoy when you start a conversation by saying things like, "do you know how sexy you are?" or "mind if I get to know you?".  Actually, yes I do mind because I noticed right away how much you enjoy my boobs and how your creepy hand lightly places itself above my ass.  Do you mind if I turn you down and don't do it bluntly?

Being single is so damn exhausting!  Now can someone buy me drink without having a staring contest with my chest (guess what, they'll win, they never blink). 

Girl Returns to Singledom

Probation didn't go to well with the boyfriend. Once again the issues with distance proved too much for him and made no sense to me.  I won't go over all the reasons why we finally broke up (you can read most of them a few entries down) but basically it comes down to the fact that he can't be with someone when any distance whatsoever is involved; no matter how much he likes me it can never work when we live apart in his eyes.

The worst part is that neither of us could say goodbye.  In a tear filled, three hour conversation at 2 a.m. we came to the realization that both of us are in very different places when it comes to our relationship and as much as I would do anything to make it work he just thought that it couldn't.  In the end we never said goodbye, but simply goodnight and it was done.  

I miss him dearly, but that was part of the issue for him - he missed me too much to be with me.  This point makes no sense to me because I'd rather miss him and be with him then miss him and be without him (a point he couldn't see).  I guess I just have to get over missing him and move on as impossible as it may seem. 

Right now I'm trying the good 'ol "give him space and he'll want you back" trick but if it doesn't work at least it's the first step in getting over him.  I'm also using this to write music (he always called me 'pretty girl' and this is turning into an amazing song: "guess your pretty girl isn't so pretty anymore") so maybe one day he'll be so lucky to hear me on the radio - now that's a nice dream!  Perhaps I should also call my old roommate, he plays for the Dolphins now and I'm sure he knows lots of single, athletic men (hmmm...another nice dream).

But don't worry, I'll be fine.  I'll just eat lots of ice cream and all the chocolate in the cute Easter basket I made for him - I knew there was a reason I got all my favorites.

Decisions: Bikinis or Guitars

Our Hooters Bikini Contest is just around the corner. Taking place on May 3rd, my body is hot and ready (thanks boxing/bootcamp/running my ass off) and I just bought this hot bikini from Target that totally looks just like a really expensive one from Victoria's Secret (sweet find!). So basically I'm ready to go and flaunt my body in an attempt to win some very awesome prizes and hopefully a trip to Florida.

Well not quite ready. Actually I'm not participating at all - though I had every intention to. So what happened to make me miss out on this once in a lifetime chance to parade around in my cutest swimwear? The Colgate Country Showdown happened. Not only did it happen but it happened on the exact same day as our Bikini Contest. Damn.

So what is the Colgate Country Showdown? The Showdown is only one of the biggest talent competitions in country music. To give you an idea of how big, Garth Brooks participated way back when and didn't even make it nationals. That's right, one of the biggest country recording artists (or just recording artists in general even) didn't even get to the national level. Basically it starts at the local level at hundreds of competitions around the country. If you win your local contest you head to state, win that and head to regionals, win that and you compete at nationals on live TV. The national winner gets $100,000, crazy amounts of exposure, and of course a recording contract.

It'd be a very long shot to make nationals, but I would kick myself for not trying. I would at least hope to win state because at that level you win $1000 and still get a healthy amount of exposure. Also, I'll get extra points for not only playing my guitar but for singing original material (a fact that makes it superior to American Idol in my opinion) and after watching another local competition I've realized that most girls sing cover songs with karaoke backing tracks - more points to me, hell yes!

So why am I talking about all this now? Well my demo is due to the radio station today; today officially starts my journey to the Colgate Country Showdown. Technically, it probably started when I was recording in my closet (which actually makes a pretty phenomenal little studio with a decent mic and GarageBand) which of course was done last minute. Anyway, my demo is due before 5:00 and I'll know if I was selected sometime next week. Then, if selected, there is a preliminary on May 3rd (Bikini Contest day for those paying attention) and a local final on May 17th. Here goes nothing!

Oh and as a side note my managers wouldn't let me choose the Bikini Contest over the Showdown (in fact one of my managers was the first to hear the radio commercial for it and tell me I BETTER do it). A part of me still is a little bummed that I can't be in the Hooters Bikini Contest, but country music is my dream. Maybe I'll just play the show in my bikini - I wonder if you get extra points for that.

Things Overheard

I am one of those nerdy type people that reads pretty much anything she can get her hands on from classics to historical fiction to chick-lit. As an avid reader I have found several things I have in the last few days utterly depressing.

First off, one of my guy friends and I were talking and I was saying how I've spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on books (actually it could be far more than that but I'm scared to even really think about it).

Without flinching he said, "I've only read on book. It was Hatchet and I'm pretty sure that was 4th grade."

First of all when I read Hatchet as a third grader I thought it was awful. Second, of course I figured he was joking, but no he was in no way joking. Logically my first question was how does one get through something like, say school without reading and he promptly admitted to cheating his was through the entire 13 year process of his public education. Does your diploma say, 'General Studies with Emphasis in Cheating' on it because it probably should. I feel bad for his poor underutilized brain.

The other thing I heard this week is actually hilarious while being depressing at the same time. Last night, before my boxing class (please insert word badass here), I made a quick stop at my favorite store, Barnes and Nobel (I think I get a high from the smell of new books...seriously). As I'm casually shopping I come across a young couple in the stacks. While the girl is looking at the books her boyfriend/fiance/husband starts looking at prices (a scary proposition).

In horror he says, "These are so expensive, why don't they have a place where you can just rent books?"

Dear Lord, you did not just say that. Once again he was totally, completely, disappointingly serious. I'm not sure if you've heard but they came out with this amazing invention a few years back called a library and it's pretty legit - I highly recommend it.

I mean I'd tell these people to go read a book and get a clue, but it's pretty apparent they wouldn't read it; more likely they'd just get the Cliff's Notes and still not really get it.

Girl Contemplates the Wonders of Twitter

I have to begin by admitting that I don't really get why Twitter is so exciting. Personally I just don't see the point of summing up my daily activities in blurbs of 140 characters or less (anyone who has read my blog knows I like to talk a lot more than that) that anyone and everyone can read if they want to or not.

And that's the thing, odds are people probably wouldn't read or care about any of the useless crap I'd probably end up tweeting (please excuse me if my twitter slang is incorrect). I can see it now...

Just got a run in my nylons...again

A creeper hit on me...again

I played some sick guitar riffs...again

I'm not famous for being awesome...yet

I guess I'm just really on the fence because while I'm sure it's addictive and wonderful in some really odd way that I can't quite understand, I just don't really see the point. Please feel free to enlighten me. Until I finally jump on the bandwagon I'll just continue to feed my raging Facebook addiction. And for the record I was on the Facebook bandwagon before it was even a wagon and it was more like a few people you didn't even want to be friends with aimlessly wandering around; I'm just cool like that. Not sure if I'm cool enough for Twitter though.

Aspiring to KH's Awesomeness

KH is a fellow blogging Hooters Girl and odds are if you're reading this you got here by reading her blog first.  However, if you stumbled here by accident or by Googling "Hooters 'my nylons" (that shit really happened) I would like to direct you to her amazing blog.  

Unlike me, KH has remained completely anonymous - rather than sorta, kinda anonymous - letting her be incredibly honest, candid, and uncensored.  She is also utterly hilarious speaking on any subject from annoying customers, to her relationship, to a phenomenon called the lady cup. Basically you should read her, not because I say so, just because you should.  You won't be disappointed. 

I also hope to one day be able to come close to her readership so please keep reading.  It'll only be getting better because summer in Montana is almost here and that is a synonym for "crazy shit will be going down" (true story that's, what it means) all of which you can read and lust about here of course!

The Boyfriend Story

So I was realizing I haven't posted in awhile.  Being that I live in Montana as soon as it gets above 50 degrees (heck sometimes even 45 if the sun is out) everyone gets out the shorts and flip flops and stays outside all day appreciating every moment because odds are it will be 20 degrees again and snowing in a week.  I have not wanted to miss out on this springtime right of passage, so I got a pedicure and bust out the wedgie heals leaving the computer all alone inside (hmmm, it's a laptop, maybe it could come with next time).  Anyway, the fact that I've been contemplating short shorts for everyday wear is not the point of my post.  The point is that I have to tell the story of taking back a guy who tried to dump me on (classy) Facebook.

First it must be known that my boyfriend and I are involved in a "distance" relationship; I place quotes around distance because we only live 120 miles away.  Now personally I do not find 120 miles a very long way, especially in a state where driving is measured in hours and it takes me 5 just to get from my front door to my parents.  My boyfriend on the other hand apparently thinks I might as well live in Egypt if I'm going to be any farther than 10 miles from his house.  

So basically to put a very long story short he attempted to dump me because though I'm "an amazing girl" and everything he "wants" and "perfect" and "fun" he just can't date someone he can't "see everyday."  Personally I found this to be crap and the stupidest excuse for a breakup I have probably ever heard (though I'll have to think on that, I've dated some real winners who were probably, sadly worse).  Last time I checked if someone is everything you want and amazing and blah, blah, blah you do whatever you can to make it work (especially if you're contemplating moving to be with that person in the next several months).

Yep, so he dumped me and I cried a lot and didn't eat and my friends did what good friends do and called him a total douche bag and said I could do so much better.  Then in a late night emotional conversation I told him that I was falling in love with him and suddenly it all stopped.

"You're falling in love with me?  That changes things."  

Excuse me, what?!  Perhaps I didn't hear that right, but no, I did hear that right and after a long talk about him moving and being more emotionally available and talking about crap rather than just dumping people we got back together - it had been 4 days.  So now we're dating again but he doesn't have a free pass, oh heck no!  He better walk on egg shells because if you make a girl cry, especially for days at a time (take note here guys) you owe her BIG time.  Consider him on probation - anyone know where I can get one of those ankle bracelets?

Oh and I also heard from his friend that he thought I was dumping him (dumbass) so he was just being proactive.  Conclusion: boys are dumb, why do I like them so much?

Yes, They're Real

Being that I work at Hooters there is always the real vs. fake debate.  Now generally this is applied to breasts as Hooters claim to fame is basically boobs (sorry to those of you who thought it was just the wings).  The other day however the real vs. fake debate went places it probably has never gone.  First allow me to give you a little background so all this will make sense.

As I stated earlier in my blogging history I am a fairly tall girl.  Being that I am tall there are certain truths about my body, the most obvious of which is that I have very long legs (I'm talking 37 inch inseam long here).  Any long legged girl will know that such stems will give you a certain amount of male attention both wanted and unwanted.  Now that we've got that all laid out I'll get back to my story.

So I was going about my business at work as usual when an older gentleman started commenting on my legs - nothing new, happens all the time.  Well as the beer continued to flow and the level of intoxication increased the comments became a little more raunchy - also fine, I'll try and ignore you. Then suddenly it went WAY too far.

As I'm standing at the bar about to pickup my drinks for a table I feel someone grab my legs from behind. Now when I say grab I mean GRAB right about that point where your legs suddenly become your ass.  So I whirl around and it's my leg loving friend...obviously.

"What are you doing?!" was my warranted response. 

I shit you not here he said, "Oh honey I'm sorry but I just had to see where the seams were.  There's no way those are real."

Oh well aren't you cute and original!  And I'm sure you're really sorry for feeling me up in the middle of Hooters.  So yes, they are real and I love them to death but please don't touch them...that's my boyfriend's job (that's right we got back together...long story).