|Those Hooters Girls' smiles actually mean, "check out that effin'|
mess we have to clean up later." CREDIT.
I’ve always had a soft spot for kids. In fact, when I originally started college I was pretty sure I wanted to be a geography teacher. While that may have changed, my adoration for little ones hasn’t. Except for when they’re coloring all over the seats of my booths of course.
One of the things that I’ve come to appreciate about children is their total lack of censorship. I love that kids will think a thought and then just let that thought come stumbling out of their mouths with reckless abandon. Frankly that shit is amusing.
Take, for example, a gentleman of probably no more than five sitting with the rest of his family for dinner. Handing out crayons and coloring sheets as I introduced myself, the boy stared at me intently rather than ripping excitedly into the crayon box like his siblings. As I moved from introductions to drink orders, the boy finally broke his silence.
“So what are we gonna have for dri…”
“You’re not wearing any pants.”
He said it loud and without hesitation. His mother instantly turned red as his dad shot him an I-can’t-believe-that-came-out-of-your-mouth look. Meanwhile I was quickly formulating a response. That’s the thing with kids; you have to be able fire back just as swiftly as they do.
“Well actually I’m just wearing really short pants. See I think my dryer might be broken because when I put them in they were really much longer. But I had to wear something!”
And while he seemed totally satisfied with this response I continued, “So to make up for it I did this instead. Check it out!”
With that I reached down, pulled on my nylons and stretched them a little from my leg.
“See? I decided to wear secret pants today!”
His eyes lit up like I had just told him that he’d won a free year of candy. And a pony. A pony made of candy.
So next time you’re at Hooters, don’t think of those horrible tan things as Nylons. Think of them as secret pants. They’re WAY more fun that way.