This is a college town. As such it's pretty normal to encounter kids that will try pretty much anything to get a drink before they're twenty-one. Nearly everyday at jumpstart we are cautioned to check IDs and told about police stings and grilled on the "on or before date." Basically we are frightened into checking IDs. It doesn't scare me, I ID lots of people. After all, Hooters has a policy of IDing anyone thirty-five and under and I don't have any qualms in doing so. Some girls are worried they'll offend people. I'm sorry if I offend you for doing my job. Oh wait, no, no I'm not sorry. Now give me your effing ID.
The other day, one of my fellow Hooters Girls had a table of three men. They were obviously over twenty-one and most likely over thirty so she didn't worry about carding them. I wouldn't have either most likely. So she brought them a pitcher along with their glass and two extra glasses for friends that would be joining them. This was hardly unusual.
However, what happened next was hardly normal as the two aforementioned friends took their place at the table. First off they were young, hardly close in age to the thirty-somethings already at the table. Second, while one seemed totally down to be drinking the big pitcher of dark beer, the other was incredibly hesitant. So hesitant that he conveniently waited until his Hooter Girl had left his immediate vicinity to fill his glass. It was evident to me nearly right away that this boy was just that - a boy. Clearly he was NOT over twenty-one.
Walking up to his Hooters Girl I enquired if she'd checked his ID.
Hooters Girl: "Well I want to, but now he's already drinking and I don't want to make it awkward."
Sauce: "Yeah, but it'll be a lot more awkward if you don't and something happens. I mean you don't want to get in trouble because you were afraid to ID him."
The conversation went back and forth in the same general direction until finally she decided to card him. Going up to the table Hooters Girl carefully asked to see his ID.
Hooters Girl: "I know that you're already enjoying that beer, but I still need to see your ID. Sorry to be a pain!"
Dumbshit: "Oh man, I think I left my ID in the car. I'm total twenty-one though. My birthday is January 30, 1988. See twenty-one."
Hooters Girl: "Um, that would make you twenty-two."
Dumshit: "No, '88. Twenty-one."
Hooters Girl: "Yeah, I just turned twenty-one and I was born in 1989. '88, twenty-two. I'm sorry, but I can't let you drink that without an ID even if you are twenty-two and born in 1988. How about a soda?"
Head hung in shame to hide his embarrassment as well as his blushing face, he asked for a water that Hooters Girl quickly brought. Within minutes everything was forgotten and the table was laughing and enjoying their meal as if it had never happened. Even Dumbshit.
Moral of the story? First off I'm probably going to card you no matter what. Get that idea figured out now. Second, if you're going to try and bullshit me at least have your fucking math right. Yes, we work at Hooters but we do actually know how to add. A strange but true fact. Nice try. Now enjoy your water.
