Day in and day out, there are a few questions that I get asked over and over and over again at Hooters. Countless times a day I find myself at yet another table answering the same question with the same tired answer; it seems people just aren't very original. I now present you with a collection of Hooters FAQs both I and my fellow Hooters Girls receive. I also present you with the answers to these questions as I answer them. Or more probably how I wish I could answer them if I wasn't at work and didn't have to be nice to people.
1. How tall are you?
I probably get this once a shift. Generally it is paired with the obvious, "wow, you're really tall." For the record I am 5'10.5. Does that half an inch matter? Probably not to you, but that's what they always measure me at during my annual lady appointments. Plus I'm not sure I want to be 5'11. Yes, that half a freaking inch clearly matters.
I probably get this once a shift. Generally it is paired with the obvious, "wow, you're really tall." For the record I am 5'10.5. Does that half an inch matter? Probably not to you, but that's what they always measure me at during my annual lady appointments. Plus I'm not sure I want to be 5'11. Yes, that half a freaking inch clearly matters.
2. Is that your real eye color/are you wearing colored contacts?
No, I do not wear any contacts, colored or otherwise. I guess I was just genetically blessed. Thanks Mom and Dad. I owe you one. My eyes are dark, dark blue. Sometimes they're gray. Sometimes they're cobalt. Sometimes they're a color that I'm not sure has a name. We'll just call it sauce. But whatever color they appear they are most definitely all mine.
No, I do not wear any contacts, colored or otherwise. I guess I was just genetically blessed. Thanks Mom and Dad. I owe you one. My eyes are dark, dark blue. Sometimes they're gray. Sometimes they're cobalt. Sometimes they're a color that I'm not sure has a name. We'll just call it sauce. But whatever color they appear they are most definitely all mine.
3. How do you get your legs so tan?
Yes, some people really think that those are my real, ultra-tan legs - no nylons involved. For those of you who don't know they invented these sweet things called pantyhose in 1959. Yup, I actually looked that up. And at Hooters I actually wear them.
Yes, some people really think that those are my real, ultra-tan legs - no nylons involved. For those of you who don't know they invented these sweet things called pantyhose in 1959. Yup, I actually looked that up. And at Hooters I actually wear them.
4. Are you in school?
This is a questions every girl answers a million times a shift. Most get to say yes. They explain their major and then the conversation is over. I get to say I've graduated and then I get the pleasure of dealing with people wondering what I'm dong at Hooters. Guess what, I like Hooters. And I make more than I did sitting at a desk forty hours a week after I graduated. But for the record I do plan on going back to school, getting a Masters and not being judged as a failure.
This is a questions every girl answers a million times a shift. Most get to say yes. They explain their major and then the conversation is over. I get to say I've graduated and then I get the pleasure of dealing with people wondering what I'm dong at Hooters. Guess what, I like Hooters. And I make more than I did sitting at a desk forty hours a week after I graduated. But for the record I do plan on going back to school, getting a Masters and not being judged as a failure.
5. Is the outfit comfortable?
Surprisingly, the outfit really is comfortable. Now, this didn't used to be the case in the old-style shorts days. Those were awful, dark times. I choose not to relive them. Even now wedgies, twisted nylons and digging underwire happen, but mostly the uniform isn't that bad.
Surprisingly, the outfit really is comfortable. Now, this didn't used to be the case in the old-style shorts days. Those were awful, dark times. I choose not to relive them. Even now wedgies, twisted nylons and digging underwire happen, but mostly the uniform isn't that bad.
6. Does Hooters pay for boob jobs?
A boob job is not a guaranteed benefit of working at Hooters. But if you're a great Hooters Girl who is good as saving money, then yes I suppose Hooters does indeed pay for boob jobs. But it's certainly not like health insurance or a Roth IRA.
7. Are you closing?
Pretty much since we opened people have been spreading rumors that Hooters is closing. I'm not sure why this, but it probably has something to do with the fact that people just love talking about Hooters. Even Dreamy asked me a few weeks ago if I would be losing my job because someone told him we were shutting down after he wore a Hooters shirt. Don't worry, baby, your lady still has a job.
Pretty much since we opened people have been spreading rumors that Hooters is closing. I'm not sure why this, but it probably has something to do with the fact that people just love talking about Hooters. Even Dreamy asked me a few weeks ago if I would be losing my job because someone told him we were shutting down after he wore a Hooters shirt. Don't worry, baby, your lady still has a job.
8. Do you have a boyfriend/fiancé/husband?
Yup, I sure do. And for the record even the single girls here will probably tell you they have one.
9. Is that your real name?
Yes, we use our real names at Hooters and yes my real name really is a freaking weird Dutch name that you've never heard of. Believe it or not some parents are actually creative and skip using names like Sara, Jennifer and Brittney. Oh and why would I pick a "Hooters name" that I needed a nickname to make easier for you? That's too complicated and intelligent for even me.
Yes, we use our real names at Hooters and yes my real name really is a freaking weird Dutch name that you've never heard of. Believe it or not some parents are actually creative and skip using names like Sara, Jennifer and Brittney. Oh and why would I pick a "Hooters name" that I needed a nickname to make easier for you? That's too complicated and intelligent for even me.
10. What do your parents think of you working at Hooters?
Well, what do your parents think of you coming into Hooters? Get over it, Hooters isn't that bad. Actually it's not bad at all. And guess what my parents like it. Or maybe they just don't mind. My Mom correctly asserted that I wear more than most high school students and a lot more than I wore running college track and my Dad is a fan of anything that involves big beer and raw oysters. He's Dutch. Nothing surprises him.
Well, what do your parents think of you coming into Hooters? Get over it, Hooters isn't that bad. Actually it's not bad at all. And guess what my parents like it. Or maybe they just don't mind. My Mom correctly asserted that I wear more than most high school students and a lot more than I wore running college track and my Dad is a fan of anything that involves big beer and raw oysters. He's Dutch. Nothing surprises him.
11. Where are you on this menu?
I haven't heard that ever before. Barf. Contrary to popular belief, Hooters Girl is not available on the menu. But me throwing up in your lap is if you ask me that again.
I haven't heard that ever before. Barf. Contrary to popular belief, Hooters Girl is not available on the menu. But me throwing up in your lap is if you ask me that again.
12. How old are you?
Too young for you, dude. Which is 25.
Too young for you, dude. Which is 25.
13. What's good here?
I probably hate this more than any question in the world. I don't know what you like. Maybe I like chicken and you hate chicken. Maybe I suggest spicy and spice makes you cry. At least give me a freaking direction before asking this. It's all good to different people. Let me answer your question with another question. What's good to you?
I probably hate this more than any question in the world. I don't know what you like. Maybe I like chicken and you hate chicken. Maybe I suggest spicy and spice makes you cry. At least give me a freaking direction before asking this. It's all good to different people. Let me answer your question with another question. What's good to you?
I'm sure there are many, many more. And I'm sure they're just as awful. Hopefully these can now be off the table. But probably not, that'd make my job too easy.
And please remember to vote for my costume in the Hooters Halloween Costume Contest once a day on Facebook! You could help me win one for the no-fake-boobs, no-professional-photographers, no-store-bought-costumes team. And you could win free wings for yourself. For a year. That's a lot of good eating.
