13 October 2010

Hooters FAQs

Day in and day out, there are a few questions that I get asked over and over and over again at Hooters.  Countless times a day I find myself at yet another table answering the same question with the same tired answer; it seems people just aren't very original.  I now present you with a collection of Hooters FAQs both I and my fellow Hooters Girls receive.  I also present you with the answers to these questions as I answer them.  Or more probably how I wish I could answer them if I wasn't at work and didn't have to be nice to people.

1.  How tall are you?
I probably get this once a shift.  Generally it is paired with the obvious, "wow, you're really tall."  For the record I am 5'10.5.  Does that half an inch matter?  Probably not to you, but that's what they always measure me at during my annual lady appointments.  Plus I'm not sure I want to be 5'11.  Yes, that half a freaking inch clearly matters.

2.  Is that your real eye color/are you wearing colored contacts?
No, I do not wear any contacts, colored or otherwise.  I guess I was just genetically blessed.  Thanks Mom and Dad.  I owe you one.  My eyes are dark, dark blue.  Sometimes they're gray.  Sometimes they're cobalt.  Sometimes they're a color that I'm not sure has a name.  We'll just call it sauce.  But whatever color they appear they are most definitely all mine.

3.  How do you get your legs so tan?
Yes, some people really think that those are my real, ultra-tan legs - no nylons involved.  For those of you who don't know they invented these sweet things called pantyhose in 1959.  Yup, I actually looked that up.  And at Hooters I actually wear them.

4.  Are you in school?
This is a questions every girl answers a million times a shift.  Most get to say yes.  They explain their major and then the conversation is over.  I get to say I've graduated and then I get the pleasure of dealing with people wondering what I'm dong at Hooters.  Guess what, I like Hooters.  And I make more than I did sitting at a desk forty hours a week after I graduated.  But for the record I do plan on going back to school, getting a Masters and not being judged as a failure.

5.  Is the outfit comfortable?
Surprisingly, the outfit really is comfortable.  Now, this didn't used to be the case in the old-style shorts days.  Those were awful, dark times.  I choose not to relive them.  Even now wedgies, twisted nylons and digging underwire happen, but mostly the uniform isn't that bad.

6.  Does Hooters pay for boob jobs?
A boob job is not a guaranteed benefit of working at Hooters.  But if you're a great Hooters Girl who is good as saving money, then yes I suppose Hooters does indeed pay for boob jobs.  But it's certainly not like health insurance or a Roth IRA.

7.  Are you closing?
Pretty much since we opened people have been spreading rumors that Hooters is closing.  I'm not sure why this, but it probably has something to do with the fact that people just love talking about Hooters.  Even Dreamy asked me a few weeks ago if I would be losing my job because someone told him we were shutting down after he wore a Hooters shirt.  Don't worry, baby, your lady still has a job.

8.  Do you have a boyfriend/fianc√©/husband?
Yup, I sure do.  And for the record even the single girls here will probably tell you they have one.

9.  Is that your real name?
Yes, we use our real names at Hooters and yes my real name really is a freaking weird Dutch name that you've never heard of.  Believe it or not some parents are actually creative and skip using names like Sara, Jennifer and Brittney.  Oh and why would I pick a "Hooters name" that I needed a nickname to make easier for you?  That's too complicated and intelligent for even me.

10.  What do your parents think of you working at Hooters?
Well, what do your parents think of you coming into Hooters?  Get over it, Hooters isn't that bad.  Actually it's not bad at all.  And guess what my parents like it.  Or maybe they just don't mind.  My Mom correctly asserted that I wear more than most high school students and a lot more than I wore running college track and my Dad is a fan of anything that involves big beer and raw oysters.  He's Dutch.  Nothing surprises him.

11.  Where are you on this menu?
I haven't heard that ever before.  Barf.  Contrary to popular belief, Hooters Girl is not available on the menu.  But me throwing up in your lap is if you ask me that again.

12.  How old are you?
Too young for you, dude.  Which is 25.

13.  What's good here?
I probably hate this more than any question in the world.  I don't know what you like.  Maybe I like chicken and you hate chicken.  Maybe I suggest spicy and spice makes you cry.  At least give me a freaking direction before asking this.  It's all good to different people.  Let me answer your question with another question.  What's good to you?

I'm sure there are many, many more.  And I'm sure they're just as awful.  Hopefully these can now be off the table.  But probably not, that'd make my job too easy.

And please remember to vote for my costume in the Hooters Halloween Costume Contest once a day on Facebook!  You could help me win one for the no-fake-boobs, no-professional-photographers, no-store-bought-costumes team.  And you could win free wings for yourself.  For a year.  That's a lot of good eating.


  1. Something I've done at restaurants where I know the server--when I order coffee and she asks, "Regular?" I say, "When I get my coffee." Oh, they just LOVE it when I do that! Heh. Really, though, I used to have a roommate who was (briefly) a Hooters girl and she had some doozies. But she was also an exotic dancer so, to her, it was just business as usual.

  2. People are STILL asking if HOOT-MT is closing? Look if a supposedly rumored close hasn't happened in 2+ years, it probably wont. I totally understand the "school" thing. After telling a guy I already graduated he replied "Oh, so why are you just waitressing?" Just a waitress? uhhhhh Why are you just a railroad worker/truck driver/allied waste guy? The age thing bugged me too- would you ask your waitress at Applebees that? Um no. Miss you and totally voted for you!

  3. Dang, i voted for you but I can't win the prize! Lousy Australia :) Oh well, you look super cool as Buzz, so i hope you win - even if i don't get to stuff my face with free wings for a year!

  4. I appreciate all of these except number 9 - that is just, really? rude. Bravo for you having a unique name, so do I, but my daughters are named for family members - and although not "original" in your sense - I am sure yours is quite popular in your parents' home country.

    No reason to be snarky about it. I am sorry that people inquire about the uniqueness of your name, but it is a fine cross to have to bear when we aren't all named Brittany.

  5. Why wouldn't you expect people to ask you "What's good here"? At nice restaurants, servers usually tell their patrons what's best there anyways. It has to do with that night's chef's specialty, how fresh the seafood or veggies are.

    I've never been to a Hooters, so I can't comment on the food quality. But not everything on any restaurant's menu is equal in quality, especially at midrange chain restaurants. One place could have fantastic hot wings, another place could have terrible hot wings but great burgers.

    "What's good here?" is also a politer way of asking, "Will the cook mess up the burger?" or "How fresh are the oysters? (as it's Hooters, u know it's not freshly caught so it's always good to know when it came in).

    The places I dine at (a Western Canadian chain known for great service), I don't usually even have to ask because the server will tell me what the specials are and what's good. Food isn't completely subjective, good servers have accurate taste palettes.

  6. I certainly wasn't meaning to sound rude about having a different name. I just don't like that people ask if it's made up. That seems silly to me. I love my name and most graciously explain it's meaning when asked. I guess to me I find it silly to assume a different name can't be my real name. As far this post is concerned, I was just making light of the question. I obviously don't answer that way at work.

    And as far as food quality. For the most part we get things in so often that there is no question of something being more or less fresh. But I am sure to point people to my favorite wing sauces and menu favorites. This is part of my job. I just don't like how broad of a question it is with a very widely varying menu that spans everything from steak to oysters to fried pickles to wings to philly cheesesteaks. Give me some indication of your taste and I'll give a great suggestion that isn't simply a stab in the dark.

  7. Sauce, I just voted for you, yes you're beautiful and awesome but seeing your face was kind of like taking the mask off of Batman, the mystery is gone.

  8. I know, I struggled with the decision of whether or not to post the contest for a VERY long time. After much deliberation and much discussion with friends and family - yes it really was that hard for me - I decided to post the picture for a limited time.

    This was for several reasons, first I am SO proud of that costume. Unlike most of the costumes in the contest mine is handmade and I spent well over 20 hours putting it together. It involved painting, wiring, sewing and an awful lot of ingenuity. Also, I wanted to put in a strong showing for the Hooters Girl that's a little different. And of course I don't mind the extra votes. Mostly though, it's about my costume and had I put up the picture even without the link people would have found it.

    But rest assured that as soon as the contest is over the picture and post will come down. The reminders will be taken off the bottoms of my entries. All evidence that I ever revealed myself will be gone and new readers and even some of the current ones will once again have no clue what I look like. Hell even you will probably forget.

    Guess even Batman has to peak out from the mask sometimes.

  9. <same guy as yesterday - too lazy to add a google account-sorry)

    That costume is hand-made? Wow, I figured you paid a lot for it at a theatrical outlet (rather than Party USA) Great Job!!!
    I doubt I will forget what you look like, but I am purposely NOT going back to that site (unless I can vote for you more than once in which case I'll go back every day if you like) just so your anonymity may be returned to you (from my perspective). And I'll be making a trip to my local Hooter's to buy a magazine when your byline appears there. I trust you'll let us know, Thanks

  10. I would have voted for you, but I just don't allow Facebook (and Hooters) to mine my personal info. It's nothing personal at all. I've even stopped "liking" pages that I would normally like because there's just too much intrusion. I could make myself a lot more "cool" if I liked the pages that I actually like - nothing makes you cooler than liking a page that extolls the virtues of Mo Tucker, the drummer of the Velvet Underground. So, there I stay, uncool until the end.

    But I would have voted for you fer sure. We blogging waiters have to stick together.

    "So You Want To Be A Waiter" blog



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