21 November 2010

What Happens in the Bathroom Doesn't Always Stay There

Last night was one of those infamous sorts of evenings that can only be provided for by a UFC fight.  The type of evening that brings out all the drunks and douches and high school students.  Of course last night was made even more interesting at work by the fact that our local college football team - the Montana Grizzlies - lost to their most hated rivals, Montana State.  For those of you not up on your FCS football, the Griz are pretty much notoriously awesome.  Rather than continue being the number one team in the nation though, the Griz decided to throw everyone for a loop and totally suck a big one this year.  It's been a real treat.  Anyway, the Griz loss to the Montana State Bobcats brought in tons of MSU fans that decided to be most epic douches.  So we had UFC douches and MSU douches.  The douche level was dangerously high.

Amidst all this doucheittude, a 20-something couple at table 91 decided, after what I can only imagine to be copious amounts of alcohol, to celebrate their love.  How does one celebrate their love at Hooters you may ask?  Naturally, they passionately make love in the ladies' room.  Yes, you did indeed read that correctly.  That really happened at Hooters last night.  But lets start at the beginning shall we?

With all this talk of the night shift, I actually worked during the day yesterday.  It was busy and crowded and after getting out of there, naturally the first thing I wanted to do was go home, change and come back just so I could spend my evening at Hooters.  There I was, after a long day of work hanging out there.  It wasn't my ideal evening, but Dreamy and his roommate decided to be UFC nerds.  So there I was at the bar, glad for the double, spicy bloody mary's Ariel kept handing me.  I was also glad, that Dreamy's roommate had brought along a lady (not girlfriend) to keep my company amidst the testosterone.  It was shaping up to be a lovely night.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, my lady friend told me she had seen a man enter the restroom while she was washing her hands.  She, as well as I, assumed that he was slightly to entirely intoxicated and had entered the bathroom by mistake.  Quickly though she related, that she knew it wasn't a mistake when he started loudly whispering, "Michelle."  Michelle answered with a pounced, "shhhh!"  It still all seemed rather harmless.  This was until a bit minutes later when Twin Tower walked over with a look on her face that screamed of juicy Hooters gossip.

Twin Tower:  "So did you hear what happened over at my table?"

Sauce:  "Um, I guess not."

Twin Tower:  "Manager just caught two people getting it on in the ladies' room."

Quickly the story unfolded.  It seems the casino attendant went into the bathroom after hearing some rather strange noises - which I can only imagine means primal, animalistic moaning - quietly entered the bathroom.  After doing some careful spy work that consisted of peering under the stall doors, she saw two pairs of legs in the second stall.  With their pants down.  It was evident immediately what was going on and it certainly wasn't number one or number two.  Manager was quickly notified.

Manager then proceeded to enter the bathroom on a mission and pound on the stall door with authority and ask them to leave the bathroom.  Given the state of undress within the stall, the couple couldn't come out right away and rather took their time leaving.  This is about the time that Manager threatened to call the police.  This sped up the process exponentially.

After leaving the bathroom the couple didn't leave, as most would ashamedly do, but rather decided to rack up a sweet little $150 tab with two friends over at table 91.  Of course they paid ever so gernously for their rendezvous by leaving Twin Tower a sweet ten-dollar tip - if you're doing the math that's a cool seven percent.  Apparently, their burning love is worth a whole lot to them.

Note to all men out there:  As a woman, I will let you know that doing me in the bathroom at Hooters isn't exactly the quickest way to a lady's heart.  I mean you could at least shell out $100 for a room at the Come On Inn.  They have Jacuzzis and shit there.  Yup, I'm going to go ahead and add Hooters' bathrooms to the list of place I don't ever want to have sex.  Even if I am wasted beyond belief.


  1. Well, it could have been worse. Be glad the man did not "penetrate" one of the hooters girls. I've known some hooters girls who got fired for that. Even for Oral "penetration".

  2. Loved it except the MSU comments... Go Cats :)



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