Stop Trying to Make Owling Happen

Over on Facebook, my buddy Mitchell Melton brought up the topic of owling.

Wait, Owling is a real thing? Is that when you motorboat a Hooters waitress?" A friend of mine posted this, and was completely serious.

  
If I have you confused already allow me to show you what the hell I'm talking about.  This is owling courtesy of the one and only Hilary Duff, star of the once popular tween sitcom, Lizzie McGuire:

Nice form, Ms. Duff.  CREDIT.

Yup, that's owling.  Basically it's involves crouching and taking a photo which you quickly post to the Internet so your 1,024 Facebook "friends" think you're super wicked cool.  This is meant to make you look like an owl or - in my opinion - a person trying to take a dump in the woods for the first time.  Impressive, I hardly think so.  Unless you owl like this guy, in which case you are somewhat impressive:

I am giving extra points for the cosplay hair.  CREDIT.

Delving deeper into the history of owling, it is pretty apparent that it is a response to "planking."  Here I am using response to actually mean "totally copying."  If you are entirely uniformed, planking is basically laying stomach down, flat as a board, photographing it and also posting it Facebook for all those friends who care so much about your exploits.  It was really cool for awhile.

A fad is pretty much dead by the time it ends up on the TODAY show.  CREDIT.

So when we get down to, owling is really just trying to be the next planking.  And if there is one thing I know it's that trying to be the next big thing makes it nearly impossible to actually be the next thing.  Trying is so effing lame.

Mean Girls pretty much sums up exactly how I feel about owling:

So please stop trying to make owling happen, it's not going to happen.  Besides, the leisure dive is way cooler.  And by cooler I actually mean "get over it and take a nice photo that mom can put above the damn fireplace."