Be Patient, Get Served

Believe it or not, you are not the only person I’m serving when you choose to sit at my bar.  In fact, you are often one of at least a handful of people I’m helping while also making drinks for all the girls on the floor; it’s a job characterized by multitasking.  For most people this is obvious, but nearly every day I work I’ll have at least one person who doesn’t get it.  One oblivious asshat always thinks everything should be about them.

For serious, dude.  CREDIT.

Now when I say oblivious, I mean a person will take a seat and be so effing blind that they’ll just start talking no matter how busy I am or who else I am currently serving.  To them it is as if they sat at an empty bar and I’m just eagerly anticipating their request with every fiber of my being.  They’re the asshole who waves their arms or snaps or most often just starts ordering shit because they are thirsty dammit and when the king is thirsty the king gets served.  Generally this will occur after I shoot them a friendly welcome and an “I’ll be right with you.”  For the record that doesn’t mean I’ll be with you immediately and you can just start asking for shit at your leisure.  It’s means I’m doing work-type things and I’ll get to you in a second.

Believe it or not it’s rude to interrupt me while I’m in the middle of taking an order while I’m simultaneously throwing together a mojito (which only get ordered when we’re busy and which every bartender on the earth despises).  If I were just making the drink I’d gladly help you, but see that person?  The one who was patient and friendly and is consequently hungry?  It’s their turn.  It is not your turn.  Actually your turn just got pushed back even further because you’re a giant, inconsiderate douche.

What you should do is be patient.  When I say “I’ll be right over” you should return the statement with a friendly “thank you” or – even better – “that’s fine, take your time.”  If you do either of those things I’ll finish what I’m doing and get to you quickly.  If you decide to choose another adventure, however, I’m going to draw what I’m doing as long as possible because you’re effing rude.  I know your type, it’s not like you were going to tip me well anyway.  You can wait.

Remember, your bartender is the one in charge of giving you your alcohol.  If you’re going to be demanding and inconsiderate you’re probably not going to get what you wanted half as quickly as if you’d just been a normal, polite human being.  I don’t respond well to snapping, whistling or a screamed “NEED A WHISKY SEVEN OVER HERE” – especially when I’m helping another guest.  Wait your gosh darned turn like everyone else so patiently did.  I promise your need for alcohol can wait at least 36 seconds.  If it can’t, you probably shouldn’t be sitting at my bar anyway.  Just sayin’.

Oh you’d like a mojito?  I’ll be right with you.