09 January 2012

Be Patient, Get Served

Believe it or not, you are not the only person I’m serving when you choose to sit at my bar.  In fact, you are often one of at least a handful of people I’m helping while also making drinks for all the girls on the floor; it’s a job characterized by multitasking.  For most people this is obvious, but nearly every day I work I’ll have at least one person who doesn’t get it.  One oblivious asshat always thinks everything should be about them.

For serious, dude.  CREDIT.
Now when I say oblivious, I mean a person will take a seat and be so effing blind that they’ll just start talking no matter how busy I am or who else I am currently serving.  To them it is as if they sat at an empty bar and I’m just eagerly anticipating their request with every fiber of my being.  They’re the asshole who waves their arms or snaps or most often just starts ordering shit because they are thirsty dammit and when the king is thirsty the king gets served.  Generally this will occur after I shoot them a friendly welcome and an “I’ll be right with you.”  For the record that doesn’t mean I’ll be with you immediately and you can just start asking for shit at your leisure.  It’s means I’m doing work-type things and I’ll get to you in a second.

Believe it or not it’s rude to interrupt me while I’m in the middle of taking an order while I’m simultaneously throwing together a mojito (which only get ordered when we’re busy and which every bartender on the earth despises).  If I were just making the drink I’d gladly help you, but see that person?  The one who was patient and friendly and is consequently hungry?  It’s their turn.  It is not your turn.  Actually your turn just got pushed back even further because you’re a giant, inconsiderate douche.

What you should do is be patient.  When I say “I’ll be right over” you should return the statement with a friendly “thank you” or – even better – “that’s fine, take your time.”  If you do either of those things I’ll finish what I’m doing and get to you quickly.  If you decide to choose another adventure, however, I’m going to draw what I’m doing as long as possible because you’re effing rude.  I know your type, it’s not like you were going to tip me well anyway.  You can wait.

Remember, your bartender is the one in charge of giving you your alcohol.  If you’re going to be demanding and inconsiderate you’re probably not going to get what you wanted half as quickly as if you’d just been a normal, polite human being.  I don’t respond well to snapping, whistling or a screamed “NEED A WHISKY SEVEN OVER HERE” – especially when I’m helping another guest.  Wait your gosh darned turn like everyone else so patiently did.  I promise your need for alcohol can wait at least 36 seconds.  If it can’t, you probably shouldn’t be sitting at my bar anyway.  Just sayin’.

Oh you’d like a mojito?  I’ll be right with you.


  1. I used to hang out in this tiny bar that, one night, booked this Scottish folksinger. This guy is like the Grateful Dead of Scottish folksingers--there's a big group of people who follow him all over the country and go to whatever venue he's playing. Needless to say, the night he was there this tiny bar was packed--there were probably seventy people there, when a normal busy night is twenty or thirty. The number of people demanding drinks from the bartender NOW was astonishing to me--he was already overwhelmned. Sheesh. Talk about tunnel vision. Anyways, I feel your pain, Sauce. If someone can't wait a couple of minutes for their screwdriver or their mojito then they have bigger problems than thirst.

  2. These douchebags KIIIILL me every time. I say be right with you, IE:leave me the hell alone for a second I'm busy, and they come back with, "No problem...I just need a vodka cran, 2 jameson's neat and 3 lemon drops."

    Uh, no...keep waitin. ALSO should NOT have told me you want a bunch of lemon drops...I hate those almost as much as mojitos. Back of the line.

  3. To me, a bartender is like a wife, keep her happy and she'll keep you happy.

    I have never had a mojito. And now, I shall never order one. I like to keep my bartender happy.

  4. People fucking suck.

    I can't come up with anything insightful and revealing about human nature and the motivating force that causes people to be such assholes right now, I'm feeling brain-dead.

    So people fucking suck. Not you though, you're lovely, as always.

  5. Wow, that sounds like my effing father in law whenever we go out to eat. He just can't wait his turn and starts bitching when he isn't served hand and foot. He served in the Air Force and he's retired and his shit don't stink. I've been close to walking out and just saying to hell with you. and he doesn't drink so you may never find him at your bar. I've worked in the food service industry for so long that I understand you perfectly. And going out with him just wants me beat the eff out of him when he does this shit.

  6. All this makes me wonder whatever happened to, "patience is a virture". I hope that patience and common sense will come back very soon.

    Yours In Health!

    G.E. Moon II

  7. sauce,
    i absolutely love your blog i found about your blog a couple of days ago. i love it:) i am reading all the entries from 2009- present its amazing lol:) i am glad to see you are still at hooters. by reading your blog i have a better understanding of how it is to be a hooters girl. i just applied and i really hope that i get the second interview super nervous but also confident. i just wanted to say that you are one of my biggest inspirations. we are both tall(i am 5'10 btw) you are super smart, and you are beautiful. thanks for the witty humor i really love your blog

  8. What a great blog post, bar etiquette is very important.



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