27 August 2009

The Curse

There is an epidemic at Hooters of Missoula. Don't worry, it's not the swine flu; thus far that illness has been floating around the college bars downtown (seriously) and avoided us entirely. No, something much worse than vomiting and diarrhea has taken hold of our beloved Hooters, infecting our girls without concern or discretion - no girl is safe from this condition. Our girls have ugly boyfriends.

Since our Hooters opened just over a year ago it has been increasingly apparent that ugly men have weaseled their way into the hearts of many unsuspecting Hooters Girls. Now it's not simply one or two girls, but nearly all the girls have dated guys that could never be described as handsome. Please refrain from finding me shallow because often an

ugly personality has accompanied these less than attractive exteriors. Hooters Girls of Missoula, Montana somehow find themselves with less than attractive douche bags and lets face it, if you're going to date a douche bag he should at least be hot enough to take out in public. It's the classic "why in the eff is she dating that piece of shit" situation.

How these men get into their advantageous positions with Hooters Girls is a mystery that remains unsolved. It is also a mystery as to why this infection claims the lives of so many unassuming young women. Case in point, within month of pulling on the orange shorts for the first time I found myself in the midst of relationship with a classic tool bag who lacked the looks to support his overly inflated ego. How it exactly happened is entirely beyond me, but suddenly I found myself at the beck and call of a man I would usually fervently avoid. The disease that had infected so many Hooters Girls had claimed me as well. Luckily, a level head and a firm sense of self worth where the perfect prescription for uglydouchebagitis.

While I have recovered from this unfortunate ailment many other girls have not been so lucky. Some move from one bad relationship to the next. Others just stick with same a-hole they've been with since day one. Those of us have gotten out can only look on in horror as the ugly takes hold.

"Looks like we've lost another to the curse of the unattractive," remarked Ariel one afternoon as a newer girl gushed about her new boyfriend sitting at the bar.

Yes, souls are still being lost to this dreaded curse and the cause is still unknown. I have fallen pray, Ariel has fallen pray and countless other girls continue to fall pray. I can only hope this epidemic passes. Our causality percentage is already too damn high.


  1. I once knew of a case just like this, only it was worse, because besides the fact that she was hot and he wasn’t, she was also smart and accomplished, while he was doing nothing and going nowhere. I’m sure that she was subsidizing his whole existence. I eventually found out how it happened: they had been together since high school, when she was a not-so-hot, typically awkward teenager, whereas he didn’t look so bad back then. I don’t know what his personality was like at the time. I figured it couldn’t last forever, because given how their lives were going, they would eventually have no friends in common at all, and then surely the girl would realize that something was wrong. But last I heard, they’re still together, so that doesn’t seem to be the solution to the hot chick with douchebag disease.

  2. Well if you don't want to be found shallow, then don't focus so much on people's appearance. "What a shame, my friend is dating an ugly guy. Oh by the way he has a bad personality too."

  3. As mentioned within my post, the ugliness of the guys I was referring to was both external and internal. I've date more than one conventionally unattractive guy with a beautiful soul. But even with that being said, I don't think you could disagree that regardless of personality looks are the first thing people notice. That's just human nature.

    Oh well, this is just a post on a blog. Anonymity is fun!



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