What Happens in the Bathroom Doesn't Always Stay There

Last night was one of those infamous sorts of evenings that can only be provided for by a UFC fight.  The type of evening that brings out all the drunks and douches and high school students.  Of course last night was made even more interesting at work by the fact that our local college football team - the Montana Grizzlies - lost to their most hated rivals, Montana State.  For those of you not up on your FCS football, the Griz are pretty much notoriously awesome.  Rather than continue being the number one team in the nation though, the Griz decided to throw everyone for a loop and totally suck a big one this year.  It's been a real treat.  Anyway, the Griz loss to the Montana State Bobcats brought in tons of MSU fans that decided to be most epic douches.  So we had UFC douches and MSU douches.  The douche level was dangerously high.

Amidst all this doucheittude, a 20-something couple at table 91 decided, after what I can only imagine to be copious amounts of alcohol, to celebrate their love.  How does one celebrate their love at Hooters you may ask?  Naturally, they passionately make love in the ladies' room.  Yes, you did indeed read that correctly.  That really happened at Hooters last night.  But lets start at the beginning shall we?

With all this talk of the night shift, I actually worked during the day yesterday.  It was busy and crowded and after getting out of there, naturally the first thing I wanted to do was go home, change and come back just so I could spend my evening at Hooters.  There I was, after a long day of work hanging out there.  It wasn't my ideal evening, but Dreamy and his roommate decided to be UFC nerds.  So there I was at the bar, glad for the double, spicy bloody mary's Ariel kept handing me.  I was also glad, that Dreamy's roommate had brought along a lady (not girlfriend) to keep my company amidst the testosterone.  It was shaping up to be a lovely night.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, my lady friend told me she had seen a man enter the restroom while she was washing her hands.  She, as well as I, assumed that he was slightly to entirely intoxicated and had entered the bathroom by mistake.  Quickly though she related, that she knew it wasn't a mistake when he started loudly whispering, "Michelle."  Michelle answered with a pounced, "shhhh!"  It still all seemed rather harmless.  This was until a bit minutes later when Twin Tower walked over with a look on her face that screamed of juicy Hooters gossip.

Twin Tower:  "So did you hear what happened over at my table?"

Sauce:  "Um, I guess not."

Twin Tower:  "Manager just caught two people getting it on in the ladies' room."

Quickly the story unfolded.  It seems the casino attendant went into the bathroom after hearing some rather strange noises - which I can only imagine means primal, animalistic moaning - quietly entered the bathroom.  After doing some careful spy work that consisted of peering under the stall doors, she saw two pairs of legs in the second stall.  With their pants down.  It was evident immediately what was going on and it certainly wasn't number one or number two.  Manager was quickly notified.

Manager then proceeded to enter the bathroom on a mission and pound on the stall door with authority and ask them to leave the bathroom.  Given the state of undress within the stall, the couple couldn't come out right away and rather took their time leaving.  This is about the time that Manager threatened to call the police.  This sped up the process exponentially.

After leaving the bathroom the couple didn't leave, as most would ashamedly do, but rather decided to rack up a sweet little $150 tab with two friends over at table 91.  Of course they paid ever so gernously for their rendezvous by leaving Twin Tower a sweet ten-dollar tip - if you're doing the math that's a cool seven percent.  Apparently, their burning love is worth a whole lot to them.

Note to all men out there:  As a woman, I will let you know that doing me in the bathroom at Hooters isn't exactly the quickest way to a lady's heart.  I mean you could at least shell out $100 for a room at the Come On Inn.  They have Jacuzzis and shit there.  Yup, I'm going to go ahead and add Hooters' bathrooms to the list of place I don't ever want to have sex.  Even if I am wasted beyond belief.

The Many Temperature Extremes of a Hooters Uniform

Sorry.  I suck.  I was all out of it and writers' blocky and then at my parents house with no internet.  Blah, blah, blah, excuses, blah, blah, like assholes, blah, blahditty, blah, blah.  Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

It's suddenly that time of year when I'm asked about 938.67 times a day how cold I am.  The question presents itself in many different forms:

•       "You've got to be cold right now."
•       "Isn't it cold in that uniform?"
•       "Don't they let you wear more in the winter?"
•       "How are you not freezing right now?"
•      "I bet you're freezing your ass off."

I'm sure you get the idea.  If you don't, well feel free to stop reading right about now.  Anyhooters, the simple answer to all the above questions and statements is no, I am in fact not cold.  Believe it or not while the outfit appears rather small - and it is - it's actually pretty freaking warm.  This is because Lycra, spandex and nylon are quite possibly the least breathable fabrics in the history of the world.  Second to armor of course which I imagine wasn't breathable at all.  All this limited breathability means that regardless of how small my uniform may seem I'm actually staying pretty warm.  Yes, that little uniform does not have me freezing my ass of.

What the uniform does afford however are some temperature extremes.  Simply, my legs are often hot while my arms are cold.  This is because my dreaded nylons keep my legs very warm while keeping them awkwardly tan looking.  Thanks for that.  So my legs are burning (exaggerating) and my poor bare arms are in danger of being lost to frostbite (double exaggerating).  There is no remedy for this.  It's a Hooters way of life.  Unless of course you're a Hooters that breaks conventional uniform standards and wears long-sleeved shirts in the winter.  Yes, some Hooters actually do that.  I'm going to go ahead and tell you now that you look like complete and total shit.  You're welcome.  You're even more welcome for the picture below in all it's shitty glory - it's unfortunately the best example I could steal off the Hooters Facebook page.  By the way, ladies, I apologize that you're still wearing the shorts from Hell.

I'll go ahead and just state the obvious now; the long sleeve shirt totally defeats one of the purposes of Hooters.  Do I really need to be more obvious?  Fine, the long sleeve shirts allow for no cleavage - unless your boobs miraculously start at your neck which would be freaky weird.  Even I find the lack of boobage disappointing.  Also, I think it makes chubbiness out of skinniness, which is really not an attractive look on anyone.  Not to mention the inherent oxymoron of wearing shorts and long sleeves, but that is probably another thing entirely.  Dear Hooters Girls, man up and avoid the long sleeve crap at all costs.  Trust me on this one.

I'm happy being half hot and half cold.  Besides, after two years you get used to that shit. 

The Comfort of the Hooters Pouch

The pouch is a quintessential piece of the Hooters Girl uniform.  It's that sort of awkward hanging apron that we're all forced to wear.  Nothing about it is attractive because it's the one piece of the uniform that's actually utilitarian.  Out of the whole uniform it's the only thing that actually serves a purpose besides showing off my body.  Of course being that's it's also the one thing that gets in front of showing off said body Hooters has kindly made it as small as possible.  You're welcome. 

I get the joy of shoving everything I need into the one little pouch - also lovingly known as the "Hooters penis" - slung around my waist.  This is not always easy.  Especially when it's a really busy and I'm trying to keep hundreds of dollars straight in the damn thing.  You see, I have to keep all the money I collect during a shift and then I pay Hooters (my sales minus my credit card tips) at the end of the day.  Usually servers have a nice little book to keep everything all organized.  Now I understand that even with a book all the cash can get a little crowded, but without it it's can be truly awful.  Of course that's the situation I'm in because a waiting book and a Hooters pouch don't really get along.  Hooters so kindly decided to design these little pouches so they are just ever so slightly larger than a typical serving book.  Yes, I could shove one in there, but then it's annoying as hell to get in and out and even more annoying as thing slaps against you over and over and over again as you run around the restaurant.

So what's a girl to do with this puzzle of organization?  I fold up a take-out menu and put all my money and credit card receipts in it.  It's a really simple solution to a really annoying problem.  It might not be the best solution, but it's the better than the alternative - shoving all the cash and receipts into the thing.  Yes, some girls just throw all that money into their pouch.  These are generally the same girls that complain about their tips being off at the end of the night.  I wonder if there is a pattern here?

Anyway, all this ranting serves to prove how much I despise the pouch.  Or rather how much I THOUGH I despised the pouch.  Last week I began training as a bartender.  Now if you've been with for me for a while, you'll know that I was supposed to be bar trained LAST June.  And I'm just getting trained now.  But whatever, the lack of followthrough in this situation isn't the point of today's post.  The point is that as a bartender I don't have to wear a pouch.  This is because bartenders actually get their very own till.  Feel free to comment on how awesome that makes me.

While having a till makes me feel more important, not having a pouch makes me feel a lot more naked naked.  After wearing the pouch for over two years I now realize how much coverage that annoying little thing actually offers.  As bothersome as it is, the pouch is just perfect for covering the...er...camel toe.  Suddenly, being without it, I realize just how important the pouch actually is.  I feel as if I've just turned ten and my mom decided I was too old for my favorite blankie.  Yes, the pouch is my safety blanket and I'm not afraid to admit it.

I'm hoping that the added income of bartending will quickly replace the comfort of the pouch.  I might need a twelve-step program.  

Receipt Art: October 30, 2010

I decided to clean out my pouch today at work.  Waiting pouches and aprons just seem to collect things and everyone once and while it just feels right to get all that shit out of there.  Not only did I find several dollars I didn't know I had - score - but I also found an amazing receipt art that I had totally forgotten about.  I'm going to go ahead and say now that this is the type of receipt art I would only give to specific people; it's specialized and certainly not for everyone.  I'll go ahead and let you figure out why.

Yes, this is exactly the right sort of receipt art for a group of gentleman that order nine Big Daddies, a Bud Light Pint and a double whiskey coke.  Not only are those probably the cutest ghosts I've ever drawn (no offense previous ghosts), but they also are enjoying some delicious libations.  I am especially a fan of the ghost flying while drinking.  I'm not sure on the rules of ghost intoxication, but that might not be allowed.  Sort of like a DUI.  I guess that would be an FUI - Floating/Flying Under the Influence.  Even I'm ashamed how lame that just was.

Sauce is NOT a Winner

After all that annoying nagging I didn't place in the Hooters costume contest.  I was really hoping I could justify all my posting, more posting and extra posting with an exciting announcement proclaiming my awesomeness and increased bank balance.  I don't get to say any of that.  Tragic.

What I will say is that I am not bitter at my loss and I offer a heartfelt congratulations to those who placed.  I can't really say that your costumes were better - there were quite a few awesome costumes.  But I don't think anyone really thought it was actually a costume contest to begin with.  That's another matter entirely however.

Now one of you needs to win those wings for a year so we can proclaim victory for someone involved in my life in some way.  I wish you all luck.

I shall now entertain you with a few photos of my Halloween goodness to make up for my lack of winnerness.

Yes, my dear friends, that is the infamous Dreamy and there we both are in our Halloween finery.  I am pretty sure we are boing to be Buzz and Woody for the next five to ten years.  Guess I'd better stay in shape.

Please note the working pull string I created for Dreamy.  Yes, it actually retracts.  I clearly am insane.  Also note the not so perfect lines on the sleeves.  I let Dreamy do those himself.  This was clearly a poor idea.  I love you, but your costume making skills simply aren't up to par.

I love these effing costumes.

Sauce Gets Interviewed

Recently, I was featured on a really cool website that profiles women and their many jobs.  Meant to empower women as it explores females in the workplace, the website features interviews posted several times a week.  Monday, I was featured and I present the interview below.  Rather than linking to the website - as it includes my name and photo - I'll simple copy and post the interview.  For those of you curious about the actually website, it's called "I Want Her Job."  Feel free to check it out if you're so inclined!

And please forgive the HORRIBLE variations in font.  Blogger is being totally lame and not posting it as I've edited it.  You hear that, Blogger, you're being effing lame.

Sauce is a “World Famous Hooters Girl” and certified corporate trainer Hooters, Inc.. In February of 2009, Sauce started blogging about her life at Hooters on her site, girlandguitar.blogspot.com, which has attracted a significant following. On the site, Sauce aims to change the stigma that the life of a Hooters girl is degrading to women. Instead, she strives to empower women while sharing juicy stories about the things she sees (and experiences) as a waitress at the restaurant. Her blogging even led to an opportunity for her to write for the bi-monthly Hooters Magazine. She is the first Hooters Girl to be asked to write for the publication (sold both in stores and on newsstands nationwide), and her regular contributions will begin to appear with the November/December issue. When she’s not waitressing, training or blogging, Sauce enjoys playing the guitar, reading classics and working on craft projects.

Sauce
Occupation: World Famous Hooters Girl / Certified Corporate Trainer, Hooters
Websites: girlandguitar.blogspot.com
hooters.com
hootersmagazine.com
Education: Bachelor’s Degree, Marketing
The University of Montana

How did you discover your current job?

I joke that I didn’t find my job as a Hooters Girl — it found me. I had recently graduated and was unemployed after a post-graduation trip to Europe. I found myself entertaining two male friends visiting from out of town and Hooters seemed like a natural stop before heading to a Griz [the local college football team] game. I was offered a job over a plate of boneless wings that Saturday and was training by Monday.

I fell into the blogging much the same way — by accident. I decided to start writing the blog more as an exercise in personal expression. Eventually, I began focusing more on my life as a Hooters Girl and noticed a big increase in readership. While it was widely positive, I also realized there were many negative responses to the world of Hooters. I realized the writings of an intelligent, real Hooters Girl could do some small part in breaking the stereotypes related to the job. Suddenly, I was the blogging Hooters Girl.

I was contacted by Aubrey Gray and Jonathan Chaffin of Hooters Magazine in August of this year. Funnily, my initial response was to ask if they were joking. I was quickly reassured that no, they weren’t joking, and I was offered a recurring column in the magazine. My first piece is being released in the November issue.

What has been your path so far to get you where you are today?

Hooters offers a lot of opportunities for you to personalize your job. While being a Hooters Girl is a waitressing position at its core, it is just as reliant on your ability to creatively serve and entertain your guests. My creativity has not only made me thrive as a Hooters Girl, but it’s also the crucial piece to the success of my blog.

I also like to think of myself as the type of person that goes above and beyond whenever possible. Whether you’re a waitress or a marketing executive, hard work and initiative never goes unnoticed. I am extremely dedicated to my work — whatever it may be.

Also, while I am not in a position that requires a degree, I think my marketing coursework has helped me extensively at Hooters, and it definitely helped me on my blog.

Was there any one situation that helped you along your way?

Not so much at work, but my blog was featured as a Blog of Note in June of 2010. This means that it was the featured blog for Blogger. This attributed to a HUGE jump in my readership — sending me from around 100 views a day to nearly 500. In fact, for two straight days my readership was at nearly 10,000. It really put my blog on the map, and the positive response was amazing.

What is your typical day like? Does it ever change?

I work five to six days a week at Hooters. I generally work day shifts that run from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Usually this means that I wake up early to go to the gym. Regardless of my schedule, I find that if I work out before I go to work, it makes my whole day just feel better. Then, of course, I get ready for work. All the “getting ready” Hooters requires is probably the part of my job that I like the least. I have to be looking my best every day, regardless of how I’m feeling. This includes having my hair styled, wearing an appropriate amount of makeup and having an immaculate uniform, which can be a challenge when working with wings. Then it’s off to work, which — minus the random outbursts of hula hooping, singing, dancing and miscellaneous fun — is pretty much just the typical day of any server.

I do, however, take LOTS of notes at work for my blog. I’ll jot down situations, quotes or whatever else sparks an idea. Then when I get home, I try to at least start a post as I find the sooner I write things down, the funnier and more vivid they seem to be.

What is the most rewarding part of your job?

I love that at my job I can make a real connection with my customers. I don’t know of any other serving job where I would be so encouraged to actually sit down with my customers and get to know them. The key to Hooters is the fact that they strive to make every guest feel like a regular, regardless of whether they’ve been in one time or fifty times. They want their waitresses to know peoples’ names and their kids’ names and their dog’s name. It’s really about connection with people, and I think it’s something people really appreciate about Hooters. We offer one-of-a-kind service that stresses individualizing the experience.

I also feel personally rewarded when I see attitudes about Hooters change, whether from my blog or from a visit to the restaurant. Hooters faces a very obvious stereotype that doesn’t accurately reflect what it is. Reading a positive comment on my blog, or having a customer tell me I changed their mind about Hooters, is one of the best parts of my job.

What is the most challenging part?

The most challenging part is easily overcoming the judgment that is so commonly associated with Hooters. It’s a job that — unfortunately — stereotypes. This is not so much because a Hooters Girl is a certain thing or a certain type of woman, but rather because people have the wrong understanding of what a Hooters Girl is. I understand why the stereotype exists, but I dislike that the stereotype is perpetuated on rumors rather than personal experiences.

What is one lesson you’ve learned in your job that sticks with you?

My job has taught me so much about people and how to deal with them. While it’s one thing to deal with someone from behind an office desk, it is totally another to serve them. I think the lessons I’ve learned about customer service are just as valuable as some of the things I learned in my college classes.

What do you feel is the biggest challenge for women today, particularly females in your industry?

In my industry it is definitely challenging to deal with the stereotype that I am not a smart or educated woman. I think women across many industries have to prove themselves in a lot of ways that men don’t necessarily have to. This is especially true at Hooters.

Who are your role models?

In addition to my mother, I look up to a lot of the women who work at the corporate level for Hooters. The vast majority of women in upper-level positions at Hooters began their careers as Hooters Girls. I like knowing that with enough drive there are a lot of lifetime career opportunities with Hooters.

Is there a quote or mantra that you live by?

I’m not sure that I live by a quote or specific mantra, but I always say that I am “blindly optimistic.”  To me this means that I see a positive in pretty much any situation. I think this has not only helped me overcome a lot of hard situations, but but also it has led me to have a fierce drive even when things seem especially difficult.

What advice do you have for girls who want to be in your industry?

As far as being a Hooters Girl, I tell all my trainees that the most beautiful part of a Hooters Girl is not her face, but her personality. It’s a common misconception that being a Hooters Girl is about a look, but the personality is definitely the most import thing for success.

As far as with blogging, it’s important to maintain consistency both in you writing and in your posting. Regularity is the key to growing a following. And being funny doesn’t hurt either.

Is there anything else you would like to add?

It might be important to note that I did indeed have a job for a few months related directly to my major. I sat behind a desk 40 hours a week at the corporate office for a popular Mongolian restaurant here in town. They paid me $10.25 an hour, and I was miserable trying to impress them. It was an impossible task. Eventually, due to budget cuts, they let me go, and I returned to Hooters. I realized then how much I loved my job and how at 20-something it wasn’t that important if I didn’t have the big marketing job I expected myself to have right out of college. I’ll have that one day, but for now I couldn’t be more happy.