Things Overheard

I am one of those nerdy type people that reads pretty much anything she can get her hands on from classics to historical fiction to chick-lit. As an avid reader I have found several things I have in the last few days utterly depressing.

First off, one of my guy friends and I were talking and I was saying how I've spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on books (actually it could be far more than that but I'm scared to even really think about it).

Without flinching he said, "I've only read on book. It was Hatchet and I'm pretty sure that was 4th grade."

First of all when I read Hatchet as a third grader I thought it was awful. Second, of course I figured he was joking, but no he was in no way joking. Logically my first question was how does one get through something like, say school without reading and he promptly admitted to cheating his was through the entire 13 year process of his public education. Does your diploma say, 'General Studies with Emphasis in Cheating' on it because it probably should. I feel bad for his poor underutilized brain.

The other thing I heard this week is actually hilarious while being depressing at the same time. Last night, before my boxing class (please insert word badass here), I made a quick stop at my favorite store, Barnes and Nobel (I think I get a high from the smell of new books...seriously). As I'm casually shopping I come across a young couple in the stacks. While the girl is looking at the books her boyfriend/fiance/husband starts looking at prices (a scary proposition).

In horror he says, "These are so expensive, why don't they have a place where you can just rent books?"

Dear Lord, you did not just say that. Once again he was totally, completely, disappointingly serious. I'm not sure if you've heard but they came out with this amazing invention a few years back called a library and it's pretty legit - I highly recommend it.

I mean I'd tell these people to go read a book and get a clue, but it's pretty apparent they wouldn't read it; more likely they'd just get the Cliff's Notes and still not really get it.

Girl Contemplates the Wonders of Twitter

I have to begin by admitting that I don't really get why Twitter is so exciting. Personally I just don't see the point of summing up my daily activities in blurbs of 140 characters or less (anyone who has read my blog knows I like to talk a lot more than that) that anyone and everyone can read if they want to or not.

And that's the thing, odds are people probably wouldn't read or care about any of the useless crap I'd probably end up tweeting (please excuse me if my twitter slang is incorrect). I can see it now...

Just got a run in my nylons...again

A creeper hit on me...again

I played some sick guitar riffs...again

I'm not famous for being awesome...yet

I guess I'm just really on the fence because while I'm sure it's addictive and wonderful in some really odd way that I can't quite understand, I just don't really see the point. Please feel free to enlighten me. Until I finally jump on the bandwagon I'll just continue to feed my raging Facebook addiction. And for the record I was on the Facebook bandwagon before it was even a wagon and it was more like a few people you didn't even want to be friends with aimlessly wandering around; I'm just cool like that. Not sure if I'm cool enough for Twitter though.

Aspiring to KH's Awesomeness

KH is a fellow blogging Hooters Girl and odds are if you're reading this you got here by reading her blog first.  However, if you stumbled here by accident or by Googling "Hooters 'my nylons" (that shit really happened) I would like to direct you to her amazing blog.  

Unlike me, KH has remained completely anonymous - rather than sorta, kinda anonymous - letting her be incredibly honest, candid, and uncensored.  She is also utterly hilarious speaking on any subject from annoying customers, to her relationship, to a phenomenon called the lady cup. Basically you should read her, not because I say so, just because you should.  You won't be disappointed. 

I also hope to one day be able to come close to her readership so please keep reading.  It'll only be getting better because summer in Montana is almost here and that is a synonym for "crazy shit will be going down" (true story that's, what it means) all of which you can read and lust about here of course!

The Boyfriend Story

So I was realizing I haven't posted in awhile.  Being that I live in Montana as soon as it gets above 50 degrees (heck sometimes even 45 if the sun is out) everyone gets out the shorts and flip flops and stays outside all day appreciating every moment because odds are it will be 20 degrees again and snowing in a week.  I have not wanted to miss out on this springtime right of passage, so I got a pedicure and bust out the wedgie heals leaving the computer all alone inside (hmmm, it's a laptop, maybe it could come with next time).  Anyway, the fact that I've been contemplating short shorts for everyday wear is not the point of my post.  The point is that I have to tell the story of taking back a guy who tried to dump me on (classy) Facebook.

First it must be known that my boyfriend and I are involved in a "distance" relationship; I place quotes around distance because we only live 120 miles away.  Now personally I do not find 120 miles a very long way, especially in a state where driving is measured in hours and it takes me 5 just to get from my front door to my parents.  My boyfriend on the other hand apparently thinks I might as well live in Egypt if I'm going to be any farther than 10 miles from his house.  

So basically to put a very long story short he attempted to dump me because though I'm "an amazing girl" and everything he "wants" and "perfect" and "fun" he just can't date someone he can't "see everyday."  Personally I found this to be crap and the stupidest excuse for a breakup I have probably ever heard (though I'll have to think on that, I've dated some real winners who were probably, sadly worse).  Last time I checked if someone is everything you want and amazing and blah, blah, blah you do whatever you can to make it work (especially if you're contemplating moving to be with that person in the next several months).

Yep, so he dumped me and I cried a lot and didn't eat and my friends did what good friends do and called him a total douche bag and said I could do so much better.  Then in a late night emotional conversation I told him that I was falling in love with him and suddenly it all stopped.

"You're falling in love with me?  That changes things."  

Excuse me, what?!  Perhaps I didn't hear that right, but no, I did hear that right and after a long talk about him moving and being more emotionally available and talking about crap rather than just dumping people we got back together - it had been 4 days.  So now we're dating again but he doesn't have a free pass, oh heck no!  He better walk on egg shells because if you make a girl cry, especially for days at a time (take note here guys) you owe her BIG time.  Consider him on probation - anyone know where I can get one of those ankle bracelets?

Oh and I also heard from his friend that he thought I was dumping him (dumbass) so he was just being proactive.  Conclusion: boys are dumb, why do I like them so much?

Yes, They're Real

Being that I work at Hooters there is always the real vs. fake debate.  Now generally this is applied to breasts as Hooters claim to fame is basically boobs (sorry to those of you who thought it was just the wings).  The other day however the real vs. fake debate went places it probably has never gone.  First allow me to give you a little background so all this will make sense.

As I stated earlier in my blogging history I am a fairly tall girl.  Being that I am tall there are certain truths about my body, the most obvious of which is that I have very long legs (I'm talking 37 inch inseam long here).  Any long legged girl will know that such stems will give you a certain amount of male attention both wanted and unwanted.  Now that we've got that all laid out I'll get back to my story.

So I was going about my business at work as usual when an older gentleman started commenting on my legs - nothing new, happens all the time.  Well as the beer continued to flow and the level of intoxication increased the comments became a little more raunchy - also fine, I'll try and ignore you. Then suddenly it went WAY too far.

As I'm standing at the bar about to pickup my drinks for a table I feel someone grab my legs from behind. Now when I say grab I mean GRAB right about that point where your legs suddenly become your ass.  So I whirl around and it's my leg loving friend...obviously.

"What are you doing?!" was my warranted response. 

I shit you not here he said, "Oh honey I'm sorry but I just had to see where the seams were.  There's no way those are real."

Oh well aren't you cute and original!  And I'm sure you're really sorry for feeling me up in the middle of Hooters.  So yes, they are real and I love them to death but please don't touch them...that's my boyfriend's job (that's right we got back together...long story).

Running for a Cause

This summer I have decided to participate in a half marathon.  Now, I ran track in both high school and college but I was or in no way am a distance runner.  I was a jumper and 400 runner which basically means that most of the time the most I ran during a meet was about ten steps to a high jump bar, 80 feet to a triple or long jump pit, or once around the track (which I will have you know is a lot more painful than you may think when you consider it's an all out sprint).  So long story short I'm no distance runner.

So what would convince a very anti-distance runner (hey I did one season of cross country and hated the whole thing) decide to attempt to run 13.1 miles at one time?  Well besides the fact that it is a great way to maintain a killer bod, I have decided to run for a cause (no, a tight ass is not the cause I am talking about).  I'll be running for Youth Homes, a nonprofit which helps at-risk children in the state of Montana.  Last year the Run 4 Kids team raised over $41,000 for local children and I hope to help surpass that mark by raising at least $1,000 dollars.

I'd love if you'd donate to this amazing cause.  Please visit www.firstgiving.com/sauce to donate whatever you can!  Oh and this also gives my lazy butt more motivation to actually run so please donate!

Getting Dumped Sucks

I was dumped last night, half over FACEBOOK.  Is that what the world has come to?!  Anyway, posts may be sporadic as I cry my eyes out the next few days.  I mean I know he was sort of an ass due to the nature of how he began the breakup process but I still really liked the guy (ok I loved the guy).  Here's to another relationship biting the dust...

Damn Right I'm Smart!

Every Wednesday our restaurant hosts its own trivia extravaganza loving referred to as "Are You Smarter Than a Hooters Girl?".  Now let me just start by saying that in most cases you probably are smarter than a Hooters Girl (disclaimer to those that may work at Hooters:  I realize you may be amazingly smart but judging by my own fellow Hooters Girls I totally meant the previous statement).  In our game you unfortunately don't get to match wits with most of the girls, you get to match wits with me.  That's right, I'm the MC and being that I'm the host of this event I get to write all the questions.

Basically the way it works is that we have three rounds of trivia.  Each round is mutually exclusive and contains ten questions that cover a broad scope of subjects and get increasing harder as the round progresses.  You are given two life lines; you may cheat or copy.  To cheat you ask your Hooters Girl who has no prior knowledge of the questions what the answer is - in my experience she is generally wrong.  If you wish to copy you get to ask me, your lovely host, the difference here is that I know all the questions and answers but that doesn't mean I'll tell you the right answer (I love watching people try to figure out if I'm telling the truth).  If you win a given round you win a $20 Hooters gift certificate.

Now the best part of all this is that I love that I can stump people.  I take pride in coming up with really hard questions or really easy questions that you just can't remember the answers to.  

For example last night I asked, "What does a plant cell have that an animal cell doesn't?"  Answer, cell wall.  Now only one person in the whole restaurant got this right without copying, she was ten and had just learned this in 4th grade science.  I even had a neurosurgeon try and tell me that I was wrong and that all cells have a cell wall so I googled it and showed him.  That's right I stumped a neurosurgeon with a 4th grade science question.

Trivia night has been a huge hit for us and it's made Wednesday one of our busiest nights of the week.  Last night though I really realized why I love to do it.  I had a guy come up to me afterward and say, "I've been to many, many Hooters and this is the best one I've ever been to.  Your trivia is great."  It's just so nice to be appreciated!  So next time you think you're really smart remember that you might not be smarter than this Hooters Girl - even if you're a neurosurgeon.