Why Yes, I Am Skinnier Now

It's not like this for serious. CREDIT.

In becoming more fit again, I’ve realized that it’s something people are very uneasy addressing.  What I mean is that though people notice the change and want to offer some compliment, they have no idea how to do so.  I’ve noticed this the most at work where my required uniform is especially form fitting, making it pretty obvious that I’ve slimmed down.  It’s nearly impossible not to notice in form-fitting Lycra and spandex.  And this makes people uneasy.

Usually this happens most with regular customers.  I’ll be working at the bar, mixing drinks like a true master of all things alcoholic and a customer will clear their throat in a way that quite obviously means “I have something to say with absolutely no idea how to say it.”  After acknowledging the dramatic throat clear, I’ll find myself in the middle of a stammering, uncomfortable conversation that boils down to asking if I’ve lost weight.

“Um, I don’t really know how to say this, but have you…um…maybe lost a little weight?”

“You know, you look different.  I guess I’m not sure, but maybe you’ve been at the gym a bit lately?”

“I think, well maybe I don’t know, that perhaps you’ve toned up some.  I’m not really sure.  I don’t come here that much.”

Actually, you’re here twice a week, but whose counting anyway?  No matter the delivery, it’s pretty obvious that people have no idea how to address the change in my body.  Of course I totally understand.  We live in a society that has – rightfully – taught us it’s disrespectful to make inquires regarding a woman’s weight.  Hell, it’s rude to make inquires about anyone’s weight.  But sometimes, regardless of the situation, it’s nice to hear a compliment.

And that, my friends, is the difference.  If it’s apparent that someone has had a positive body change odds are they’d probably love a positive response to that change.  I’ve literally worked my ass off of my body after months of very hard work.  I’ve sweated.  I’ve sustained myself on boiled chicken.  I’ve consumed more protein in liquid form than some people probably eat in a year.  And most of it has totally sucked.  It was hard and it’s nice knowing that all of it really did make a noticeable difference.  Yes, I can look in the mirror everyday like a vain little twit and spew affirmations, but nothing is better than someone else taking notice and saying something nice.

If you notice a change in someone, go ahead and say something.  If they’re anything like me, they’ll really appreciate the compliment.  After all, a girl cannot live on protein and complex carbs alone; those don’t feed the soul.

So go ahead and sit at my bar and confidentially ask if I’m a personal trainer (yes, that actually happened).  Point out that I may have lost weight.  Because guess what?  I have.

If I can generalize, remember the importance of complimenting people.  Yes, it can occasionally feel awkward to do so, but it can really make a person’s day.  It’s just nice to be noticed and – even more so – appreciated.  I’ve made it my new personal goal to compliment someone everyday because the world could use a little love.  Let’s spread love people!

Oh, and thanks for letting me know how much you like my “guns.”

And, because I like votes and I'm a shameless self-promoter, don't forget to vote daily in the Hooters Halloween Costume Contest on Facebook.  Once again I made my costume from scratch this year.  I'm hoping - with your help - to break into the top three and win some money to support my student ass.  Please help me buy Ramen liquid egg whites.

VOTE HERE!

Then feel free to LIKE ME ON FACEBOOK!  It's where the magic happens.

People Who Make Me Hooters Happy

After showing that the world can be home to sucky people, I thought it might be nice to talk about some awesome people who I actually like to spend my time waiting on.  Really I'd say 98% of the people I encounter at work are a joy to serve.  Unfortunately, it's so much easier to write about the negative.  Maybe this is because it feels better to vent about horrible things.  Maybe it's because it's just that they are exceptions - making them more noteworthy in some fashion.  Maybe I just like to bitch.

Either way, this post is dedicated to some of my most favorite customers because not everyone sucks.  I now introduce you to some of the people who brighten my day.  And if any of you are reading this feel free to drop a comment and say hi!

Mak
Mak is a pretty cool dude who stops in at least once a week.  What makes him cool is that he is generally interested in my life.  This has really made him more of a friend than just a customer.  He is also a collector of my finest receipt arts and forces me to expand my repertoire by always requesting an original (he reads this blog so he knows if I am recycling).  Also, he doesn't mind if I occasionally steal a fry.  And the sharing of fried food really is the way to my heart.

Bill, Art and the Rest Home Gang
About a year ago, one of those handicap busses pulled up to Hooters and out rolled six very hip elderly people and their most amazing caregiver.  They had wanted to try Hooters and had finally been given the green light by the powers that be at their assisted living facility.  Once they came in that first day, they couldn't be kept away and made it a bi-weekly ritual to hit up Hooters for lunch.

Bill always ordered the same thing, "I'll have a mushroom burger and a Cotton-Eyed Joe."  And Bill always got both.  He'd have his burger and then we'd gather around and dance the Cotton-Eyed Joe to the delight of the table, especially Bill.  He'd would never let me get his order wrong, not that I ever would.

Art is quieter than Bill was.  Art opens his mouth to order his usual Buffalo Shrimp and not to say much else.  But Art is a thinker.  One day I opened to his to-go box to add a few more of his favorite pickles and noticed four sets of silverware atop his curly fries.  Art just smiled.  I let him keep one fork and knife.  I'm nice like that.  He's been trying to get his hands on a whole table caddy ever since.

Bill passed away in January and visits have been less frequent since then.  I hear it makes them miss him too much to stop in.  I certainly miss them.

Fast, Real Fast
Team Fast, Real Fast is made up of two motocross riders who play trivia on Wednesday nights.  They are just generally awesome guys who like to have a good time.  They also work for the local Coca-Cola bottler driving trucks full of bubbly goodness.  What is better than bringing sugar and caffeine to the good people of the world?

Bos
Bos actually lives in Kansas.  He makes his way up to Montana twice a year to go hunting.  It's a very Montana thing to do.  Bos will only sit with me because I "made him feel like a regular" after being rather ignored the day before.  This is cool with me because he is just a generally awesome person to talk to and I appreciate generally awesome people.  He'll be back in town in early November. 

The Ladies
I love the Ladies, because they are not afraid to come to Hooters and have a good time; too many women avoid Hooters for silly, unfounded reasons.  The Ladies have discovered the joy of Hooters as well as the joy of $1.50 margaritas.  And there is probably nothing more joyful than cheap tequila.  I love to laugh with this group of secure, fun, outgoing women.  I hope I grow up to be them one day.

Now hasn't this post just made you feel better about the state of the world after Bitchy Bitcherson came alone and ruined my weekend?  Yeah, I feel better too.  Thanks for making my day, you little bundles of wonderful.

With Warmest Regard

I got some mail at Hooters the other day.  This is always relatively exciting because it means that you are awesome enough for someone to actually waste a stamp on you.  That's practically a gillion cents these days with the way stamps can't ever seem to decide how much they should be.  I mean that's a really big deal.  This was my fourth time receiving mail at Hooters.  You can deduce for yourself how awesome that makes me.

So there I was at jumpstart, getting ready to jumpstart my day, when my mail was delivered to me upon a silver plater.  Ok, that's a lie.  So there I was when my mail was delivered to me by being thrown onto the table.  I hastily opened it and was greeted by both a card and letter.  I felt uber appreciated.  Then I read it.

I now present you the contents of my Hooters mail.

First the greeting card:
To the hostess with the mostest...
from the guest who was impressed!

Thanks!

*WARMEST REGARDS*
J.D.

And the best part, the letter (with my personal comments bolded):
Aug,25,2010

Hi Sauce,
Do you remember me?  (Nope.)  I was traveling the country and stopped by Hooters for lunch.  (Yeah, that doesn't narrow it down.)  You waited on me and we had some laughs.  I never forget people that make me laugh.  THANK YOU!  You are a lovely woman and it was the highlight of my day.

The reason for this note is to ask if we chat occasionally? ( I'm starting to catch just a hint of creepy.)  I have a many friends that I like to keep track of their life and careers as the travel through life.  You told me you have aspirations of becoming a sports announcer (Um, no.  I have never said that.  Ever.) or even higher than that.  Maybe a word or encouragement is all that some people need to take that next step.  It is really up to you.  (OK, not too creepy now.  Maybe it was a false alarm.)  Some of my friends have far exceeded their dreams, others have exchanged a life of mediocrity for a safe boring life.  That is OK too.  Maybe they never saw their potential.  (Not bad at all.  Thanks, dude!)

Let me know if you wish to communicate via email or face-book and would like to be a friend?  If it is not to be that is fine with me and it was a pleasure meeting you.  GOOD LUCK!  Thanks.

*WARMEST REGARD*
J.D.

INFO:
Address provided

555-555-5555 will change soon just so you know (Thanks?)
Email address provided.




You know, overall that wasn't so bad!  Yeah, it got a little creepy for a half of half of second, but overall I just feel appreciated.  How very warm and fuzzy!

Then the Facebook messages started.  And the friend invites.  Over.  And Over.  And Over.  Now that was creepy.

The joys of Hooters!

And Sometimes Customers Even Make You Smile

Sometimes a nice little friendly note is almost better than a big tip.  Yes, I clearly like money and you can go ahead and give me as much as you want of it.  My bank account certainly won't complain about being filled to the brim with dollar signs.  But a big tip can't tell you thank you as literally as a note.  Money talks, but not that loudly it seems.  That's why it's nice to see a note of thanks.  This means that not only was the service good, but it was good enough for you to take the time to let me know just how good it was.

The other day, I had a server I enjoyed so much at Chili's that I left her a receipt art right there on the credit card receipt.  I never got to see her reaction, but I know I'd appreciate that crap.  Sometimes the simplest shit can brighten someone's day.  And I like brightening days.

Recently, this little nugget really made me smile.  It was from the cutest little girl ever and she apparently thought I was totally wonderful.  This could have something to do with the fact that I drew her a princess on her receipt (yeah, I wish I had a picture of that gem as much as you probably do right now), but whatever, I'll still take the credit.  It's official, I'm "the best waitress ever."  You read it here first.

For Love of Ranch Dressing

Hooters is not an eatery one is generally meant to visit if they are at all health conscious. Yes, Hooters has its healthy options and the menu even has a cute little doctor owl who will let you know that a salad is a nice healthy choice (he won't tell you that you have to get without all the yummy things like dressing and cheese). Really though, as a restaurant where a good 75% of the menu options are fried, healthy is not that first thing a person thinks when Hooters is involved.

Curiously in a very unhealthy restaurant the only type of ranch dressing we offer is "lite" ranch. That's right you can't get full calorie, artery clogging ranch at Hooters. Generally this isn't an issue and even if it was an issue my stellar "hands free service" that Hooters requires me to give means you never even saw the writing on the top of the foil wrapper anyway.

Apparently, some people are picky about their ranch. Some people want real, true, lots-o-calorie ranch even if the slightly better for you lite ranch tastes exactly the same. And that's the thing, our lite ranch is excellent. So when I drop off a salad at your your table of thirty and I don't quite have time to get the top off that ranch before you see it because I'm trying to deliver twenty plates while I simultaneously entertain your kids, I may be a little surprised when you complain.


"Excuse me but I DID NOT ask for lite ranch with my salad. Where is MY real ranch?!"

"I'm sorry, we only offer lite ranch, but it's really great and you can't even tell a difference. In fact I like it better, it's easily my favorite ranch."

"Do I CARE if you like it? I guess I'll HAVE to have thousand island then..."

*sigh*

So let me apologize once and for all about our horrible, low calorie ranch. Heaven forbid you save twenty calories as you gorge yourself on chicken wings.