For Love of Ranch Dressing

Hooters is not an eatery one is generally meant to visit if they are at all health conscious. Yes, Hooters has its healthy options and the menu even has a cute little doctor owl who will let you know that a salad is a nice healthy choice (he won't tell you that you have to get without all the yummy things like dressing and cheese). Really though, as a restaurant where a good 75% of the menu options are fried, healthy is not that first thing a person thinks when Hooters is involved.

Curiously in a very unhealthy restaurant the only type of ranch dressing we offer is "lite" ranch. That's right you can't get full calorie, artery clogging ranch at Hooters. Generally this isn't an issue and even if it was an issue my stellar "hands free service" that Hooters requires me to give means you never even saw the writing on the top of the foil wrapper anyway.

Apparently, some people are picky about their ranch. Some people want real, true, lots-o-calorie ranch even if the slightly better for you lite ranch tastes exactly the same. And that's the thing, our lite ranch is excellent. So when I drop off a salad at your your table of thirty and I don't quite have time to get the top off that ranch before you see it because I'm trying to deliver twenty plates while I simultaneously entertain your kids, I may be a little surprised when you complain.


"Excuse me but I DID NOT ask for lite ranch with my salad. Where is MY real ranch?!"

"I'm sorry, we only offer lite ranch, but it's really great and you can't even tell a difference. In fact I like it better, it's easily my favorite ranch."

"Do I CARE if you like it? I guess I'll HAVE to have thousand island then..."

*sigh*

So let me apologize once and for all about our horrible, low calorie ranch. Heaven forbid you save twenty calories as you gorge yourself on chicken wings.