Ariel, Sauce and the Intruder

Yesterday, Ariel and I were our usual fabulous selves and spent the day being utterly amazing.  Usually this would consist of shopping soaked in the occasional alcoholic beverage.  It's not that we're lushes, it's that there is something magical about being slightly lucid when looking at overpriced jeans.  While this is most enjoyable, we decided to spend the day connecting with nature.  Yes, we actually went out in the woods and hiked up mountains and saw wildlife and shit.  While I work out regularly, Ariel was most proud of herself for actually, legitimately sweating from physical activity.  I even photographed the event as evidence of our general level of awesome activeness.  It was a good day.

Upon returning from our woodland frolicking, I proceeded to make a dent in Ariel's couch as she got ready for her 6:00 p.m. Hooters Girl shift.  While she blow-dried and make-upped and nyloned I watched "You, Me and Dupree."  I can only imagine her general level of jealousy as I did absolutely nothing.  Unfortunately, my movie watching took considerably more time than Ariel's getting ready.  Rather than miss the end of a movie I've never seen I decided to stay at Ariel's to finish the movie as she headed to work.  This is hardly weird.  We both have keys to each other's studio apartments - we call it "long distance roommates."  So Ariel left and I continued to increase my dent in the couch.

The next few minutes went like this:

5:45:  Ariel leaves for Hooters.

5:46:  I contemplating getting up from the couch.

5:47:  I decide against leaving couch.

5:47 - 5:54:  Movie watching.

5:55:  Ariel's front door is opened.  It is not Ariel.

Yes, at 5:55 someone opens Ariel's door.  As the handle turns my first thought is that Ariel was cut from work as soon as she arrived.  This thought is immediately erased when I realize the person entering is considerably bigger and more male than Ariel.  In the very few seconds it takes me to process that a man is entering Ariel's apartment he spots me on the couch.  I freeze.  I scream.  He runs.  By the time I work up the courage to go near enough to the door to close and lock it, the intruder is gone.  I am seriously freaked the eff out.

Naturally I decide to call Ariel but I am so flustered that I can't recall the number to Hooters or how to find it in my phone.  I am cool like that.  Luckily, Ariel decides to call me right at the moment.  I don't even give her a chance to say hello.

Sauce:  "Ok, so um we're you expecting someone."

Ariel:  "Wait. What?  No. Why?"

Sauce:  "Well then someone just tried to come in your house."

As I describe what just happened, Ariel - who was cut from work upon arrival as I had originally thought - made her way home.  We then decided to do some investigating because we are closet spies.  While our examination didn't turn up an uber creeper, it didn't turn up a few things that were just as freaky.  First is the fact that the timing of his intrusion corresponded so well with her leaving for work - too weird to be a coincidence.  Most noteworthy of our discoveries thought was that the screens of both her front windows have been both pushed in and pried up at the corners.  And perhaps more frightening, one of the windows is cracked from top to bottom.  No other apartment had any damage to their screens and certainly didn't have any cracked windows.  It was upon these findings that we decided it would be best to call the police.

Naturally, the police couldn't do much.  The man was long gone and I hadn't gotten a good enough look at him to give a useful description.  I know he was in his early twenties and he had on a white t-shirt.  That really narrows it down doesn't it?

So the police will be patrolling the neighborhood, but likely nothing will come of it.  Unless you count the sleepovers that now take place in my bed because Ariel is too afraid to go home.  And I don't blame her.

Oh and I totally missed the end of "You, Me and Dupree."  Damn you, creeper man.