24 July 2010

Texts from the Infamous H

I don't give my number out at Hooters.  Sure, I'm asked, but there is something about handing my number to a greasy-fingered dude ogling my hot shorts that doesn't say "Mr. Right" to me.  While other girls have - on rare occasions - handed out their numbers with various levels of success, I've just always chose not to.  Until Wednesday.  Yes, on Wednesday I broke down and gave out my number to a seemingly nice guy who'd sat with me all day.  It seemed like a fine idea at the time.  H was cute and tall and nice.  And after several hours of innocent pestering I wrote my number on the back of napkin.  It felt very cliche.

The first red flag came later that evening.  And the flag grew and grew and grew.  I now present you with a series of unedited text messages (names omitted) outlining why I will never give my number out at Hooters ever again.  Please enjoy my additional commentary.

H: O sweet sauce how can i hamdle waiting till tomorow :(
Wednesday, 6:26 PM

H: Alright alright fine dont txt me back lol
Wednesday, 6:39 PM

At this time, please note the thirteen minute time difference.  Pushy much?  What if I had been in the shower or running or at an all you can shove in your face buffet?  Lock it up, dude.

Sauce: Give a girl a minute! Haha
Wednesday, 6:40 PM

Observe how I'm playing this off like it's tolerable that I was just double texted.  Of course this is never tolerable to us normal folk.

Several "normal" texts are now exchanged.

H: What is sauce up to right now huh?
Wednesday,  8:42 PM

I am already annoyed.

H: And ur doing?
Wednesday, 9:51 PM

I now pretend I have fallen asleep to avoid texting him for the next twelve or so hours.

Sauce: Sorry, I passed out last night.  How was your night?
Thursday, 11:35 AM

H: O pretty good.  Had a little rave party at the house lol di u pass out drunk??
Thursday, 11:37 AM

Everything about that text message annoyed the hell out of me.

Sauce: No.  I didn't drink last night. Just went to sleep.
Thursday, 12:00 PM

H: Needless to say i got a little wasted lol. What time u comn to c me later?
Thursday, 12:10 PM

H: Lol u still thinkn about your answer or what? Lol
Thursday, 12:10 PM

No, I was just thinking about the fact that I never want to see you.  And that you are not twelve and need to kill the extreme overuse of "LOL."

Sauce: Seriously, you need to give a girl a minute to get back to you. I'm not sure.
Thursday, 12:14 PM

About now I should start ignoring him, but I decide to keep texting him for some freaking reason.  I am quite obviously a glutton for punishment or entirely desperate.

H: Lol sorry i can b kind of demanding especialy when i see sompn i want.
Thursday, 12:16 PM


H: jk lol
Thursday, 12:16 PM

Sauce: You're not joking.
Thursday, 12:17 PM

H: Ahahaha well im sure we hav that in common! I bet u can b a lil demanding girl
Thursday, 12:19 PM

Sauce: No. Not really.
Thursday, 12:27 PM

H: Its alright if u tell me what u want lol jk dont let me scare u off
Thursday, 12:27 PM

Seriously?!  You didn't scare me off, you did however creep me the eff out and turned me off.  I can see how you could get those things confused.

H: So whats up?
Thursday, 3:13 PM

Let the ignoring commence!

H: Sauce my dear what r u doing??
Thursday, 3:46 PM

H: What r ur plans later?
Thursday, 5:06 PM

H: Sauce u r payiing no attentiin to me whatsoever wtf? Lol u gota talk to me babe!!
Thursday, 6:07 PM

No, actually, I don't have to talk to you because you clearly can't take a hint. But I take the opportunity to ATTEMPT to prove a point.

Sauce: You act as if I have no purpose but to text you...
Thursday, 6:16 PM

H: U have no purpose but to hang out with me lol jk
Thursday, 6:17 PM

Point clearly not understood.  Let the ignoring continue.

H: Ur destiny was to meet me and party with me lol
Thursday, 6:32 PM

H: Wana b my girfriend if I move back to montana? Lol jk
Thursday, 7:00 PM

H: Sauce im gona have to end our relationship ur just not talkn to me enough
Thursday, 8:20

And that was the last I heard from infamous H.  I mean really, dude?  Do think this is the sort of crap girls swoon over?  Just to let you know, we don't like this kind of shit.  You my friend are a stage five effing clinger.  Not attractive.  Ever.  And for the record we never had a relationship, but I'm damn glad it ended.

Note to self: NEVER give your number out at Hooters.


  1. Next time some guy is driving you crazy at work, asking for your number, give him this guy's.

  2. WOW! Total desperate loser face of a guy! I would have been brutally honest with him and told him what I thought then tell him not to text me again. I think some guys think to highly of themselves thats why they will never be happy or have a happy healthy relationship. You handled it well girly! :)

  3. OMG.. He is so childish jerk. End the relationship? You guys weren't even dating. And you never wanted to. What a loser.

  4. ahahaha, what a freakkk. thank god he wasn't from Montana and can't stalk you or anything...i'm in awe that guys that creepy really exist. i mean, you don't see that kind of thing in the movies, ya know?

    thanks for sharing your lesson learned - it's a good one for all girls to be aware of.

  5. This is hilarious, what a spaz!! I would definitely live by the "don't give your number out" rule. I gave my email once to a guy who sat at my bar all night reading a book that looked good. He said he would email me the link to the site he got it from (apparently it was rare...right) and he ended up stalking me with odd sexual innuendoes until I had to block him (not replying to these losers just doesn't work). Creep!! Well, we all learn our lessons :)

  6. you probably just have to be more cautious about who you hand your number out to. obviously hooters is going to be a tough place to meet good guys. But they wouldn't be "good" if they were easy to find (good things are by definition usually rarer than bad things).

    Whether you choose to hand your # out at work is your personal choice, but saying, "I won't at this place because of 1 bad experience" sounds a bit on the melodramatic side.

    Especially when chicks double-text all the time. All the females reading this, don't act like you haven't been guilty of double texting or wondering why the guy you're into hasn't messaged you back.

    They just play it off more smoothly (sometimes).

  7. Me deciding to not give out my number again is obviously not an answer to every situation - there are exceptions. Mainly my point is that it's pretty hard to get to know someone very well in one serving experience at Hooters. As this post clearly illustrated. And maybe I was a little melodramatic but would it have been as interesting to read if I wasn't?

  8. hats off to you for giving a guy a chance...

    hats back on for the dude who blew it.

  9. Oh man that was intense! i know how you feel! but really there isnt much more guys want from you these days.. ://

  10. Aww man. This blog is great, but now I'm reviewing all the times I've ever texted a girl and whether or not I could've been this creeping fuck.

    However, I do love the fact that, for whatever reason, his texts sound like he has awful breath.

  11. Give him the Reject Hotline: 202 452 7468, should get your point across.



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