24 August 2011

When Hot isn't Hot

I don’t like giving people suggestions when it comes to ordering.  It’s not that I don’t have my menu favorites – Hooters Cobb, chicken tossed in hot sauce or Training Burgers with American cheese and LOTS of jalapeños – it’s that what I like doesn’t necessarily correlate to what you’d like.  This is why when asked what I’d suggest I generally give some bullshit answer that makes sure to include several items that serve as a pretty good cross-section of the menu; you get your suggestions, but still have to rely on personal preference to choose between several offerings.  The last thing I want to do is suggest something I love only to have you not enjoy your meal because it doesn’t suit your tastes.  That’s just not good for either of us.

Enjoy your wings, asshat!
The one exception to my aversion to offering menu suggestions occurs when people order wings.  I will ALWAYS offer my suggestions in this area because in all honestly Hooters basic buffalo sauces aren’t nearly as hot as they are billed.  As I like to put it, our hot is more of a medium, our medium is basically mild and mild is pretty much nonexistent.  And that is not an exaggeration.  For some reason Hooters has “dumbed-down” sauces.  It’s just the way it is.

Knowing that our sauces are milder than their names, I always suggest people order one sauce up from the one they think they want when choosing from our basics.  I relay the fact that our buffalo sauces are butter based and that the spice very gradually increases as you go up the scale while the butter decreases.  And though I’ve had many people be skeptical, most people follow my advice and step their ordering up.  In nearly three years of suggesting this, not one person has said I was wrong.  In fact, most people have thanked me for the advice.

Then there are the people who don’t listen.  They order the stupid mild – which is a lot more butter than spice – and then complain that their wings weren’t sauced.  At this point I’ll do my best to once again explain that the sauces are butter based which means that they melt when paired with the hot, fried wings.  And since mild is so butter heavy it seemingly all but disappears to a lot of people.  I will then offer to grab them a side of the hotter sauce – which I had offered them in the first place.

And some people will be happy with this.  And of course some won’t.  Some people will spend the rest of their Hooters’ experience hating the absolute shit out of me because they are chowing down on some wings that aren’t what they expected.  They will totally forget what I suggested and instead think I’m horrible at my job.  All over some stupid wings. 

Meanwhile, I will think you’re a complete and total asshole who had every chance to have some really awesome wings.  I will think that you should have listened to the girl who has spent 30+ at Hooters every week for the past three effing years.  I don’t just make shit up, people.  I am a Hooters expert.  It’s not my fault you didn’t listen to me.  It’s also not may fault that you’re a stubborn prick.

So next time your waitress offers you a suggestion, remember that she probably knows what’s she’s talking about.  Odds are she is not out to get you and simply wants you to actually enjoy your meal.  It might be hard to believe, but I want you to like what you’re eating.  After all if you hate it you’ll tip me like shit – even though it will be no fault of my own.  Don’t even get me started on that shit.


  1. I've always considered it kind of stupid anyway to ask someone you don't know at all what to order. It's one thing if it's someone you've at least met before and have some kind of idea, but sheesh . . .

  2. I agree, it's just odd to ask a stranger to recommend something to eat. Unless you're clarifying something, like the spicy/hotness of something, in which case you ought to listen! It's just plain rude to ask a question then ignore the answer. Utter numpties!

    Roll on Saturday - I'm flying to the USA! My first visit and yes, I am making a point of visiting Hooters, but alas I won't be in your area - maybe next time! :)

  3. Of course, you have to remember that what one person considers medium, someone else will think is way too hot.

    When I made my very first visit to my local Hooters a few weeks ago, I first tried the Spicy Garlic sauce. It was all right, but there wasn't enough garlic for my taste. (Definitely spicy, though.) I then switched to the Samurai sauce, and it was perfect.

  4. Actually, Janus, that's pretty much exactly how ideacribe the spicy garlic - more spicy than garlic. It's a great sauce, but for a real garlic lover it generally doesn't cut it.

  5. Ahh, that's another issue with sauces! I think because there are two different Hooters franchises (Hooters of America and Texas Wings), some people come into our Hooters down in Texas and ask for sauces like "Samurai", which we don't have! (Sadly! It sounds delicious!) Then people get mad at me, thinking I'm incompetent at my job, and I have to explain the whole franchise situation and different sauce selection. D: Alas!

    But I hate when people order mild; it would always get sent back, asking for more sauce, or asking where the zest was, even after explaining it was butter based! I now always add a disclaimer everytime it's ordered, haha.

  6. I love it when people decide they need to sabotage their own meal. When a server works at any establishment we are made to try the food so we know the flavor profiles that we are pushing. I work at a certain corporation that offers breadsticks and wine to people. I am awesome with wine, and when someone tells me that they had a sweet red wine, I head for the lambrusco. I don't know how many times they are like "No this isn't it" and it turns out it was the "blush" or the rosato...

    Don't trust your servers!! We are so dumb!! (Please note the sarcasm. I don't almost have my next college degree and I don't drink wine three times a week or better..nope..I don't..lol)

    Thanks for the tip about butter based. I am never sure what to order at Hooters and that is helpful.

  7. Zelbess, if you've never tried the Samurai sauce, it's a teriyaki-style sauce. Trust me, it is delicious.

    I've seen the menu for Sauce's Hooters, and they have a couple of sauces that the locations in Louisville don't have -- Parmesan Garlic and Lemon Pepper. That was a little disappointing, because I would have loved to have tried both of those.

  8. Wow, sounds awesome! A shame my store in Texas doesn't have it. :) My store has a weird selection of other sauces though; we have the usual mild/medium/hot, then 3-Mile, Bentley and XXX, as well as Daytona, Lemon Pepper, Spicy Garlic, BBQ, and Cajun! I don't think the Cajun is very good though, as people send it back far too frequently. :)

    I'd love to visit Hooters all around the country, just to see what the menu, bar and decor are like! :)



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