20 December 2011

Drive By Photography

There is nothing that I find funnier than people who want to say they’ve been to Hooters, but don’t actually want to go inside.  Yes, this actually happens.  And I know that it happens because I see the shit with my own eyes several times a week; it’s a common occurrence.

It generally goes a little something like this:

PLEASE, come on in!  CREDIT.
A car pulls into the parking lot.  Rather than parking however, the car will conveniently stop directly in the main flow of traffic – these people are never about the convenience of others.  The car stops, but remains running, and one or more people will quickly jump out.  It’s apparent they’ve planned this out ahead of time as they group together and someone snaps a quick picture.  My favorite of these instances is when the driver remains in the car and also serves as photographer to ensure for the fastest getaway possible.

With photographic proof of their stop at Hooters safely stored on a cellphone memory card, the group rushes back to the car nearly as fast as they got out of it.  I can only imagine the giddy laughter and sexual innuendo-laced conversations taking place as the vehicle speeds away.  We’ve experienced a drive by and it all takes less than a minute.

Now I could be mistaken, but I don’t think this goes down at the Red Lobster.  As awesome as their northeastern, beach theme is I don’t think people stop there specifically to snap a photo for the old scrapbook.  This is a Hooters phenomenon that has to do with the ladies inside.  Apparently those ladies are so awesome even a picture of the building that holds them is worth a Facebook post that will be the envy of all your friends.  By the way, Red Lobster has ladies that work there too in case you were wondering.  I checked.

I find myself wondering how a picture of the outside of a chain restaurant can really be all that interesting.  That’s right, this is because it’s not interesting at all.  Yet this still happens with astonishing regularity.  Such things should be reserved for sports stadiums, national monuments, the homes of celebrities and the occasional Mormon temple.  Hooters isn’t and shouldn’t be on this list. 

From my usual post at the bar, I have a primo view of the photographers as they come and go.  Do you think they know that the best pictures happen inside?  Pictures with real girls in real Hooters uniforms?  Do they also not realize that if they come inside these same girls will bring plates upon plates of delicious fried food until they can longer force another bite into their mouths?  It’s America at its finest within these hallowed doors, my friends.  You attack photographers are really missing out.

So the next time your friend suggests stopping by Hooters for a picture, let them know that Sauce has extended a personal invitation for them to actually come inside.  I’ll even hold the door for you because I’m good like that.  You’re welcome.


  1. Heh. That is funny. Though I actually know people who have done that. If they ever actually work up the nerve to go inside they'd be disappointed to discover it's just a restaurant and the girls aren't turning tricks on the floor between the tables and customers aren't snorting cocaine from the tabletops. And nobody is naked.

  2. The Hooters in the pic you used looks like it has a pretty fancy set up for a Hooters - I'd take a picture of that.

  3. This Hooters is pretty fancy being all elevated over the garage and what not, but this was just the best picture I found to represent what I was talking about. Or to put it even better, it was the best picture I could find quickly because I am lazy and gave up after about two minutes.

  4. Sauce, Merry Christmas to you and thank you for all of the entertainment and thoughts you have shared this past year.

  5. haha! I love this. I see it all the time. Check out my blog sometime :) I have you on my list of blogs to read on my page.

  6. The first couple of times I read this entry, Sauce, I thought the title was "Drive By Pornography."

    Have a Happy New Year!

  7. What an interesting concept...Drive By Photography. I had no idea that this was occurring at Hooters Restaurants all over the country. Sauce, I agree with you, I am sure that the better photographs would be inside. Thank you for the bringing this phenomenon to our attention.

    Yours In Health!

    G.E. Moon II



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