22 March 2011

I am Not a Man Stealer

I always, always, always make a point of helping any women at my tables first.  I do this for a number of reasons.  First off, it's polite in an antiquated way.  You know, like the Titanic.  Woman and children with a net worth of more than $10,000 to the lifeboats first, please.  But beyond all that shit, the real reason I do this is to avoid any and all belief that I am a boyfriend/fiancé/husband stealer.

Is that bitch a son stealer too?!
Lets not sugarcoat this; I work at Hooters.  Not only am I dressed like a bit of a tart - to put it mildly, I am a tart who is encouraged to be very friendly and conversational with my tables.  It really doesn't take much for that simple conversation to be perceived as flirting.  This is the whole reason we get so many phone numbers.  And it's also why a woman can easily assume what is little more than service to me is man stealing to her.

And that is why I do everything in my power to make each and every woman at my tables feel like a princess.  She is the special guest.  It's a simple thing, but at Hooters it's incredibly important.
Yet even with all that precaution some women still seem to think that me asking their man how he likes his burger cooked is some secret Hooters' code for me wanting to fuck him.  News flash, ladies, I already deal with one boyfriend.  I don't have the energy or the desire to deal with another one.  You can go ahead and keep your slob of a significant other.

So for the record, nine times out of ten or even 999,999 times out of 1,000,000 your Hooters Girl does not want to steal your man from right across the table.  Odds are all that "flirting" is probably just her doing her job.  After all, we're paid to be nice to people.

Of course all of this changes if your boyfriend is Ryan Reynolds.  Then you're totally effing screwed.

NOTE:  My amazing friends are in a contest through the end of the month to win an all-inclusive wedding giveaway.  I'm talking dress, location, food, photographer and all that other crap you need to get married paid for.  If you have a bit of time, please help me help them win.  You do have to register to vote - which you can do daily - but it seems a small thing to give a wonderful couple the wedding of their dreams.  Plus I'd get to go to a SWEET wedding!



  1. I'm pretty sure that if those women went with their men to McDonald's and the girl at the register was nice to them they'd think she was trying to steal her man. It wouldn't matter. When you get one of those you're pretty much screwed anyway.

  2. yeah, that's not a Hooters exclusive phenomenon. Those kinds of girls are those kinds of girls wherever they go. I don't even try to look that good for my job (clean and neat is my main concern), am not big on being flirty under any circumstances, and I still get the girls that are convinced I'm there only to steal their man. No thanks, hun...I have my own, and he's enough of a MAN that I don't have to have those petty worries those girls must have. .( plus seriously, if you're that insecure, why did you agree to go to Hooters in the first place?)

  3. You would probably have a better shot at Ryan Reynolds if you were wearing green shorts.

  4. Women are ridiculous! One of my customers was asking about the pregnant waitress while his wife was in the bathroom, and when she returned I got the dirtiest look ever from her. It's not MY fault he called me over while you were gone!

    I cannot even imagine being in a Hooters outfit and dealing with the old ball and chain.

  5. I hate when situations like this occur. I always try to be nice, divide my eye contact, and make sure everyone is comfortable, but some women just want to make life difficult. I especially hate it when they try to order for their man. There's always that akwardness when I have a question about what they ordered (like what side item, or how you want it cooked), and I never know who to ask. I usually just ignore the man altogether and ask, "does he want...?"

    I don't really consider myself that attractive, and I wouldn't recommend any women getting jealous about me waiting on them. I do find those situations kinda funny though. Seriously? Nobody really wants your scrub of a man but you...keep it to yourself.

  6. I appreciate how much thought you put into your job and your customers. It says a lot about you. Great blog as usual.

  7. Hi! I just discovered your blog from the bitchy water site- Just wanted to say that I enjoy it!

    For an attempt at humor within the gut-wrenching world of corporate America, check out my blog... http://businesscasualrequired.blogspot.com/


  8. I totally want to sit at one of your tables.



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