I always, always, always make a point of helping any women at my tables first. I do this for a number of reasons. First off, it's polite in an antiquated way. You know, like the Titanic. Woman and children with a net worth of more than $10,000 to the lifeboats first, please. But beyond all that shit, the real reason I do this is to avoid any and all belief that I am a boyfriend/fiancé/husband stealer.
|Is that bitch a son stealer too?!|
And that is why I do everything in my power to make each and every woman at my tables feel like a princess. She is the special guest. It's a simple thing, but at Hooters it's incredibly important.
Yet even with all that precaution some women still seem to think that me asking their man how he likes his burger cooked is some secret Hooters' code for me wanting to fuck him. News flash, ladies, I already deal with one boyfriend. I don't have the energy or the desire to deal with another one. You can go ahead and keep your slob of a significant other.
So for the record, nine times out of ten or even 999,999 times out of 1,000,000 your Hooters Girl does not want to steal your man from right across the table. Odds are all that "flirting" is probably just her doing her job. After all, we're paid to be nice to people.
Of course all of this changes if your boyfriend is Ryan Reynolds. Then you're totally effing screwed.
NOTE: My amazing friends are in a contest through the end of the month to win an all-inclusive wedding giveaway. I'm talking dress, location, food, photographer and all that other crap you need to get married paid for. If you have a bit of time, please help me help them win. You do have to register to vote - which you can do daily - but it seems a small thing to give a wonderful couple the wedding of their dreams. Plus I'd get to go to a SWEET wedding!
VOTE HERE FOR RYAN AND RACHEL!