07 March 2011

Napkins, Names and Crazy B*#@$es

Today I had a request to keep the napkin.  By this I mean the napkin that I am forced to sign at every table I serve.  First off, the request was fairly normal - at first at least.  But before I get to all that, why do I have to sign that damn napkin in the first place?  Hooters makes a point of having each and every one of their Hooters Girls mark their tables in this way.  It's requirement number one when you head to a table.

It's mine, bitch! CREDIT.
Now I could say that this is so you can actually call me by name, but of course that rarely is the way the napkin is used.  Usually it's ignored, used as a coaster, or meets an untimely demise brought by a sauce covered hand.  But I still have to sign that napkin even though you'll still call me baby, honey, or ignore the idea of me having a name all together.  It's just part of the ritual of being a Hooters Girl.

In the end though, as much as that napkin doesn't mean shit to most customers, it means a whole lot to us.  In a restaurant that is hostess free 95% of the time, a signed napkin on a table means that they've been helped and not entirely ignored.  Consider it a Hooters Girl version of territory marking only without the urine and animalistic rubbing.  Really it's just a sure sign that you're taken care of.  It's a simple, but helpful tactic to keep the whole restaurant running smoothly.

And then of course there are those customers that generally appreciate your name sitting there on the table.   Some people actually pay attention.  Some people actually use my name.  Some people are just cool as shit.  And then sometimes they even like me so much that take that napkin home where I can only imagine they show all their friends and hang it on the fridge.  Or something.

That is what happened today.  Today, a very nice man asked to keep the napkin and I kindly obliged.  In fact I even went above and beyond and - per his request - got all the girls on shift of sign it as well.  It was only after all this work that I found out why he really wanted it.

As it turns out, this nice guy's ex-girlfriend was a less than nice girl.  She was the type of girl who didn't trust this nice guy and in fact didn't trust him so much that she freaked out when he went to Hooters.  Now my first reaction to this is that she's a freaking crazy idiot. 

Side note: crazy bitches, I - or my coworkers - am not here to steal your man.  I already have one boyfriend to deal with; I don't need yours.  This is my job, not some fancy conspiracy to breakup relationships.  Get over it.

Back to what I was saying, my first reaction was that she was a crazy idiot.  My second was that my shitty relationship experience led me to believe her mistrust was probably due to her being a cheating, backstabbing, untrustworthy-herself bitch.  Apparently that assumption was right on the money.  And that was whom the napkin was for.

This rather seemingly nice man was sending that napkin which said, "I love Hooters" and had all those names on it to his ex.  I surmise that it was not a clean breakup. 

Now I don't necessarily condone being rude to exes, but part of me finds this seriously awesome.  The other part of me is mildly freaked out that my name will be in the hands of a possibly jealous psycho.  Isn't life exciting?!


  1. hahaha that's awesome, I would do the same thing.

  2. Heh. Love it. Though you may want to watch your back over the next couple of weeks, just in case.



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