09 March 2009

My Worst Enemy: Nylons

I hate wearing nylons. This is especially true of the lovely tan nylons every Hooters Girl around the country proudly sports. That's right, for those of you who thought we all just had amazingly shiny legs I hate to disappoint but it's all hosiery (sorry to ruin the facade). And it's hosiery that all of us Hooters Girls generally despise.

As a girl that has very long legs that she loves very, very much I find the fact that I have to cover them up with nylons slightly sad. Yes, I realize that I probably wouldn't want to wear the shorts without the nylons (they are mighty short) but that doesn't make me hate the nylons any less. Mostly my distaste for the nylons comes from the fact that they always seem to run at less than convenient times in less than convenient places.

Today for example I was enjoying a particularly slow Monday (snore, yawn). Well even on a slow Monday you can run your ass off because odds are you'll have half of the tables in the restaurant. So I'm running back and forth bringing wings, taking orders and generally trying to stay busy when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window. There to my horror was a very unsightly, very large run in my nylons that happened to be right at that spot where your legs meet your butt. Now normally if this area of myself was slightly exposed I wouldn't mind so much but the beauty of pantyhose is that they suck everything in ever so slightly so when you get the right sized hole in the right spot you bulge out like you ate too many fried twinkies. Lord knows how long I was running around and bending over with my ass hanging out for all to see; at least I put on a good show.

So I hate nylons and yet I wear them everyday and spend money on them all the time (at 4 bucks a pop I'd hate to know what I spend on hosiery annually). Yet they do keep my legs looking summertime tan year-round and I always look extra shiny. Thanks nylons, I love to hate you so much.

Oh and I'm still without my laptop so posts have been rather sporadic. It seems the old Dell just can't handle the internet so well anymore.


  1. Agh I hate them too! We actually have contests and goals during our shifts to win them. Our shift manager will tell us we need to do a certain amount of table visits and get a certain amount of people to sign their email up for our new web site and we get free pantyhose haha. I know it's only 4 dollars worth but who doesn't like free stuff :p

  2. I think they're great nylons go nicly with shorts.

  3. From a male raised in the 70's and 80's, I actually have to say that I like them. My pre pubescent fantasies of girls in short skirts always had them in pantyhose (hey, it was just the times) and I had to make my way 'through' many pairs of pantyhose to get what I wanted in high school! lol!. So seeing as how it's one of the last bastions where you can seen hose on women under the age of 60, I say viva pantyhose!

  4. I love nylons. Quite frankly, I think a girl in stockings looks fare more sexier than a girl with bare legs.

    1. You have an agreement there. I'm a male and the hosiery on a female/lady attracts me so much. I actually use the photos as a screensaver, sorry to say. Even how they feel attracts me lots.

  5. how can a mere normalton such as myself get their hands on these support hose?! they look amazing!

    a fellow server x x

  6. Let's not forget how annoying it is when you realize you have a run in your precious nylons!! Because seriously, we all have tons of time to make a last minute run to the drug store to grab a new pair, right? AWFUL. Sorry, overcoming angst from a nylon mishap that I had earlier.
    I was late to my shift today because I had to run out to the store since I apparently ripped my nylons. But when I got to the drug store they were all out of my size! I had to then take a major detour and run to the mall and get them over there. SUCH A HEADACHE!!!
    But when I got to work, one of the girls I work with told me about a new site where you can actually get a SUBSCRIPTION for nylons so that they just regularly delivered to you..just like Netflix. The site is called Hoseanna...has anyone checked it out or used it? I looked at Hoseanna.com before and it looked pretty cool. Let me know if anyone has used it!

  7. Pantyhose are the best part of the Hooters uniform. They are a purely feminine article of clothing that really compliment a girl's legs. A woman with great legs should never be concerned with wearing them. They only make them look even better.

    As inconvenient they may be, men love to see a woman wearing them. It makes for a sexy and sophisticated look that makes a woman that much more alluring.

  8. Nylons are in general controlled by what is called "planned obsolescence".
    It basically means that all the major companies have made an agreement upon poor quality only to make people buy things they don't need. To hear that the nylons used by Hooters are just the same tells a few things about how omnipresent the phenomenon is. If you buy a pantyhose that is labelled "dance tights" you will see what kind of quality nylons in general should have had.

  9. As a girl who danced over ten years of ballet, I am familiar with dance tights. And yes, they are much nicer. But they are also much thicker, more opaque and far more expensive. I don't think dance tights would suit the needs of Hooters unfortunately.

    And my marketing degree taught me all about planned obsolescence. But I'm not sure that it is some great conspiracy. I think that runs and snags just come with the territory.

  10. We cryogenically treat Nylon hose for Hooter Girls and Nurses alike. It makes them last longer, it helps the toughness and strength of the nylon.

    Brian T Circle City Cryogenics, Indpls In

  11. I love Hooters girls wearing tan shiny nylons. A pretty girl with a run in her hose is sexy.

  12. I love Hooter girls in tan shiny nylons. Runs make them even sexier.

  13. Pantyhose are the best!

  14. dam stright women dont know how many men love seeing there legs and feet in them. i know they might not like them but they do make your nice legs and feet look even nicer when they are in them.



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