17 August 2010

You Gonna Remember All That?

I have been waiting tables for a long time now.  I wouldn't say this makes me an expert, but I would say it makes me very, very good at my job.  Not that serving is a difficult thing, but it is definitely not easy to take service from average to great.  There are a lot of mediocre servers out there and a lot less amazing servers.  Think about it and I'm sure you'll agree.

Anyway, like I said, I consider myself to be of that small, second group of servers that are pretty amazing.  And I'm not just being self-absorbed; I have received numerous compliments both personally and through management and our customer comment line.  Just accept how awesome I am and we'll move on.  Since I like to think I'm pretty marvelous, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people question my ability to do my job.  This can happen a number of ways.  People might question my knowledge of the menu or test just exactly how nice I can be.  I'd like to see you try, buddy, because I can be VERY effing nice.

Probably the biggest way people like to question my abilities though takes place when I'm taking a table's order.  You see, after years of being a waitress I don't really need to write shit down under most circumstances.  Now when I say "most circumstances," I mean if there are less than ten of you I probably won't need a pad of paper to remember your order.  I realize not all servers have this ability, but I do.  And yes, I will remember that you wanted that cheddar bacon burger medium well with potato salad instead of beans.  I'm really that good.

So there I'll be, doing my thing at a table and some yahoo will interrupt me to say, "you really gonna remember all this?"

Yes, I am effing going to remember all this.  It's my job to take your order, remember your order, ring in your order and serve your damn order the way you ordered it in the first place.  I realize you're really concerned about your wings coming to the table breaded, all drums just like you wanted, but don't you think I'd write the shit down if I needed to write it down?   Yes, I would in fact write down your order if I felt like it would be prudent for me to do so.  But guess what, your order at Hooters really isn't that effing difficult and even when it is difficult I have a memory that can handle that shit.  I went to college.  I got a degree.  Let me use my impressive ability to cram and memorize at least once and awhile please.  I mean I have to put all that schooling to use at some point right?

Please for the love of God stop asking me if I'll remember your order.  I can promise you with almost 100% certainty that I will get it right.  And if I don't get it right it probably has something to do with the fact that you totally disrupted my train of thought by asking me such a stupid question in the first place.  Tell you what, let me do my job and I won't show up at yours and ask you how you remember where to file all the accounts payable shit.  Or how to put on a serpentine belt.  Or how to build an effing house.  Does that sound like a good deal?  Good.

Now what did you order again?


  1. I used to hate when people would do that!!! even if you do think I am not going to remember it, how can you possibly think that inserting your smart ass comment will make it any better?! Plus, do people really think that forgetting an order gets good tips?! No, it does not! And that is the basis of the job, so you can bet that if there is a chance of forgetting it, we will write it down!! Ahh, People....

  2. Note to self: Never ask Sauce or any waiter/waitress, "are you going to remember all of that?"

  3. Reminds me of a little sketch I saw on Youtube called, "Your bartender hates you." Bartender says, "Hey! I don't come down to where you work, slap the dick out of your mouth, and tell you how to do your job!" Too bad you can't use that line...

  4. Our family doesn't do substitutions - mostly because I used to be a waitress and it is just a hassle - but in all the years I have been eating out I can only recall one time, ONE, when a server took our order [family of five] that got it right without writing it down.

    I think it is a valid question. It is not one I would ever ask - but honestly - they get it wrong more times than not.

    I don't think you should take such offense to it. It isn't you they are questioning so much as the theory of not writing stuff down. Just surprise them and maybe they'll stop asking.

  5. SkippyMom, only one time?! I don't know where you're eating out, but that is ridiculous - especially if you're not doing substitutions. Remembering five meals with no changes is a snap for me!

    And yeah, I get the question and why people ask it, but to interrupt me while I'm in the middle of taking an order seems a little much.

  6. It's all a matter of using your memory, and how you use it. I've memorized the value of pi to 50 decimal places, so with a little work (okay, make that a LOT of work), I could probably do what you do when you take orders. I still wouldn't look as good as you do in a pair of orange shorts, though. :)

    Since I have the belt-and-suspenders mentality, though, I would still more than likely write everything down. Or as President Reagan used to say, trust but verify.



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