You Can Mount Anything But Short Shorts Better Stay Out of It

One of the many "responsibilities" of a Hooters Girl is to sign things.  This can mean anything; I've signed everything from pictures to menus to arms.  Mainly though, I sign T-shirts because for some reason being a Hooters Girl makes me relatively famous.  Thanks, I'll take the marginal impersonation of fame and practice my signature for when I'm actually famous for simply being fabulous.  Of course if I ever am actually famous I'll leave all those hearts and xoxo's and crap out of my name.

So with all the name signing and whatnot a girl likes to get a little creative and write cute little sayings.  These, much like the signatures, involve hearts, but they also involve creative uses of words like wings and hoots and sauce and the like.  My personal favorite is, "hoot, hoot, you're cute."  It's super lame, but people eat that shit up.  So I feed it to them.  It's my job.

Before the whole hoot, hoot thing, I used to always write:

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, The shorter the shorts, The better the view!"  

Now I can't claim this stunning bit of poetry as my own, but I can say that it suited my amazing handwriting quite beautifully.  Many a back is now dawning a shirt with this little poem scrawled across it.  Many a back pre-February of course.  That's right, the poem is now totally vintage.  Which is cool because vintage shit is totally in.  What's not so cool is that corporate put my favorite verse into washed-out T-shirt reruns because it was too risky for Hooters.  Actually, what's really not so cool is that corporate totally contradicted themselves.

This is just one example of said contradiction that showed up in our store lately:

Or perhaps fishing is more your thing:

Now isn't it a shame I couldn't find a picture of the one that says, "Camel Towing"?  Yeah, I'm disappointed too.

Ok, I can sell someone a shirt that says they'd "mount that" but I can't write a far more innocent poem about short shorts on it?  A poem about shorts that are a major part of what Hooters is?  I'm confused.

I love inconsistency.