What does a Hooters Girl aspire to? Now I’m not talking about grandiose dreams of superstardom or finding the rich, old bastard of your dreams; I’m talking daily basis here. When a girl works at Hooters what can she strive for? Well besides attempting to make her nylons last as long as possible sans runs, obviously she can strive to gain the coveted title of “Hooters Girl of the Month.”
What is so special about an arbitrary honor probably decided through favoritism accomplished by sucking up and the hotness of one’s ass? Well first off you get a big picture of you put up right inside the front door. There is something mildly disconcerting yet entirely awesome about seeing an 8x10 of yourself every time you come to work. I mean, on one level it’s pretty sweet to be recognized as the most amazing Hooters Girl for thirty days straight, but at the same time you better not have an off day because, bitch, you’re Hooters Girl of the Month and you have an expectation to uphold.
I mean really, imagine how utterly crappy it would be if you were like, “Hey, my waitress is the Hooters Girl of the month, this is gonna be a great day!” And she was less then stellar because she was on the rag and had cramps that made her want to bite your head off. Yeah, that would totally suck. Keep that Midol handy.
I had the great honor (used loosely) of holding the coveted title of Hooters Girl of Month several months back and let me tell you it was awesome – my face at the door, my face in every beverage menu and one big, shiny nametag. That is probably the best part, no longer are you stuck with a shitty little orange nametag like every other girl, but a huge gold nametag that drips excellence. That nametag of gold, which marks you as “Hooters Girl of the Month, November 2008,” is like your personal membership to an exclusive club. Shorts? Check. Tiny top? Check. Sketchers? Check. Gold nametag? Check. Come on in and exude sexy!
And that can never be taken from me. You can just call me Miss November from here on out.