23 September 2009


Lars is a Hooters regular.  Joining us several times a week, his favorite spot is on the right side of the bar, three stools down.  His routine is always the same.  Seldom eating, Lars will order a couple beers and say hello to every girl who passes by name.  We all love Lars because he is just one of those people that is genuinely nice and unlike many Hooters patrons he comes for the conversation over the breasts.  Lars is the surrogate Grandfather we all wish we had.

We also love Lars because he always comes bearing gifts: flowers from his garden, neckties by the bagful, inscribed dog tags from a booth at the fair and always candy.  Lars would never show up at Hooters without his candy.  As he sits in his usual place, the bartender presents him with two short glasses and ceremoniously he fills each with sweets.  Not to exclude anyone, Lars will usually bring a chocolate candy as well as something chewy.  And of course he remembers your favorites.  He'll bring me dark chocolate M&M's, while Ariel gets sour gummy worms and yet another prefers chocolate covered raisins.  Lars will never forget a favorite.

Last week, Lars saddled up to his usual spot and carefully dispersed bags of Hersey's Kisses and Skittles between the two glasses.  Sliding both glasses to the edge of the bar, Lars smiled happily as girls came by to say hello and take a few pieces of candy.  We were happy to see Lars and, as always, he was happy to see us.  Someone however was not so happy to see this Hooters regular.

"I really wish you wouldn't bring the girls candy," huffed a manager leaning at the end of the bar.  "You'll just make them all fat and ugly."

Looking confused, Lars cautiously apologized, "I don't mean anything by it.  It's just a very few pieces here and there."

"Well a few pieces, turns into ten and you know where ten goes,” said the manager as he forcefully pointed to his ass.  "Maybe try some carrots and celery next time."

As the manager walked away Lars was visibly shocked.  Looking over at me he cautiously said, "I didn't mean anything by it.  It really is just a few pieces."

"I know Lars, a little bit of candy is not going to make any of these girls fat and certainly not ugly," I offered optimistically.  "Besides, most of these girls eat a lot worse things than four M&M's."

Letting out a tiny, unsure chuckle, Lars got up from the bar and headed for the door.  He was noticeably dejected as he made his way out into the parking lot.  Luckily, he'd left in time to miss the manager grab the glasses of candy and hide them away in the back office.

Days went by and Lars didn't return.  Fearing he'd been frightened away, girls began lamenting about how horrible it was to dash the hopes of one of Hooters kindest customers.  Everyone knew about the Lars incident and no one, other managers included, liked it.  It seemed to all of us that Lars would stay away forever, ashamed that his gifts had been looked upon so very harshly. 

Then one afternoon Lars came back.  Pulling out his usual chair he sat down and looked at the bartender expectantly.  After a deliberate nod from Lars, she carefully placed two glasses in front of the elderly man as he pulled two bags from the pockets of his windbreaker.  Slowly, Lars filled each glass.

"There, fruit and a vegetable," Lars proudly asserted.

Looking at the glasses I noticed the contents.  One glass contained sour watermelon slices while the other held candy corn.  Fruit and a vegetable.

"Yes, fruit and a vegetable indeed," I smiled as Lars chuckled with the last laugh.


  1. aww great post! i was just about shut everything down but decided to read yours real quick, im glad it didnt end sad and the fruit-candy is hilarious! take care =)

  2. That's a very heartwarming story. The part at the end about the watermelon slices and candy corn was very clever. It really brought a smile to my face. I'm happy that everything worked out for Lars.

    If I may wax philosophical on my Hooters experiences for just a bit, I also fall into the category of Hooters patrons who are genuinely nice and come for good conversation, rather than the breasts. In the past, I've brought in Hooters-colored scarves (orange and white ones hand-made by my wonderful Mom) and free Netflix 1-month trial cards to give to my friends at the Saugus, MA location. We really appreciate each other's company and have done nice things for one another. When I celebrated my 21st birthday this past weekend at Hooters, the girls presented me with two "Happy Birthday" poster boards that were signed by all of them. Not only that, but my favorite server there, Caitlin, went out of her way to buy all the birthday decorations for our tables with her own money. I couldn't be any more grateful for their kindness. Hooters Girls really are the best women you could ever want to know.

    I hope this comment doesn't come off as too self-indulgent. I can really relate to Lars, even though I am much younger. It's refreshing for Hooters Girls to have male customers who are gentlemen and can have a conversation without staring at their breasts.

  3. What a hateful thing for the manager to say to such a sweet man! It hurts my heart when someone tries to take away the fun and pleasure another person is feeling. Good for Lars that he got the last laugh!!!

  4. I am reading your archives, so I hope you get this [not a stalker, just a bored, SAHM who needs something to read and your are quite engaging]

    But seriously? What a mean thing for the manager to do. Wow. A few pieces of candy from a beloved [and especially respectful] regular and he makes a nasty comment?

    The man has issues and it isn't about the 15 calories 4 skittles have. Yay Lars. I hope he is still coming in - it is people like you all that interact with him that make his day. You all are important.

    And your manager is a jerk.

  5. That is so adorable! Aww. I heart lars. Haha.



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