24 September 2009

A New Take on Nylons

The first thing I noticed was that he was wearing suspenders - and a belt.  Apparently, he was the sort of man that was very interested in keeping his pants in the right place.  Or he liked contrast of the suspender, belt combo over his red flannel shirt, either way.  Needless to say, I was hardly surprised when he told me he was in town for a model train sale.  After all, what is more clich√© for a toy train collector than flannel and suspenders?  The belt must have been for good measure.

After taking in his outfit, I noticed the size of his teeth.  They were the sort of teeth that might be dentures, but you're not really sure.  Suddenly you find yourself staring awkwardly at a middle-aged man's mouth unable to deflect your eyes.  Luckily, beyond being a snappy dresser, my guest was also a stunning conversationalist.  Of course by conversation I mean him talking and me feigning interest with a quick nod and smile here and there.

"I notice you're wearing nylons," he said pointing at my pantyhose clad legs without any warning.

"Oh yeah, it's a Hooters staple.  There have been Hooters Girls since 1983 and we're probably wearing the same nylons they did," I replied with a forced laugh.

"I do love nylons."  Expecting him to begin regaling me about his nylon fetish I braced for the worst.  Nothing could have prepared me for what came next.

"Did you know they have nylons for men?  My nylons look as good on me as yours look on you.  They do wonders for the legs."  Um what?!

Suddenly, I found myself being initiated into the unknown world of male active legwear.  Whereas I have developed a deep disdain for all things relating to nylons, my wing-eating guest raved about their comfort under jeans, khakis and all manner of pants.  Naturally, after hearing a rather lengthy review of male nylons, I made the assumption that my new friend must be gay, or a transvestite.  Luckily, at this moment of discovery, he proved me otherwise.

"You know, male legwear is really best at the strip club," he casually offered as I came crashing back to reality.  "I prefer spandex leggings when I'm at my favorite club.  You see with spandex the girls can really slide around.  They'll get stuck on jeans and they really hate that.  My favorite girl was telling me that just the other day.  Yes, they really don't like the jeans."

I stared blankly as I tried to process all the information I'd just heard and somehow managed to say, "I see."

"Oh, and speaking of my favorite girl reminds me that I really should get her a shirt.  Do you have something white?  I think that would show up in the backlights really nicely.  Oh and did I tell you she looks like Marilyn Monroe?  Yes, she'd look great in something white."

"I'll go grab you a few options to look at.  We'll find her just the right thing."

Bringing back an assortment of tanks and t-shirts, he settled on a classic Hooters tank top in a crisp white.  I bagged the shirt, handed him his check and brought him the correct change.  As I was counting out the appropriate coins and bills he pulled out his wallet.  Rather than simply taking the change, he reached into his wallet and pulled out a business card.

"You know you should really look up these male nylons," he said handing me the card.  "Great people over in Ohio.  I mean just dynamite people."

"Oh, yeah, I'll check that out for sure.  Sounds pretty interesting."

"Oh it really is, just amazing stuff.  One day all men will wear them.  I'm just sure of it.  And remember, if you're ever at the strip club look for the man in spandex!"

I cautiously smiled.  I'll be sure to do that, sir.

Check out ComfiLon's Activ Skin at www.comfilon.com.  Prepare to be amazed.


  1. Wow, this is straight from the TMI files. Was this the first time that this guy had come to Hooters or is he a regular/semi-regular?



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