21 September 2009

Search Term Sunday: Are Hooters Girls Prostitutes

I know, I know, it's not Sunday anymore.  However, since I'm still sitting here in my uniform and cover-up and I just got off work, it's still Sunday in my world.   So, onward with Search Term Sunday

Are the Hooters Girls prostitutes?  Looking through my search terms, I cam across this little gem.  The most obvious answer is no, Hooters Girls are most certainly not prostitutes.  I don't walk up to my tables and say, "How 'bout some wings, hot and extra wet....oh and a blow job?"  While I'm sure many people would appreciate the added bonus of a sexual favor here and there, it most certainly isn't going to happen at Hooters.  I'll sell you wings until I'm blue in the face, but I will never sell you my body.

I mean really, who even asks such a question?  Do you think the waitress at Perkin's is a prostitute?  How about the nice girl at the coffee hut you frequent in the mornings?  Or what about the guy at the McDonald's drive through if that's more your thing?  You would never assume that these individuals are prostitutes.  Why would you assume that I am?  Oh that's right, I serve food with a smile and dash of sexuality.  It's not an overt sexuality; it's a playful, innocent and even naive sexuality.  Apparently, this sexual undertone makes me a prostitute.  Guess I missed that one in my job description.  Must have fallen right between "girl next door" and "all-American cheerleader type" in the manual.

My question is why would one assume that prostitution is a part of Hooters?  Obviously, as I said above, this has something to do with the way I dress because really that is the major difference between Hooters and any other sports bar.  I mean I also hula hoop, sing, dance, and actually get to know my customers incredibly well, but I'm pretty sure none of those things are red flags that Hooters is a bastion of the sex trade.  So that leaves the fact that I wear a tank top, shorts, nylons and atrocious socks.  Sounds like the outfit of a high-class whore to me.  I mean really, what more could a man want then a pair of ultra nude pantyhose and smell ass socks to go along with his hour of paid sexual promiscuity?

Hate to break it to you, but Hooters really is just about the food...and the breasts.  Unfortunately (for horny, lonely men at least) the breasts aren't for sale.  Hate to be a heartbreaker or a cockblock, but if I wanted to be a prostitute I'd move to the Bunny Ranch and change my name.  I'll stick with wings.


  1. Why would one assume that prostitution is a part of Hooters? Because people are stupid, and they’re stupider when it comes to sex, and stupidest on the internet. That’s part of it. Not to mention that people are always projecting their own insecurities onto other people, whether or not they’re intelligent. Basically, even if someone thinks “well, working at Hooters isn’t something I’d be comfortable working at, or it’s not the sort of place I’d be comfortable visiting”, some of them probably can’t leave it at that, because the fact is, if you are going to work there besides being good-looking, you also need to have a certain confidence, comfort level with yourself and sexuality, know how to handle other people, whether nervous girlfriends or tables of frat boys, etc.; and if you go to Hooters but you have all kinds of sex issues of your own, you might end looking or just feeling stupid. So the fact that it’s out there just brings out people’s insecurities, and they can’t leave it at “live and let live”. But also, I think that even though we live in such a sex-saturated culture, a lot of people who’ve never been just can’t imagine how basically innocent – well, not totally innocent, but far from obscene – a place like Hooters is. Actually, maybe they can’t imagine that because we live in such a sex-saturated culture. And so they just assume that it must be something so much more extreme than it is. But the fact is, good looks and a bit of friendly flirtatiousness are nothing new. Hooters isn’t really pushing any boundaries, although it’s a bit more open about what its doing than some other places (and less so than others). So basically, I think that Hooters is a lightning rod not because of what it’s doing so much as because it’s been so successful at it. But given how much more vulgar so many other things out there are, even people who don’t care for that kind of thing should at least be thankful that Hooters is as tame as it is – because it certainly could be a lot less so, but as anyone who’s been to one should know, you’re more likely to be offended on the street or at the beach, to say nothing of many other places.

  2. I can so relate to this. More than once I've had guys ask how much the lap dances are, and have even been asked how much I charge for outcall....all the while when they could just look around and see the two tables of senior citizens and the three of families with their kids. How much more of a clue do they need to undertand Hooters is not a front for an escort service???

  3. Long time reader, first time poster here. I found your blog over the summer through Mayor of Wingville and have loved it since. Your well-written posts never fail to make me laugh. You're a better humorist than most late-night/sitcom comedy writers. Why someone with as much talent as you isn't hired to write material for TV while other, less-qualified people get the jobs is beyond me.

    Where I live (Lynn, MA), people are pretty liberal and open-minded enough to accept Hooters. The wackos who think it's degrading and sexist are few and far between here. People with that type of mentality just need to experience Hooters before they form any assumptions about it. Every time I go in to my nearest location (Saugus, MA), I'm always amazed by the diversity of clientele. On an average day, you can see families, college kids, construction workers, senior citizens, dating/married couples, and all other types of people dining under the same roof. It's really no different from other sit-down restaurants, it's just that the waitresses are friendlier and prettier. Not to mention it's the ideal place to celebrate a birthday, as I did this past weekend.

    Keep up the great work, Sauce, and I'll look forward to your future posts.

  4. Thanks, Zach! I'm glad you like the writing and that you enjoy stopping by my blog. It's nice to know that people are actually reading what I'm writing. I'm also incredibly flattered that you find my writing so witty that you would suggest I would have the ability to write for TV; if only that were possible.

    Please continue to read and enjoy and I'll try not to disappoint or bore you :)



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