13 February 2010

Hans and the Couch

Hans has continued his tireless campaign to be my sugar daddy.  Recently, over his usual Miller Lite it came up that I am now living in a sort of one bedroom, sort of studio apartment.  A sort of one bedroom, sort of sudio apartment without a couch.  Hans apparently saw this as his in.

"You need couch?  I would like to buy you this.  It will be for you a gift."

I didn't know what to say.  Noticing my hesitation Hans continued to explain himself.

"I ask for nothing.  I just wish to help.  You know, like a sugar daddy but no sex deal.  I am an old man.  I do not love you, but I very much like you a lot.  A couch is a small thing for such a like."

No sex deal?!  Dear Lord, what do I say now?  Conveniently, kitchen yells my name and I quickly escape to run food to a large party across the restaurant.  This table is needy and I spend more time than usual opening ranches, refilling drinks and generally sucking up to them and their $200 tab.  I notice Hans leave as I run another round of drinks to the tables.  He smiles and waves, pointing to the table as he shuffles out the door.

Making my way to the table I can see the hundred-dollar bill well before I am close enough to grab the one empty Miller Lite - the only thing he ordered.  His email is scrawled carefully across one edge of the bill accompanied by a note:

The couch you shall have.  Too pretty to sit on floor.  You email after shopping and I buy for you with no questions.

I still don't have a couch.


  1. Wow. This is a toughie. But, as shallow as this makes me sound, I'd go for it. He's not asking for anything in return, just you're wonderful service and conversation. I understand where he's coming from. I enjoy spoiling my friends and family. Seeing them happy makes me happy. And I do have a solid belief in what goes around comes around.

  2. He sounds like a very sweet man, BUT...I would take your tips and go to the thrift store, Goodwill or Craigslist and buy yourself something to sit on if you think you need it.

    I bought my first loveseat at a warehouse sale - new and gorgeous - for a little over 100 dollars.

    I know he means well but that is an obligation and that couch? Is more than $200. Or at least the one he wants to buy you.

    Just my opinion, but I am old and cynical. lol

  3. I basically agree with Brit - you shouldn't feel bad about the taking money, but... I would also echo some of SkippyMom's caution - for one thing, the first thing I thought was also that $100 isn't going to pay for a couch. But besides that, well, you don't really know this guy, and if you want it to stay just where it is, you don't want to create the sense (justified or not) that there was some sort of obligation involved or favor done, etc. At least, that's how I'd ultimately react to it, I think. But, like I said, at the same time, I basically agree with Brit in a way too. So you just have to figure out what you're personally most comfortable with, I guess.

  4. I'd take it. I'd feel bad but I'd take it. Girls at my Hooters have had breast augmentations & other plastic surgery procedures paid for by customers. One girl even allowed some old creepy lawyer guy to buy her a Lexus! So many guys have these like.. obsessions with Hooters girls and will throw money at them & expect nothing in return.

  5. Yeah, the $100 was not for the couch, just a tip. But as far as the whole situation goes couches are apparently impossible to come by in my college town. As soon as they are listed on craigslist they seem to be sold and I've had no luck at Goodwill or other thrift stores and we have no consignment shops. Needless to say it's been frustrating!

    But for now, I don't think I'll be accepting any couches from Lars.



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