20 February 2011
Well That's a First
My first table of the day seemed normal at first - a family with three young daughters. After Mom helped the little ones use the bathroom, they sat down and I began my usual introductions and took their drink order. It was while I was figuring out if the youngest girl wanted regular or chocolate milk that Mom began digging in her large handbag. Slowly she began removing things from the purse. A comb. A brush. Some body spray. And finally a huge can of Aqua Net.
Now if you're a dude and you're unfamiliar with Aqua Net, it's basically some of the most industrial hairspray you can legally buy. They call that shit "Extra Super Hold" for a reason.
Given the supplies now on the table, I figured Mom would be going to the bathroom to fix up her hair. That wouldn't be weird at all. Actually that would be pretty normal. It was about the time that the very distinct smell of Aqua Net began to waft across the restaurant. I say across the restaurant because that's how far away I was getting their drinks. Yes, even that far away I could smell the hairspray leaving the can.
Making my way across the restaurant with drinks in hand, I pressed through the ever thicker cloud of Aqua Net. I rounded the half-wall that marks our first set of booths and suddenly had made my way into a full service hair salon. There was mom yanking one of the girls hair with the brush only stopping to spray the hair spray. I set the drinks down, careful to avoid the direct line of the can. I didn't know what to say.
Sauce: "So do I get to be next?"
That's all I could come up with. Over the course of the meal Mom did all three daughters and her own hair. Right there at lunch. I can only imagine how much Aqua Net all of them ingested as they downed wings and curly fries. I know I breathed in enough to induce a mild asthma attack.
Note: Do your hair before you leave home. Or at least leave the Aqua Net there.