Today I was asked to do something at work that I have tried desperately to avoid for the past two years of my employment at Hooters. I was asked to debone wings. Before I start in on my varied reasons for hating wing deboning, please enjoy the following video of a Hooters Girl mutilating someone's meal.
Yes, that is wing deboning. I will start by saying she did it totally wrong. And don't even get me started on the fact that she isn't wearing gloves. We ALWAYS wear gloves even if "you're not eating this one". But that's not the point. The point is, that there is nothing I hate more than having to sit down and remove the meat from the bones of a plate full of someone else's chicken wings. But lets start with why Hooters condones this.
Hooters has a policy known as "hands off" or "hands free" service. Basically this means that Hooters wants it's waitresses to cater to the customer as much as possible. The simplest example is opening ranch and other dressings for guests at the table - this example is also a nonnegotiable step of Hooters Hospitality. However hands off service can go much further to include just about everything. As my trainer from corporate put it, "imagine your customer has no hands, short of eating, what would you have to do for them to make them comfortable?" Well I can open the door, pull out their stool, open menus, rip paper towels from the roll, pour beer and so on and so forth all the way to deboning wings. I like the idea of this step of service. It's just one of the many things that makes Hooters stand out.
So yeah, I get why Hooters does the whole deboning wings thing now and again. I get that it's just another "above and beyond" way of delivering Hooters' signature service. That doesn't make it appetizing. And that's the thing, I don't find anything appetizing about a girl donning a pair of rubber gloves and ripping into my food as she burns the shit out of her fingers. There she is tearing into a plate of wings, removing the sauce with her gloved hands like a clumsy, drunk surgeon as she turns what was ordered into something else entirely.
Wait, don't we already have boneless wings on the menu? Yup, there they are. Boneless wings that require no manhandling. But of course if order those you don't get the pleasure of treating your Hooters Girl like a slave. Or the pleasure of being freaking lazy.
And yes, I did debone his wings. I just hated it the whole time.