02 December 2010

A Journey through Search Terms

Sometimes I get all nerdy and take a look at the various search terms that lead people to my blog.  Occasionally these adventures through my traffic sources actually lead to blog posts because sometimes people actually look up pretty legit questions.  Some people Google things like:  "pictures of girls picking wedgies, "I fucked a Hooters Girl," and "ass dad wife."  I regret to inform you, this post is not for you.  I now present a few select searches and my answers to them.  Glad I could help.

Do Hooters Girls use real names on their nametags?
Hooters Girls are supposed to use their real names on their nametags.  While I'm sure that there are both Hooters stores and Hooters Girls that break this rule, for the most part girls have their real names on their nametags.  At my store, we happen to have quite a few girls with different names - including two named Stormy - so we get this question quite often.  Yes, we really do have that many odd names; I guess our parents were all really original.

Are Hooters Girls promiscuous?
I would say that Hooters Girls are probably serve as a good sample of the population of women as a whole.  Basically all that mumbo gumbo means that I think that Hooters Girls are no more or less promiscuous than other woman.  Some are...um...easy and others are not.  This is no different from going to any bar on any Friday night - some girls will go home with you, but most probably won't.

Where can I find articles written about Hooters?
Yes, you're in the right place.  Stop here.  Now.  You can go anywhere on the Internet and find lots of crap about Hooters, but you should read mine first.

Can I share Hooters all you can eat wings?
Most Hooters will not let you share all you can eat wings.  After all, it's called all YOU can eat wings, not all you and your friends and your cousins and you neighbors can eat wings.  If you think about it, some people will eat less than, say, $12.99 worth of wings and some will eat more.  If you and every one else pitched in together you would obviously get your money's worth every time.  Good for you.  Bad for business.  You get the idea.

Can I buy the official Hooters uniform online?
Why yes you can buy the uniform online.  You can do so HERE.  But apparently they don't sell the shorts anymore.  For those, I'd try Ebay.

Do Hooters Girls get insurance?
Yes and no.  Because Hooters is a franchised company it is up to individual owners if they want to offer insurance.  I have worked for Hooters full-time for over two years and receive no insurance because it is not an offered benefit where I work.  But then again, I've never received a raise either.  I don't think my Hooters is the norm however.

Crafty things to do with old Hooters uniforms?
Um have I mentioned I ADORE crafts?!  Well I do.  I've never even thought about this, but I think it's fabulous that you're being all green about reusing your uniforms.  Why not make a tank top shaped throw pillow or perhaps an orange shorts hobo bag.  Or you could always burn the uniforms as a way to economically heat your home.  Yes, I'd probably go with that.

Does Hooters offer half off a boob job?
Contrary to popular belief, Hooters does not in fact offer boob jobs as a benefit.  This question appears - in varying forms - quite often amidst my searches.  Apparently this is common yet stupid belief.   So once again, Hooters does not give boobs jobs.  Or half off boob jobs.  Or half off hack boob jobs done in Tijuana.  I have seen Hooters Girls make the money to buy boobs by working at Hooters though.  Lucky them.

What are Hooters uniform sizes?
Hooters uniforms are available in size xxxs - small.  Yes, that's written correctly.  Yes, you read it correctly.  Don't worry; the sizes don't reflect actual sizes very well.

How much should I tip at Hooters?
Here is my solution to tipping at Hooters.  Is it the right way?  No, it's simply one solution to a question a lot of people have.  Tipping is individual and should not be expected.  In the end it's up to you.

Is it bad for my boyfriend to wear a Hooters shirt?
No, it is not bad for your boyfriend to wear a Hooters shirt.  It is after all, just an effing shirt.  Odds are, he went to Hooters, had a few wings, had a fun time and decided to buy a shirt.  Buying a shirt does not indicate that he cheated on at Hooters.  Or that he doesn't like you anymore.  Or any of the other totally off base conclusions you may jump to.  In fact, Hooters is probably the last place any of those things would happen.  And for the record we sell just as many shirts to girls.

When do Hooters Girls wear black?
Hooters Girls wear black every Friday.  This is called formal Friday is quite possibly the best day of the week.  We also wear black for "special events" like UFC or local college football games.  The special events change from store to store, but all stores participate in formal Fridays. 

Will a Hooters Girl kiss you if you ask?
Hate to kill any fantasies, but Hooters Girls will not kiss you even if you say please.  I don't think I need to elaborate.

So hopefully, somewhere out there on the Internet, I answered someone's burning Hooters question.  I try to be helpful now and again.  If you have your own Hooters question, don't waste your time with Google and email me instead - girlandguitar@live.com

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