Dear Bikini Girl...You Got Your Shit Rocked

So I'm one of those nerdy type people that watches American Idol. It's an addiction that can only be cured by bi-weekly helpings of showstopping renditions of sweet 80s tunes and Michael Jackson tribute nights. Well for those of you that live under a rock, last night was the season finale of American Idol Season 8 and let me tell you it was pure epic amazingness. I mean where else can you see performances by Queen Latifah, Black Eyed Peas, Keith Urban, Rod Stewart, Jason Mraz, Kiss, and the remaining members of Queen - just to name a few - all in one night?! That sort of random can only occure on American Idol.

But for me the highlight of the evening (well besides the really cute underdog winning) was when an ex-Hooters Girl dubbed "Bikini Girl" got her world uterlly rocked by judge Kara DioGuardi. Basically, Bikini Girl thought her shit didn't stink and that she was the "songbird of our generation" - trust me she is no combination of "Fergie and Jesus".

Breaking out into a truly painful version of "Vision of Love", Bikini Girl was taken by surprise by DioGuardi who proved once and forall that Bikini Girl is a talentless hack. The best part was that the stupid girl kept trying to sing over Kara who would have none of her crappy runs and off key crooning and just got louder and more awesome until some smart stage hand muted poor Bikini Girl's mic. Then in a moment of awesome I will never again expereince DioGuardi ripped open her dress proving that not only did she sing better but her stomach was a lot hotter too. Bikini Girl, you suck, get over it, rely on your other talents and no boobs don't count as talents.


And speaking of boobs I, along with Ryan Seacrest, noticed yours have grown quite considerably, Bikini Girl. This is an amazing feat of nature. Of course by nature I mean some sugar daddy that forked over some cash for new tits. Lucky you!