As it's Friday, I though what better way to end the week than with another addition of Hooters Truths. The Hooters Truths are an ever growing collection of little things that most Hooters Girls simply have to live with. They can be annoying, exasperating, tiring, and funny but whatever feeling they may evoke they are ever present and ever unavoidable.
Feel free to enjoy the original fifteen Hooters Truths here in Volume I.
As a Hooters Girl you WILL:
1. Find any and every way to incorporate hearts into your name.
2. Realize that bleach pens and Tide-to-Go are quite possibly the best inventions ever.
3. Become wildly overprotective of your pens.
4. Develop the perfect “Hooters voice” for saying, “Hi! Welcome to Hooters!” This will sound nothing like your actual voice.
5. Become an expert, though often reluctant, wing deboner.
6. Come to find that guys are horribly unoriginal when it comes to pickup lines.
7. Make teenage boys uncomfortable on a daily basis.
8. Learn all sorts of stupid things to write on T-shirts such as “Hugs & Jugs”, “Hoots & Kisses”, or “Breast Wishes” (or my personal favorite, “Roses are red, violets are blue, the shorter the shorts, the better the view”).
9. Know that clear nail polish or hair spray are essential tools in preventing little nylon runs from becoming big ones.
10. Put off using the bathroom as long as possible so you can avoid the annoyance of removing your pouch and pulling down your nylons and shorts just to spend five minutes getting them all in the “just right” spot again.
1. Find any and every way to incorporate hearts into your name.
2. Realize that bleach pens and Tide-to-Go are quite possibly the best inventions ever.
3. Become wildly overprotective of your pens.
4. Develop the perfect “Hooters voice” for saying, “Hi! Welcome to Hooters!” This will sound nothing like your actual voice.
5. Become an expert, though often reluctant, wing deboner.
6. Come to find that guys are horribly unoriginal when it comes to pickup lines.
7. Make teenage boys uncomfortable on a daily basis.
8. Learn all sorts of stupid things to write on T-shirts such as “Hugs & Jugs”, “Hoots & Kisses”, or “Breast Wishes” (or my personal favorite, “Roses are red, violets are blue, the shorter the shorts, the better the view”).
9. Know that clear nail polish or hair spray are essential tools in preventing little nylon runs from becoming big ones.
10. Put off using the bathroom as long as possible so you can avoid the annoyance of removing your pouch and pulling down your nylons and shorts just to spend five minutes getting them all in the “just right” spot again.
Regarding #8, I know a server at my local Hooters who signed my 2010 calendar with the "Roses are red, violets are blue, etc." poem. Another one wrote, and I'm quoting this verbatim, "Hooters - Where your beer and breasts are never flat." Perhaps the first Hooters Girl whom I mentioned learned that poem from reading your blog?
ReplyDeleteRegarding #7 - If a server is comfortable doing it, she should lean over and WHISPER "Don't worry, we're used to it, but Just Be Polite!" to the poor boy - He's suffering and embarrassed!
ReplyDeleteWe men are slaves to our testosterone, and it makes us Stupid (as you already know), plus it takes over our bodies as teens, than one part in particular!
Stay Saucey! ;-)