24 May 2010

Parking Lot Drug Deals

Today was one of those days that starts with a crazy rush that dies down to a comfortable flow of customers that isn't stressful yet isn't boring.  These are good days.  I like these days because you're busy for a bit, but then you settle in and are able to take more time with your guests.  It's the kind of day that also affords you the ability to notice things.  Things like people in yellow Pontiac G5s parking like assholes in a half full parking lot. 

When I say this guy parked like an asshole, I mean he parked like a real effing asshole.   I'm talking diagonal across two parking spots sort of asshole parking.  He clearly didn't want anyone to door ding his Sunfire G5.  Sitting with a few regulars (and by sitting I mean standing because these regulars never sit), we exchanged a few witty remarks that only grew in scope as we watched a guido wannabe in a flat-billed hat and a Tap Out shirt and a Snooki look-a-like exit the car.  This is even more fun because they had Washington plates.  Washington Jersey Shore freaks.  Classic.  As the two stretched and casually made their way to the door, our comments culminated in me proclaiming I would call out Washington Guido on his parking skills - in a cute "I'm a funny Hooters Girl with an amazing personality and cunning wit" sort of way of course.

After my usual door opening and greeting I casually said, "Sweet park job out there."  This statement was completely ignored.

Snooki: "Do you have a bathroom here?"

Sauce: "No, we don't have one of those.  Of course we have a bathroom!  Just head on back through the door there and you can't miss it!"

After pointing them in the right direction, Washington Guido and Snooki proceeded to the bathroom without so much as a thank you.  I noted to myself that they seemed incredibly uncomfortable.  Or just really, really odd.  Either way, they were off.

A few minutes they both returned from the bathroom and I approached them to offer them a table.  As I was just about to ask them if they preferred a booth or a high top, they headed out the door and back to their yellow G5.  Only they didn't get in.  They simply stood there.  Then paced around the car.  Then sat in the car.  Then got out of the car.  Then looked at the mulch lining the flower bed.  Then stood around some more. 

"They're freaking weird," said my regular as we watched Washington Guido climb onto the cement base of light pole in the parking lot and stare out at the street.

Sauce: "Guess he didn't like me pointing out his failure to learn proper parking technique during drivers' ed."

Regular: "Or he's doing a drug deal, this is the drop off.  You wait and see.  I know these things."

I laughed at this, but then five or ten minutes later a black truck pulled up behind the G5.  Washington Guido went up to the window and Snooki followed.  Being that we looking at the passenger side of the truck we could see some sort of exchange going on, but nothing too specific.  However it was fairly obvious what was happening.  Quickly the situation was handled and the truck swiftly backed out followed by the G5.  The deal was done.

Now obviously I don't know for sure that this was a drug deal, but that's really, really, really what it looked like to me as well as my two regulars watching out the window.  All I know is that if I were doing a drug deal I probably wouldn't do it in the front parking lot of Hooters.  My regulars didn't agree.  They said that if they were from Washington, picking a Hooters right off the Interstate would be a pretty logical choice.  Even if it wasn't a good choice Washington Guido didn't seem smart enough to know the difference and Lord knows Snooki wouldn't have been much help in the decision making process.

So if you need drugs come to Hooters.  Our parking lot is apparently a hotbed for potential guidolicious criminal activity.  On Sunday afternoons.  During business hours.  I'd classify that as "delightfully tacky, yet unrefined." 


  1. Must have been pretty big time dealer if he's rolling in a G5...oh wait never mind wrong kind of G5 - he probably has a "31" tattoo as well.

  2. According to one of my Tafe teachers once there was a drug deal in front of a child care centre.



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