09 May 2011

The Boyfriend Question

And then sometimes work is like work.
Almost three years ago I had my first interview at Hooters.  Not having opened yet, I met the general manager in a stark hotel convention center next to the growing wooden skeleton of Hooters next door.  While the exact stereotypical questions I was asked now escape me, one not-so-typical question will always remain with me:

“Do you have a boyfriend or significant other that would have a problem with you working at Hooters?”

While that particular interview question seemed a little funny at the time, it also seemed entirely relevant.  It takes no stretch of the imagination to understand why the question is an important one.   An important question I could easily say no to.  At the time I was newly single and loving being completely unattached.  There was no around to worry about me working at Hooters except for me.

Regardless of my status at the time however, I knew I would never be the type of girl to let a man mandate where I chose to work whether my choice was Hooters or not.  I suppose it comes down to the fact that a guy who takes such a strong, controlling stance on one issue would probably do the same on others.  As an independent, self-sufficient woman I don’t do controlling guys.  Life is just too short to let someone else do your decision-making.

 I hadn’t really thought about all of this in a long time until just recently.  I was training a couple of weeks ago when my trainee began talking about her ex boyfriend.  As it turned out, he had urged her to apply at Hooters pointing out the opportunity to make good tips.  After he’d mentioned the idea a few times she came in and applied and to her surprise was hired nearly right away. 

And that’s when things got weird.  Suddenly the boyfriend who was so into the Hooters idea decided that he didn’t like her working there.  In fact he didn’t like the idea so much that he decided to breakup with her over it (while I am sure there is more to the story, this seems to have been the major point of contention).  Hooters was that big of a deal.

Now I’m not going to jump on how wrong his – or any other guy’s – negative opinion of Hooters is.  As I’ve always asserted, I have no problem with people not liking Hooters.  What I do have a problem with is people forcing that opinion on others.  And I’d say a boyfriend/husband/fiancé forcing his girlfriend/wife/fiancé to quit or never apply at Hooters if she wants to is certainly forcing an opinion.  That is something I totally take issue with.

So no, I do not have a boyfriend or significant other who has a problem with me working at Hooters.  In fact, I thing Dreamy likes that I work at Hooters.  Not only does it mean his girlfriend has a reasonable level of hotness, but a pretty decent personality too.  Plus all that work at Hooters bought him a PS3.  Here’s to working it at Hooters because I can and because I want too.  No man-pinions needed.


  1. good for you! yeah i wouldn't want to be with someone who tried to dictate where i work, i'm not down with that. besides, hooter's isn't even a bad place to work at as long as you want to. she can do better than someone who tries to force opinions and would dump her over her job.

  2. Exactly. If a guy feels intimidated by a girl's job at Hooters (or anywhere else, actually) then he's not worth being with in the first place. Good riddance to him. Though I know several guys who *would* have a problem--which I just don't get.

  3. I'm not surprised there are guys out there who would get so worked up about something like this. After all a lot of guys get worked up about much lesser things. I think its completely ridiculous and immature.

    In this case its just unbelievable being he was the one to encourage her in the first place. It seems like he had something else up his sleeve. But good riddance because now she has a great job and the freedom to do whatever she wants. Win - Win.

  4. When I was bartending one day at Hooters, I was shooting the shit with some of the guys at the bar when one of them asked whether or not I had a boyfriend. I replied that I did and then they immediately began degrading him saying that he clearly was a pussy for allowing me to work here.

    Allowing? Allowing?! For starters, he doesn't 'allow' me to work here because that is not his choice at all. I explained to the guys that he has no reason to be against me working here seeing as I was trustworthy and didn't flirt with the customers.

    For some reason, many guys just don't understand how to support their girlfriend in all aspects of their life and they don't have enough security in themselves to believe their girlfriend won't do anything wrong. There are several girls at the Hooters I work with who are forced to snap photos of their clock in and clock out shifts just to prove to their men that they are at work. To me, that's demeaning to my character and to our relationship.

    It's saddening to see the stigma Hooters carries to outsiders. Not everyone who works there is single, slutty and most certainly we don't work there to steal your man. And it's terrible that so many girls have to convince their boyfriend to not believe everything he assumes that happens at Hooters.

  5. Ugh, sycophancy is an ugly thing indeed. Perhaps a sample then? I take exception to your reasons for taking exception to his behavior in this particularly unexceptional instance. It seems it would be more apt to take exception to his hypocrisy (his flip-flopping that is) in this circumstance, than his demands. What you rhetorically label "force" I simply call standards, hierarchical and judging by their design... Why is a person not permitted to have standards for a romantic partner? Do not let that kernel of an egalitarian inside of you blossom into a monster. You might soon become French if you do. But let us rearrange the initial conditions, as permitted given what it is you actually took exception to... Let us stipulate different facts. If he were to threaten the girl with punishment or violence surely then I would concede the illegitimate use of authority. But merely having criteria for a women, while I may personally disagree with those criteria, isn't grounds to argue the use of illegitimate force. Where you see supposed imposition and intrusion I see the opportunity for consent. I mean surely it was her choice to stay on the job. She could have quit by her own will, if she decided the relationship was worth it. And while I agree the act is wholly obnoxious, not to mention misogynistic and puerile, I object to your use of the word "force". Even in this instance, for all you know he could have given her the option to quit before exercising his own romantic standards on his own accord and in alignment with his own liberty. If I can speak openly, I'd admonish you not to be too much of a feminist, lest you become the victim of the very power seeking processes you despise in men, eh? Ahh, but on second thought, perhaps the point is moot. What person is not primarily power driven? What person loves another by will after all? No, we wish to control our environment, and we covet what we can not control, so that we may come to control it, for own benefit. Such is the species; an evolutionary shortcoming, or dare I say, though I disagree, a longcoming to some? : ) Sad I should say, that one is willed to love through one's pursuit of power and not by one's will, to love. But what can you do? We work with what we are given. You were given sufficient adaptability. Too much of a success to live the truth of my words. Too much of a success to ever respect, let alone love the less successful. Too much of a success to be loved by the unsuccessful (unless?...). No one but those willed internally love that which they can never come to control; least of all men. A double edged sword then, these wonderful, beautiful traits of yours, scaring away men daily. I was given only the rigidity of logic. But exhaust it I will! In the hope that I too will have some semblance of adaptability someday! Now all I have to do is decide if I want to adapt my character to a cruel, sick world... Hmmm, no, I'll adapt in the image of my reason instead and by this very process, will to love.

  6. Anthony, I like what you have to say. Very enlightened.

    On an unrelated note, did you sit in my section today? If you did you had twenty breaded chicken wings in mild with a side of bleu cheese and baked beans. Give me a sign if I'm right...

  7. I suggest you take issue with the young man's ideological paradigm and the "reason" behind his twisted values (that is the standards themselves), and not his non-use of force... that is your real grievance with him after all isn't it? hehe : ) As for your question... yes? Is that ok? I'd rather just answer directly. It is my "style" to be direct, to use modern parlance. I so wouldn't have ever, at all, sent you a message like this, or at all (I'm a bit insular and antisocial lol), but I facebooked you, and realized you and I had so much in common. Then the blog! I was like, "wow this writing is not bad, not bad at all", and I just couldn't resist... sorry, I'm almost bashful on my own behalf. Actually you forgot something in your description of what I had today, though! I had 20 breaded wings, blue cheese, baked beans (all of which is basically a weekly treat. So unhealthy ugh! I actually see that blonde coworker of yours in the gym literally every other day. I'm such a fitness nut.) but I also got the best treat of all, you my sweet girl; darling and bright waitress. You handsome thing! : ) LOL. Hooters girls are flattery operated right? Not operated to flatter, or arising from the desire to flatter, but causally from flattery to their action, not from their flattery to another! : ) So, I'm trying, not to operate you (you merit dignity, not use!) but to endear. Don't view it oddly. I'm an intense person. Most women find my intensity off-putting. They think I'm interested and often, although not always, they run. In fact, I'm not usually interested, little do they know. They are used to dealing with dogs (men) and think we are all the same and all conditionable and predictable. They try to get me to chase but I never do. I'm not going to lower myself for that... then I disappear, and they are like, "why didn't I do something to make that boy stay? He was so decent!" : ) Not that it matters. Leaving town very soon sadly. : ( Feeling like a stalker, rambling on now... gg 1



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