10 May 2011

How to Get Fired for Idiots

I’ve never found myself in a position where I needed to worry about being fired.  Not only is doing a job poorly not in my personality, but being the daughter of two bakers/business owners who have dealt with their share of shitty employees I know what not to do.  However I imagine that if I ever was going to do something fire worthy I’d be sure to go out with a bang.  I’d throw shit and punch a couple customers in the throat and scream obscenities in the most profane combinations.  I would be fired, but I would be a legend.

The following – which happened last week – is what I definitely wouldn’t do:

One of our newest girls had just gotten off shift when she decided to stop at the bar.  Sitting down and talking to a regular, he kindly offered to buy her a drink, which she readily accepted.  At this point the bartender – who had never worked with this particular girl – asked if she was old enough.  Well of course she was old enough!  She was 23 after all, she pointed out.  She was soon enough sipping a sugary blended margarita full of body warming tequila.

Just about then the manager walked by.  Though this manager had never worked with this new hire either she was pretty sure she was not 23.  In fact she was pretty sure she was under 21.  So she asked a few girls and finally went to the employee files.  You know, where important things are kept like Xeroxes of IDs.  It didn’t take long to find what she was looking for.  I’ll give you one guess who was 19.

The manager approached the girl and a bit of a commotion began.  Just as the drink was being taken away our owner, who happened to be sitting directly behind the underage employee in question having a few drinks with friends, overheard what was going on at the bar next to him.  After he heard what had happened he fired her on the spot.

Yes, that actually effing happened.  First off, how dumb do you have to be drink underage at a place where you’re employed?  After all they have all your information readily available for cross-referencing.  That’s just down right stupid.  And that’s before you account for the fact that the man who owns the restaurant is close enough to smell the tequila on your lying breath.  I’m sorry, but that’s pretty much one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.

Of course as the story began to spread around the restaurant like wildfire it became apparent that she’d not tried to drink at work once before, but twice.  She went from plain stupid to downright slow as shit.  I’m still amazed at the IQ deficiency that sort of decision-making would require.

And as far as the bartender goes, who wouldn’t believe a fellow employee who so adamantly claimed she was old enough?  Honestly, I think I would have served her too in that situation.  It would never have crossed my mind that she’d lie with two managers and our owner milling around.  My guess is she probably didn’t even think about it.  Or didn’t care.

So that’s this week’s top way to get fired.  I’m sincerely hoping no one tops it.  For this week at least.


  1. Years ago I worked with a guy who started months in advance getting people excited for his upcoming 21st birthday. By the time the day arrived, flyers had been posted for weeks advertising this guys birthday. It was a well attended event and nearly everyone bought him a drink. He became a regular at the bar we worked at and could be found there drinkng several nights a week.

    No one thought anything of this until a group of coworkers, including this guy and a manager, went to another bar for drinks. The doorman carded him and wouldn't let him in. Turns out it was his 20 birthday that we all celebrated 6 months earlier. He was fired, but I still consider this a legendary feat.

  2. Wow. What a special, special girl.

    Glad they didn't fire the bartender, because as you said, why would you doubt in that situation!

  3. Heh. Try having your boyfriend call and threaten your boss because you did something that you know good and damned well you're not supposed to do and got in trouble for it. Happened at my job a few years ago. Sheesh. That was stupid. She was out of a job and he was arrested for making terroristic threats.

  4. At my old office we used to have issues with temp girls phoning in sick but then being spotted out shopping in town or announcing on Facebook what a fabulous day they were having or what an awful hangover they have from the night before (someone in the office usually knew them personally - even more stupid to let on that they're lying!). More than a few were dismissed and they had the cheek to complain about it!

  5. We had a busser at a place I worked who was there a total of 3 days. He chatted on the phone, hid out for hours, and didn't do very much.

    The general manager of our small hotel restaurant came by and saw the busser on the phone and asked him if he didn't have something else he should be doing. The busser, not realizing who was speaking to him, told the GM to F off.

    Next thing, the busser is coming in my office to collect his tipe and asking who is the a-hole with the glasses? I think he fired me!

    You can't fix stupid.

  6. wow. what an idiot! i have no idea why anyone tries such bullshit lying at the place they WORK at, where things can be so easily checked. it's a good thing the bartender didn't get in trouble too, that would've been unfair.

  7. I don't recall what the liquor laws are in montana...I'm thinking they were pretty loose because i remember there being a bar with guns for sale above it somewhere in town. (the name eludes me at this present juncture). But i know here in FL if you are caught serving someone under age..you are fired. Im glad your bartender was able to stay employed.

  8. Similarlly, a fre-enemy I use to work with got fired last week.
    Since she had decided to "warn" all the other employees to "watch out" for me because of how I dress and my personality (which is rainbow and extroverted with a side of not-taking-anyone-too-seriously).

    Guess who got fired for not doing her work and bitching about her job? Yeah, not the one with the rainbow eyeshadow.



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