Another Reason for Sauce to Hate Her Property Management Company

Today I got a sweet letter from my property management company.  Of course by sweet letter I mean it's the type I would usually just ignore.  Ripping it open I figured it would saying something really pressing about people parking wrong or getting the sprinklers blown out or how they realized my rent was too expensive and they decided to refund me.  Basically I was prepared to throw it away like a good tenant.

I unfold the letter and casually glance at it as I'm heading to toward the dumpster to get rid of it and notice that it says something about me breeching my lease.  First, I think about when I paid my rent.  Yup, definitely paid all $541 painful dollars of it on the first.  I keep reading and suddenly it becomes all too clearly that someone has complained about me.  And that they are charging me $50 for this complaint and coming to make sure I haven't "damaged the apartment."  Wait, what? 

Initially, I am raging pissed about the fifty bucks.  Then I think about anything I possibly could have done to warrant complaint.  I live alone in a studio - excuse me "junior one bedroom" - apartment I lovingly call a glorified hotel room.  I clearly do not have raggers.  I hardly even invite people over.  Where in the hell would I put them?  I don't jazzercise or mousercize or any-type-of-cize here.  I have a gym membership for that.  I don't stomp around.  I don't effing do anything besides enjoy my comfy couch and even comfier bed.

So I decide to hall my ass down to the property management company and figure out what the hell is going on and why the hell I'm being charged for it.  You may recall that after being locked out I don't think very highly of my property management company.  As such I was ready to throw down, letter in hand, as I marched into the office.

Sauce:  "I got this letter and I'm very curious what this complaint is and why I'm being charged $50 for it.  It's very vague and I'm not paying money for something I'm unsure of."

Property Management Lackey:  "Well to be honest we've had some complaints about you having guests over to your apartment at all hours of the night.  The accusations were actually quite explicit."

Sauce:  "Um ok, so my boyfriend is over a few nights a week maybe.  But if you're talking about us "doing it" (yes, I actually air quoted) that's really not a big part of our relationship."

That was clearly a lie, but I figured it sounded better than me saying something like, I know how to effing be quiet.

Property Management Lackey:  "Oh, not it's not that at all.  A woman sent a very graphic email claiming there are people partying on your landing at all hours and mooning her window."

I am surprised.  Very surprised.

Sauce:  "Ok, first off I work six days a week.  I don't have time to be partying.  Secondly, if I did have the time to party I wouldn't bring my friends to my studio apartment to do it.  I can assure you that not only was that not me, but I'm pretty sure that given I am trying to sleep at night I would have noticed people partying on my landing and told them to shut up.  But for the record do I not share my landing?"

Property Management Lackey:  "Well, yes."

Sauce:  "So could it not be someone I share my landing with?"

Property Management Lackey:  "A good point."

Sauce:  "Or, could it not have happened at all given that I didn't hear anything on the landing ten feet from my bed?  I'm not sure what this lady saw, but the fact that you send me this letter and feel the need to charge me on completely unfounded accusations is ridiculous.  Did you not think to ask me first?  Or even ask another neighbor?  If there were some mooning crazies don't you think you'd get a few more complaints?"

She just stared at me and mumbled something about me needing to write a statement and that they would "look into the situation."  Yes, I certainly hope you do look into it.  Lord knows I don't want some drunken freaks running around my landing sans pants even if they're imaginary.

So I hate my property management company even more now.  When is this lease up again?  Oh, that's right, May.  Lame.