The Worst Customers Ever

Today marked a first in my over two years of being a Hooters Girl.  Today was the first time I actually had a moment where I wanted to walk off the job and just say fuck it.  Now, this is a very big deal for me.  I have dealt with all sorts of shit at work.  I've dealt with creeps and assholes and total idiots.  I've dealt with things many servers would never deal with and I've put up with it and not let it get to me.  Today was different.  Today I had my worst customers ever; they embarrassed and disrespected me and treated me in a way I never even imagined one human being treating another.  It was awesome.

It's Sunday, Sunday means NFL and being that we have Sunday Ticket we get VERY busy.  Naturally this means people had to be just a little extra needy.  Because isn't the thing to do when it's glaringly obvious your Hooters Girl has at least eight tables?  Yup, it seems it is.  Luckily people were really chill and understanding and proceeded to make that known by leaving me nice little tips.  All was busy, but all was good.

Then at about 1:00 a family of five sat at one of my high tables.  Right off the bat they seemed like the type of people that wanted me to just serve them and not say anything else.  Like I was a slave or a lamp with the ability to put food on a table.  Generally, when people are like this I try to bring my signature cheer and loosen up the table.  I'm good at this.  I'm known for this.  It's what I do.  So I bring them some drinks and ring in some fried pickles and things seems to be going pretty well.  They order their meal and twenty wings.  Actually, they had pointed to ten bone-in wings and when they asked for two orders I nicely suggested a twenty piece ordered half and half, allowing them two types of wings for a little less money.  I helped them pick out their sauces.  Things still seemed to be going really well.  I'm feeling good.  Then the food comes out.

Girl 1:  "Oh, I wanted boneless wings."

Mom:  "Well we never asked for boneless wings.  She wouldn't have known that."

I then delivered a fairly standard line that I've used countless times since I've worked at Hooters with my usual "I'm clearly joking" smile.

Sauce:  "Yeah, sorry about that.  I'm not a mind reader yet, but I'm working on it!"

It became apparently immediately that this was the wrong thing to say and I was quickly scolded and scolded again for being "rude" by multiple people.  I was taken aback, I had clearly not meant it be rude by any stretch of the imagination.  I proceed to apologize profusely.

Sauce:  "I'm so sorry if you thought I was rude.  I didn't mean it to seem like that.  I was joking.  I think you might have taken what I said the wrong way."

Mom:  "Don't you dare tell me what to think, fucking bitch."

Hold the effing phone.  Did this lady just call me a fucking bitch?

Sauce:  "I'm sorry ma'am.  I wasn't trying to tell you how to feel.  I was simply trying to establish that I meant it a different way than you apparently understood it.  It's not important though, just a misunderstanding.  I am really, really sorry."

At this point I'm not really sure what to do.  Did my remark not make complete sense in the context of the situation?  Was I not just trying to make light of things?  I figured out rather quickly that I clearly couldn't win.  So I decided to walk away and continue doing my job.  Of course this now entailed being extra nice to this table.  It is important to note that most girls in this situation would have avoid the table like the plague.  Most girls would let cups go unfilled and plates go uncleared.  I didn't do that.  I kept doing my job and made every attempt to do my job even better than usual.  But of course they continued to be bitches and I found myself anxiously waiting for them to leave.

Finally, they were ready for the check and I nicely dropped it off once again apologizing for the misunderstanding and letting them know I would be their cashier whenever it was convenient for them.  Walking by the table on my way to help another customer, I noticed two bucks sitting on the table.  Sweet.  Their tab was $74.97.  But honestly I was just happy to see them leave, tip or no tip.  There I was selling a few t-shirts to another guest when Mom came up to the counter.  She waited rather impatiently the whole three seconds I spent counting change to the man in front of her.

As the man stepped away, I smiled and said I'd grab her change.  Giving that they had left money on the table, I proceed to give her three pennies, a five and a twenty for the hundred-dollar bill she threw on the counter.  As I started to give her a thank you and a smile I was interrupted.

Mom:  "Let me do you a favor and tell you all the things you did wrong."

I stared blankly in total and utter shock.

Mom:  "First off, ALWAYS give ones with change."

Sauce:  "I'll surely get you ones.  I just gave you the five given the tip already on the table.  I wanted to make it easier for you.  I'm sorry."

I gave her five ones.  She begins to talk again.  Loudly

Mom:  "You are the most offensive, rude waitress I seen."

I cringed at the grammar after cringing at the dig at me.  She gets even louder.

Mom:  "When you told me "I took it the wrong way" I wanted to throw my wings in your fucking face and tell you to shut up you stupid bitch.  Oh wait.  I did call you a stupid bitch.  I'm the customer here."

Actually, you called me a "fucking bitch" but whatever.

Sauce:  "Again I am sorry.  And you're misunderstanding what I meant when I said you took it the wrong way.  I was only meaning that the remark was made as a joke."

Did this lady just take me saying she took was I was saying the wrong way the wrong way?  Even thought I was upset I noted the irony of that confusing statement.  

She is now yelling loud enough to make people look.  I try to walk away and she traps me behind the counter.  She clearly had a point to make.

Mom:  "Well you're a fucking idiot and your sense of humor sucks, bitch.

Sauce:  "Have you been to Hooters before?"

Mom:  "No, I don't like Hooters."

Sauce:  "Well we have a little more of a conversational nature here than most restaurants and honestly I've said that many, many times in my two years of working here and I've never had anyone take it the way you did.  Again, I am sorry.  I'll be more careful next time."

Finally she started to leave and attempts to hand me another dollar.

Sauce:  "Please don't feel obligated to tip me anymore.  I offended you and I'm sorry.  Hope you have a better day."

Mom:  "Fuck you, bitch!"

I am in shock.  And as I backed into the restaurant I noticed all the people staring.  They all noticed what happened and I noted more than one look of curiosity.  There I was in front of full restaurant being called a bitch over and over and over again.  I had never been so embarrassed.  First I was red hot with shame.  Then I felt my eyes begin to well up.  I am not a crier, but the tears came and couldn't be stopped. 

After running to the back and composing myself, I went back to my tables.  I was immediately greeted by the most kind, understanding, offended guests.  I had three separate tables complement my service and say I did nothing wrong.  I had people I didn't even know stand up for me.  It meant a lot.  And then I found this receipt left on a table.  I mean if my other customers think they were awful it clearly must be true.

So today was awful.  I met some of the worst people I've ever met, but now I also realize I met some of the kindest.  Oh and for the record I am not a "fucking bitch."