Yesterday I trained a new girl. It was her third day of training and basically what this means is I get to follow her around, make sure she doesn't forget anything and make her money. Ok, that sounds wrong. I actually do a lot a of work, but the trainee is expected to do most of the "server stuff" with the tables. It's her job to introduce us and take drink orders and take food orders. It's my job to make sure she's doing all of the above right. I make sure she remembers all the questions to ask when a guy orders wings or that she lets people know the specials. Basically I make sure she doesn't forget crap.
The girl I trained yesterday was doing a pretty good job taking tables and remembering all the big things she had to be doing. While Hooters might seem like an easy job, there really are a lot of little things to remember when people are ordering. I was doing an awful lot of reminding of these things. That's normal enough though. What wasn't so normal were the two guys we had to deal with at table 31. I should be more specific, the one really nice bodybuilder and the old guy we had to deal with at table 31.
When we approached the table the old man was mad that we didn't have breakfast. This happens at Hooters more than you might realize. Maybe it has something to do with us being right behind an IHOP, but people - especially older people - always seem to want pancakes or a scramble or maybe even a frittata. We open at eleven we, don't have breakfast. Deal with it.
As I was saying, approaching the table there was some typical breakfast complaining. The usual "where's the eggs" quickly progressed into a not so typical "I bet the girls aren't so ugly at IHOP either." I quickly and thankfully decided to take over the table from my trainee. She was exhibiting all the classic signs of "help me."
Now usually - meaning had I not had a trainee - I would have taken the time to write down all the little gems this old man decided to tell us. But I didn't write anything down so we'll have to rely on my brain. Sorry for all the things you're going to miss.
- "You (meaning me) look forty-eight and she (meaning my trainee) looks ten."
- "Why are you all so ugly here?!"
- "Did you just forget to wax your mustache today?"
- "The only thing good here is my sandwich."
- "Give me more beer, I'm trying to make you pretty."
- "Of course you should take my plate, I'm trying to get you to do your job."
- "You seem awful good at standing around."
- "Of course I don't love my wife."
- "I'd put you right to work if you know what I mean."
- "I'd ask for your phone number, but I'd never call you."
- "Well my wife only hit me with the frying pan twice." (It was confirmed by the nicer, younger guest that this was in fact true)
- "I don't want to know a darn thing about you thinking."
And unfortunately that's all I can remember. I'm forgetting at least 50-75% of what he said. The memory loss of a 25-year-old is a real bitch. Oh and he did snap at me to get my attention which is quite possibly one of my biggest pet peeves ever. Luckily I work at Hooters. This means I can throw shit back at people - who don't seem to mind and are generally cool of course. This means that in response to said snapping I got to say, "I have a name you know and though I'm sure you can't read, I did write it on the napkin in front of you." This is why I love Hooters.
Now before you get all defensive and say I should never talk to a customer like that, I let you know that both young, nice guy and old, not-so-nice guy ate that shit right up. Old guy and I exchanged insults with the greatest of ease. You see, even with his very serious demeanor it became obvious fairly quickly that, most of the time, old guy was joking. It also became obvious that old guy appreciated a woman who could dish it right back. I had read my table like a true pro. My trainee was in awe.
Finally, after many a cut had been delivered, the gentlemen were ready to leave and young guy decided to pay, leaving exact cash for the ticket. He then gave us each a twenty-dollar bill.
Young Guy: "Thanks for being such good sports. Most waitresses would have ignored us completely with most of his remarks. It's his first time here and he loved it. I really appreciate it."
Old Guy: "Yeah, I like a little frisk to my ladies. Wanna come home and meet my wife?"
I love my job.
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